So to be honest, idk if I really need to start working a "normal" job. Like my parents have indicated in the past when I showed I was worried that as long as I respect them and try. I'm welcomed here. And I highly highly thank them for that. But often, I have a feeling I need to prepare for the worse. Like I understand what separates me from being homeless is a few inches of wall (being allowed to stay in the house). The words of my mom telling me to not get desperate plays in my head, but the feeling like I can be kicked out any second is there.
Anyways, any time I start looking for a normal job it always ends up me getting to the point where I want to off myself. Like it sometimes relates to the job itself, sometimes the hours, and so on. The latest was when I was looking at some job I most likely could get. But in total requires about 9 hour days with 1 hour 1 way. Meaning 11 hour days 5 days a week. And since it is IT, this means maybe more (which is something I wished I knew before getting several IT degrees). I didn't even look at how stressful the job will be, and I'm already feeling like if I have to do 30 years of that, then being 6 feet under is better (it's a state job. Their retirement is if you work for 25 years before 60, then you can get full retirement. 5 years if your 65. Retirement is add up the 4 years you were paid the most and divided it by 4.).
Like the idea of work itself isn't a problem. Right now I have maybe 2 or 3 orders I need to make for Etsy. I'm thinking of writing a book about AI. I'm already writing another book. I'm trying to pitch products to companies. I make YouTube videos to the point where people once in a while donate. I am trying to get more into my parents bee keeping operation. I am talking about starting a farm with my parents (like they buy the land, and help get it started. And I will keep it going as a farm manager.) I'm in talks with the local UPS store about adding my services to their lineup. And so on. Like at times I honestly think it has to do with me being lazy because my average week I'm waking up when I want, I go to sleep when I want, I play video games or screw around on the net 99% of the time. And maybe 1% of the time I might half-ass some effort in what I do. (on other weeks I might work on something from the time I get up to when I go to bed). But the far majority of the time I'm just screwing around.
It should be noted currently I make somewhere between $1k-$5k a year off of what I do. So it is no where near enough to live off of.
Anyways, does anyone have any idea what is going on? Also, does anyone have any idea how to fix this problem?
It should be noted that I'm autistic. So idk of that plays a major role or not. Like part of me thinks that is another major reason since most who are autistic doesn't like change.
Anyways, any time I start looking for a normal job it always ends up me getting to the point where I want to off myself. Like it sometimes relates to the job itself, sometimes the hours, and so on. The latest was when I was looking at some job I most likely could get. But in total requires about 9 hour days with 1 hour 1 way. Meaning 11 hour days 5 days a week. And since it is IT, this means maybe more (which is something I wished I knew before getting several IT degrees). I didn't even look at how stressful the job will be, and I'm already feeling like if I have to do 30 years of that, then being 6 feet under is better (it's a state job. Their retirement is if you work for 25 years before 60, then you can get full retirement. 5 years if your 65. Retirement is add up the 4 years you were paid the most and divided it by 4.).
Like the idea of work itself isn't a problem. Right now I have maybe 2 or 3 orders I need to make for Etsy. I'm thinking of writing a book about AI. I'm already writing another book. I'm trying to pitch products to companies. I make YouTube videos to the point where people once in a while donate. I am trying to get more into my parents bee keeping operation. I am talking about starting a farm with my parents (like they buy the land, and help get it started. And I will keep it going as a farm manager.) I'm in talks with the local UPS store about adding my services to their lineup. And so on. Like at times I honestly think it has to do with me being lazy because my average week I'm waking up when I want, I go to sleep when I want, I play video games or screw around on the net 99% of the time. And maybe 1% of the time I might half-ass some effort in what I do. (on other weeks I might work on something from the time I get up to when I go to bed). But the far majority of the time I'm just screwing around.
It should be noted currently I make somewhere between $1k-$5k a year off of what I do. So it is no where near enough to live off of.
Anyways, does anyone have any idea what is going on? Also, does anyone have any idea how to fix this problem?
It should be noted that I'm autistic. So idk of that plays a major role or not. Like part of me thinks that is another major reason since most who are autistic doesn't like change.
