Venting How do people actually have jobs?

[dresdendoller]

I can't fathom how people do it. I know that realistically a lot of people get jobs and go to college because they know if they don't they're not going to be able to live and support themselves. Well I don't want to live?? The lack of a will to live + the severe anxiety about leaving the house and interacting with other people + my chronic pain and fatigue = not a very good combo for working enough to earn a proper living.

I fantasize a lot about what it would actually be like to move out and live on my own, have friends, go to college and maybe be okay for once, but god it's so unrealistic.

I used to have a job back in November 2020 but I was having breakdowns about it everyday and had to take so much ativan to even get myself to go that I would pass out immediately as soon as I got home. I literally lost like 15 lb during the first 2 weeks presumably because I was so hopped up with adrenaline and couldn't eat right. And it was only 12 hours a week!!! 4 hour shifts, 3 days a week. Am I just that weak? Why can't I just get over it like everybody else.

It literally makes me feel crazy, I had one of my worst panic attacks when I was like 16 because olive garden was gonna hire me…….what is wrong with me genuinely. I really don't feel like I'm meant for this life at all. And I recognize that a lot of people feel that way but how are they able to push through? How come it doesn't consume their entire being?

Does anyone else feel the same way? I'm not even sure exactly what to blame the feeling on, whether its my anxiety or something else. And I'm sick of hearing that "everyone gets anxious about a new job" or "nobody enjoys going to work" because I feel it on a cellular level. It sounds so childish but it always legitimately feels like I'm going to die (which I guess is ironic since that's kind of the whole reason I'm here....... mental illness works in funny ways)

 

[dyingalone123]

It's easy to do everything when you don't have a mental illness. I can attest to that before I became depressed and anxious. Now I don't want to live but I'm too cowardly to die

 

[nottheend]

Fuck knows I go to work every week day but every single morning I wonder what the fuck for still have no money for myself but just the fact that the only way my life could be any worse would be being homeless keeps me going in I guess but I just despise the whole fucking system

 

[FuneralCry]

We are forced to exist without choice and we have all these pressures and expectations placed on us. Humans are just slaves to the society. I hate the idea of working and I'm not sure there would ever be anything I am capable of doing. I am also not meant for this world. My only future is to ctb.

 

[HiImPaul]

It's easy to do everything when you don't have a mental illness. I can attest to that before I became depressed and anxious. Now I don't want to live but I'm too cowardly to die

Yeah I was able to go to work just fine before I developed depression and anxiety after having a breakdown around 3 months ago. Now the thought of having to go to some place I hate 8hr/day 5days/week for the next 45 years gives me panic attacks. My ctb date might be the day right before I start whatever job my parents are going to force me to get eventually.

 

[dyingalone123]

Yeah I was able to go to work just fine before I developed depression and anxiety after having a breakdown around 3 months ago. Now the thought of having to go to some place I hate 8hr/day 5days/week for the next 45 years gives me panic attacks. My ctb date might be the day right before I start whatever job my parents are going to force me to get eventually.

I'm the same. What caused your depreeeion and anxiety? Have you tried medication? It only numbs me to be honest

 

[Belljar]

Upper class jobs have better conditions and lower class jobs people abuse drugs and alcohol to get through it.

 

[HiImPaul]

I'm the same. What caused your depreeeion and anxiety? Have you tried medication? It only numbs me to be honest

Not entirely sure tbh. I was under more stress than usual in college and the stress turned into really bad nausea. I could barely eat for two months and had to drop out. The stomach stuff isnt as bad as before but it's still there. Now I've lost all interest in anything, I feel like I'm constantly on edge and I began having panic attacks about stuff that would have just been a minor annoyance before. I just can't imagine a future where I can be happy. And all of those feelings get amplified when the stomach pain decides to peaks it head back up. But I'm currently trying medication, my primary care dr put me on lexapro yesterday so I'll see how that goes.

 

[dyingalone123]

Not entirely sure tbh. I was under more stress than usual in college and the stress turned into really bad nausea. I could barely eat for two months and had to drop out. The stomach stuff isnt as bad as before but it's still there. Now I've lost all interest in anything, I feel like I'm constantly on edge and I began having panic attacks about stuff that would have just been a minor annoyance before. I just can't imagine a future where I can be happy. And all of those feelings get amplified when the stomach pain decides to peaks it head back up. But I'm currently trying medication, my primary care dr put me on lexapro yesterday so I'll see how that goes.

Yes try Lexapro!!! Exhaust your options before Ctb.

 

[HiImPaul]

Yes try Lexapro!!! Exhaust your options before Ctb.

