Not sure anyone here can tell you how to get out of the loop because we are all still here, for one reason or another...the people who have "cracked the code" and achieved death are (presumably) not able to post on this forum.
I also wish that it were easier to CTB. I wish I could just push a button or snap my fingers and end it. But the reality is that CTB is hard. Probably one of the hardest things anyone could ever do. We are biologically wired to survive. Even if your brain unequivocally wants to die, your body is engineered to survive.