Venting How do I stop feeling guilty about wanting to die

[yuri77]

I'm the only child in my family and I can't stop thinking about how it'll affect my parents, I was maybe emotionally neglected in my childhood but they were never actually bad. Everything is just too much for me. I am living in a shithole, I have no friends, my parents don't accept me and everybody expects me to hide my true self but I just can't stop hating myself for being this way and I don't want to blame my parents. God I wish I could be normal. Then everybody would be happy, I'd live a normal life with supportive parents. The reason why this is happening is because I was born wrong. I am so tired of living like this I wish they understood me. I can't even imagine their reactions when they'll find my lifeless body, their lives are going to be ruined forever. Why did I have to be born? This is so cruel and unfair, I can't even kill myself in peace.

 

[Dawnfang11]

I struggled with those thoughts too. It might not be what you want/need to hear, but for me the cope was reminding myself that once I'm dead, I won't feel guilty anymore, and, ultimately, it won't matter.

 

[yuri77]

I struggled with those thoughts too. It might not be what you want/need to hear, but for me the cope was reminding myself that once I'm dead, I won't feel guilty anymore, and, ultimately, it won't matter.

I know it wont matter but the guilt is making me suffer so much right now. I know I will die soon and they'll probably never have another child, they wont be happy for a long time and I hate that I'll be the cause of this. I am sacrificing my own happiness so the people around me can be happy but I don't even know if it's worth it.