Yeah that's my plan, can't see a psychiatrist for a few months so just doing what my family dr says for now. Kinda worried about the side effects but from reading through the lexapro subreddit it seems like a lot of people's side effects start going away after 2 weeks. Who knows maybe I'll get a miracle lol

 

[dyingalone123]

Yeah that's my plan, can't see a psychiatrist for a few months so just doing what my family dr says for now. Kinda worried about the side effects but from reading through the lexapro subreddit it seems like a lot of people's side effects start going away after 2 weeks. Who knows maybe I'll get a miracle lol

I'm Lexapro - it's helped me on anxiety not so much depression. Everyone's body is different. I'm sure it's going to help!!! Ignore those dumb posts. It's okay. Don't give up. My psy put me on Lexapro. It's popular right now

 

[meetapple]

There are ways to make money without having an actual "job". Do a Google search.

 

[dresdendoller]

There are ways to make money without having an actual "job". Do a Google search.

yeah i've thought about that stuff. i just need to get off my ass and do it lmao. i did sign up for instacart a while ago so there is that.

 

[HiImPaul]

yeah i've thought about that stuff. i just need to get off my ass and do it lmao. i did sign up for instacart a while ago so there is that.

Looked into Uber eats because at least I could take breaks when I started feeling too bad. But I live in a small town so there aren't many orders and I have to drive ~20mins just to get into the food area of town.

 

[BrokenHopes]

Yes I often feel the same way as you do. I only have therapy and a few more obligations during the week but I am already exhausted. I want nothing more than to be able to earn my own living and I often dream about a future where I can do so.
Right now that dream seem very distant and unrealistic. I do wonder how "normal" people keep it all togheter. Full time job, family, friends and hobbies.
As for me it is just me and my cat, that is more than enough actually.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

What event triggered the anxiety and depression? I'm sorry you're suffering in pain

 

[todestrieb]

One day I woke up and realized everything is on my time. I can work to pay the bills, get through the day on auto, and come home to consider why. I'm not sure how I'm trusted to do anything as important as what I chose to do knowing that I go home every day wondering if today is the day I ctb. I used to flip through jobs like underwear. They would exacerbate my anxiety and depression, I'd cry all the time. One day I just didn't care anymore. Did I still cry? Sure. It was the catalyst for my last SA but it didn't work. So here I go, working to save money to buy the supplies for a better attempt. Life is weird. Really fucking weird. One day you wake up and everything falls together, the next it's in shatters again. I'm sorry you're going through so much right now.

 

[TheHatedOne]

I have no clue, can't even get one because they don't even look at my CV. Training for TEFL certificate is my last hope.

Anyways, most people just do what is ''supposed'' to be done without thinking or questioning. They don't think about the slavery they live in, that they are slaves donating their health, time, mind, soul etc. for the shit wages that remained at the same level they were 10 years ago, while the labour has become increasingly heavy, stressful and more time consuming, even if we advanced a lot technologically. But life is a gift amirite.

 

[PeacefulTonic]

I have no clue, can't even get one because they don't even look at my CV. Training for TEFL certificate is my last hope.

Anyways, most people just do what is ''supposed'' to be done without thinking or questioning. They don't think about the slavery they live in, that they are slaves donating their health, time, mind, soul etc. for the shit wages that remained at the same level they were 10 years ago, while the labour has become increasingly heavy, stressful and more time consuming, even if we advanced a lot technologically. But life is a gift amirite.

Sadly it's only going to get worse with automation, AI, and the increasing hyper competitiveness of everyone

 

[dresdendoller]

I have no clue, can't even get one because they don't even look at my CV. Training for TEFL certificate is my last hope.

Anyways, most people just do what is ''supposed'' to be done without thinking or questioning. They don't think about the slavery they live in, that they are slaves donating their health, time, mind, soul etc. for the shit wages that remained at the same level they were 10 years ago, while the labour has become increasingly heavy, stressful and more time consuming, even if we advanced a lot technologically. But life is a gift amirite.

Honestly that's probably why it bothers me so much. I think way too much instead of just mindlessly doing it.

 

[Niko66]

I feel very pressured by family and society to "not be dead weight", especially my mother is always pressuring me and I have always been afraid of her and confrontation so I figure my life will be less miserable working than not. Also eventually got lucky to find a job which is rather easy so even if I barely feel like getting out of bed most days I can still do it.

 

[Wojaczek]

Why can't I just get over it like everybody else.

I ask this myself almost everyday

 

[nottheend]

I feel very pressured by family and society to "not be dead weight", especially my mother is always pressuring me and I have always been afraid of her and confrontation so I figure my life will be less miserable working than not. Also eventually got lucky to find a job which is rather easy so even if I barely feel like getting out of bed most days I can still do it.

What do you do if you don't mind me asking?

 

[Niko66]

What do you do if you don't mind me asking?

