Help how do y'all schedule your suicide?

[scenecore fan]

maybe a silly question? idk, but i wanna how the ones that have a specific date for their suicide landed on it... like, was it influenced by smth u wanted to do before u go? maybe smth u wanna see/play/read or is it because smth else?

Asking because i already have a method i want to try, but i really don't know when should i ctb, like, this past few days have been some of the worst of my life even if nothing really bad has happened besides my brain being a big mother fucker who hates my guts, but like i still find joy in watching random youtube videos or replaying the same games over and over again. As much as i want to leave this awful world there's still a couple of things i kinda like, but that's the thing, i'm not really looking forward for anything rn, not big events in my life going on or smth in specific i wanna do before i kms, and those lil things that do give me joy are just that, things that will probably be there forever, but i really don't wanna suffer through who knows how long just because "MAYBE I CAN REPLAY MY FAVORITE GAME FOR THE 100TH TIME "...

so yea, i hope anyone can give me some tips to help me out on how to land on when will i do it.

 

[sweetdrowning]

I just chose a date a couple months out to give myself time to really be sure. I chose sometime in April (I wanted it to be April 1st, haha) because February seems too early for me and March has most of my family's birthdays. I want them to enjoy their birthdays before I do it. I don't wanna ruin another thing for them, lmao

 

[scenecore fan]

I just chose a date a couple months out to give myself time to really be sure. I chose sometime in April (I wanted it to be April 1st, haha) because February seems too early for me and March has most of my family's birthdays. I want them to enjoy their birthdays before I do it. I don't wanna ruin another thing for them, lmao

ngl i might do that, having the breathing space in between to be fully sure about this would also be nice

 

[MicahBell]

Im really trying to avoid times where my family is having big life changes. As much as I wish J could die right now my brother is getting divorced and evicted and I don't want my suicide to be somebody's final straw, you know?

 

[sweetdrowning]

ngl i might do that, having the breathing space in between to be fully sure about this would also be nice

yeah, definitely give yourself time to be really sure. the wait sucks but if you decide you want to continue you'll thank yourself for giving yourself some time. i think its important to set a date and not be impulsive about it

 

[kufajoy]

Planning on February 10. My younger brother admitted to university today. House repairs almost completed. I think it's a good time to leave with great weather, maybe I will book a hotel with sea view and spent my final day. But not sure if I could do though. My SI is as bitch as I am. Alright failed 3 times. Hoping something like family conflict happen with me so it became much easier for me.

 

[Uncounted1846]

I'm doing it on my 40th birthday. I originally planned to do it on my mother's birthday, but I didn't want to give her one last reason to make it about her.

I came to the realization things will never improve for someone like me. I only have a high school education in an increasingly digital world. I burnt through a LOT of professional bridges and I don't know where to go from here career wise.
I'm a "5" and in queer spaces the most likely to be ignored. dating has been mostly awful. The last guy I dated for about three months. He introduced me to his family ON CHRISTMAS. But then decides to dump me on the phone six days before Valentine's Day. and when I tried to ask why he hung up on me. Talk about no closure. I already struggle with trust issues. This was almost four years ago and I haven't had the courage to try dating again. It always leaves me in tears or feeling inadequate in some way.
My relationship with my mom and dad, my sisters, extended family are all cut off. I don't know how to move past the hurt and pain anymore to forge some kind of half relationship together only out of our shared sense of family obligation? Fuck that. I deserve better. My anxiety and trauma have been way more manageable without them in my lives. But where do people go for emotional support? My mom is a selfish, critical, gaslighting narcissist. my dad is absent and emotionally abusive, prone to minimizing my experiences/gaslights. I don't know how to answer the question "what do you need?" or "what does support look like to you?" No clue. I've been so used to living day by horrifying day. Hoping I wouldn't get verbal abuse. Hoping I wouldn't get physical abuse. The kicks in my butt still haunt me. The feeling of those thick hairy sausage fingers digging into the nape of my neck still keeps me up at night.

I have to pay for "support" and often times the therapist just sits in silence after I've dropped some huge emotional bomb watching me cry. What a joy. I go until I can't handle the depression from my revelations and then I take a break . How is this a viable life? My depression has only gotten worse with age, not better. Why do I have to try to find a job and a life when I don't want it to begin with? I was born as a band-aid for an incredibly manipulative woman and naive man. Where do I return this miserable existence?

 

[scenecore fan]

I'm doing it on my 40th birthday. I originally planned to do it on my mother's birthday, but I didn't want to give her one last reason to make it about her.