QA/testing, what makes it very easy is that we have a very light workload most of the time, I work 7am-4pm but most weeks I could get everything done in like a fourth of that time. So sometimes if I feel like really down/upset/etc one day I can just procrastinate. Guess it's the single area of my life where I am lucky.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I remember what it was like to have a job… I liked it very much… Although I generally had a bad attitude… But it's been a while… And I can't realistically imagine myself having another job ever… I can't even picture it…

 

[AnotherTragicName]

It can only work if you at least kinda like what you are doing.
It has to be at least okay.

When I was working, most of my day was basically suffering. More suffering, less suffering, some phases of being neutral and a few moments of fun/engagement/pride whatever.

I could do it because I was still living with my parents, but it was really "living on the edge". I had no weekend-activities that made it worthwhile, and being at home after work was basically lazy time.

When my working colleagues told me, that after work they basically just do cooking, cleaning and other stuff that is required to stay alive, I wanted to shoot myself on the spot.

Where is all of this worth it? Where is the fun, the excitement, the moments of nourishment?
I think they usually managed to go make sports 2x a week, on the other days, watching a bit of TV.

For them it was fine. They liked their job, their co-workers. So apparently, it was what they were living for. Not hot passionated, but it worked.


After work, I was really DEAD. I couldn't do anything at all, chores and stuff.

It might also depend on your abilities and your personality. A guy I know from working was having a party or two every weekend, since he knew a lot of people and he was generally considered to be fun and sympathatic.

He also hated work for the most part, but it all kinda worked for him.


Nowadays, I don't work anymore. Germany has a generous social system. It is still possible to end up homeless, but it's very unlikely if you have your shit together at least a little bit (able to get to appointments, take care of your mail, chores, cooperate with doctors etc).

Life is still dull and meaningless, painful aswell, but at least I don't want to rip the skin away from my face several times a day.


Im not really sure yet how I shall communicate about this with the other people. My goal is to meet new people, so I don't totally starve emotionally. A few people that I meet here and there, maybe even friends, would be desirable. But who wants to chill with someone, who basically gave up on life?
"What do you do for a living?"
"Oh well, Im 27 and I don't really work."
"Oh okay. So what do you do all day?"
"Sleeping, watching TV and stuff."

Yes... The people will lign up to connect with me.
So should I just lie? Impossible to communicate this stuff without being rejected.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

It can only work if you at least kinda like what you are doing.
It has to be at least okay.

When I was working, most of my day was basically suffering. More suffering, less suffering, some phases of being neutral and a few moments of fun/engagement/pride whatever.

I could do it because I was still living with my parents, but it was really "living on the edge". I had no weekend-activities that made it worthwhile, and being at home after work was basically lazy time.

When my working colleagues told me, that after work they basically just do cooking, cleaning and other stuff that is required to stay alive, I wanted to shoot myself on the spot.

Where is all of this worth it? Where is the fun, the excitement, the moments of nourishment?
I think they usually managed to go make sports 2x a week, on the other days, watching a bit of TV.

For them it was fine. They liked their job, their co-workers. So apparently, it was what they were living for. Not hot passionated, but it worked.


After work, I was really DEAD. I couldn't do anything at all, chores and stuff.

It might also depend on your abilities and your personality. A guy I know from working was having a party or two every weekend, since he knew a lot of people and he was generally considered to be fun and sympathatic.

He also hated work for the most part, but it all kinda worked for him.


Nowadays, I don't work anymore. Germany has a generous social system. It is still possible to end up homeless, but it's very unlikely if you have your shit together at least a little bit (able to get to appointments, take care of your mail, chores, cooperate with doctors etc).

Life is still dull and meaningless, painful aswell, but at least I don't want to rip the skin away from my face several times a day.


Im not really sure yet how I shall communicate about this with the other people. My goal is to meet new people, so I don't totally starve emotionally. A few people that I meet here and there, maybe even friends, would be desirable. But who wants to chill with someone, who basically gave up on life?
"What do you do for a living?"
"Oh well, Im 27 and I don't really work."
"Oh okay. So what do you do all day?"
"Sleeping, watching TV and stuff."

Yes... The people will lign up to connect with me.
So should I just lie? Impossible to communicate this stuff without being rejected.

Most people here are exactly like you… If they haven't given up on life they probably wouldn't be here

 

[guy 1]

so sorry.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

This has been a big question for me too once I abandoned the unrealistic techno-positivist worldview and embraced a more fatalistic hedonistic you only live once mindset.

Since then I've always liked jobs that exposed you to the true dysfunction of what is going on out there.

 

[Area Man]

Since then I've always liked jobs that exposed you to the true dysfunction of what is going on out there.

Which jobs are these btw?