I came to the realization things will never improve for someone like me. I only have a high school education in an increasingly digital world. I burnt through a LOT of professional bridges and I don't know where to go from here career wise.
I'm a "5" and in queer spaces the most likely to be ignored. dating has been mostly awful. The last guy I dated for about three months. He introduced me to his family ON CHRISTMAS. But then decides to dump me on the phone six days before Valentine's Day. and when I tried to ask why he hung up on me. Talk about no closure. I already struggle with trust issues. This was almost four years ago and I haven't had the courage to try dating again. It always leaves me in tears or feeling inadequate in some way.
My relationship with my mom and dad, my sisters, extended family are all cut off. I don't know how to move past the hurt and pain anymore to forge some kind of half relationship together only out of our shared sense of family obligation? Fuck that. I deserve better. My anxiety and trauma have been way more manageable without them in my lives. But where do people go for emotional support? My mom is a selfish, critical, gaslighting narcissist. my dad is absent and emotionally abusive, prone to minimizing my experiences/gaslights. I don't know how to answer the question "what do you need?" or "what does support look like to you?" No clue. I've been so used to living day by horrifying day. Hoping I wouldn't get verbal abuse. Hoping I wouldn't get physical abuse. The kicks in my butt still haunt me. The feeling of those thick hairy sausage fingers digging into the nape of my neck still keeps me up at night.

I have to pay for "support" and often times the therapist just sits in silence after I've dropped some huge emotional bomb watching me cry. What a joy. I go until I can't handle the depression from my revelations and then I take a break . How is this a viable life? My depression has only gotten worse with age, not better. Why do I have to try to find a job and a life when I don't want it to begin with? I was born as a band-aid for an incredibly manipulative woman and naive man. Where do I return this miserable existence?

damn... i have felt stuff simillar, my mom is also a big pos, and my last therapist did pretty much the same that you mentioned but add a little bit more of "well maybe you didn't quite experience that?"... wtf?... i have no idea how much time u have left, but i hope that if u go through with it. the time before that 40th birthday isn't worse than what u have already gone through

 

[Uncounted1846]

damn... i have felt stuff simillar, my mom is also a big pos, and my last therapist did pretty much the same that you mentioned but add a little bit more of "well maybe you didn't quite experience that?"... wtf?... i have no idea how much time u have left, but i hope that if u go through with it. the time before that 40th birthday isn't worse than what u have already gone through

I've got until the end of May. So far it's been mute. I don't know how else to describe it. I sleep a lot. I can't find a job. I have no friends. Some days I want to go through with it now. Other days I can see myself waiting. It's a total mind fuck.

How about you? Any thoughts about your CTB date, if you decide to go that route?

 

[inconclusivesorbet]

All I know is I would like to go before valentines day. Every day I inch forward unable to move because I think that that means im heading to the hardware store. Like any movement on my own would push me towards a FSH method.

 

[HangMan123]

I picked mine with regards to major holidays and my family's birthdays. I just don't want them to be thinking about my death during times of celebration, you know? I also want to at least graduate before I die.

 

[FloopDog]

maybe a silly question? idk, but i wanna how the ones that have a specific date for their suicide landed on it... like, was it influenced by smth u wanted to do before u go? maybe smth u wanna see/play/read or is it because smth else?

Asking because i already have a method i want to try, but i really don't know when should i ctb, like, this past few days have been some of the worst of my life even if nothing really bad has happened besides my brain being a big mother fucker who hates my guts, but like i still find joy in watching random youtube videos or replaying the same games over and over again. As much as i want to leave this awful world there's still a couple of things i kinda like, but that's the thing, i'm not really looking forward for anything rn, not big events in my life going on or smth in specific i wanna do before i kms, and those lil things that do give me joy are just that, things that will probably be there forever, but i really don't wanna suffer through who knows how long just because "MAYBE I CAN REPLAY MY FAVORITE GAME FOR THE 100TH TIME "...

so yea, i hope anyone can give me some tips to help me out on how to land on when will i do it.

I'm not going to recommend you do it but I can really relate in a way as there are a lot of you-tubers I like or things I look forward to, I have been really enjoying the Fallout TV show and anticipating the release of GTA 6 but honestly the in between has been so bad I don't even see those as reasons for sticking around, my response since then has been negative no matter what, I am so miserable, I have said for years "I wont make it past 25" and I am keeping with that, I don't have a date planned though I know I want to do it, I just keep supplies on hand for when the time comes, I know most say its off impulse but I tend to think when the day comes I'll know it.

 

[LastAcrobat]

I gave myself a time limit originally, really far away too, January 1st 2031 was the last day I was going to allow myself to be alive, with planning on doing my method prior to then. However, do to new factors that have come into my vision I may have to move that closer or back.

I never set a concrete date, just a limit. Honestly its calming to know you only have a few years left at max...

 

[Uncounted1846]

Honestly its calming to know you only have a few years left at max...

I felt this way after I finalized details of my CTB date. I almost feel lighter knowing there's an END coming to all this miserable, pointless tunnel.

 

[LastAcrobat]

I felt this way after I finalized details of my CTB date. I almost feel lighter knowing there's an END at the end of this miserable, pointless tunnel.

The feeling honestly made me want to CTB slightly less, which is why the date ended up so far away.

 

[Uncounted1846]

The feeling honestly made me want to CTB slightly less, which is why the date ended up so far away.

I won't buy the gun until I get closer to the date. Aside from my dog and cat I have literally nothing to get me out of bed and an early end seems tempting most days.