Venting How do I make my "parents" stop being controlling over my life decisions at 20 and pestering me because I want to quit university

[TheHatedOne]

I moved out but the shit didn't end. See, these "parents" have always been controlling over my life and never trusting me and being overall bitches no matter what I do, as if the abuse I received wasn't enough. Almost always they were in the wrong and I proved them right but they still do this shit.

They never traveled outside the country, they don't have much experience, they are dumb as bricks, yet they think they're above life advice received from trustworthy sources and from persons who know how the shit is working.

Now I want to quit university, I'm in the process of doing it and they of course started to leash out at me, of course comparing me to my sister as always, who didn't finish university either but still has an okayish job. I don't know, they seem to think that if you finish an university and get a degree you're automatically a billionaire Bezos style and if not you'll end up begging on the streets.

They are so out of touch with this world it's incredible. Now that I think of it I actually never wanted to go through university but I was basically forced by them. And now I look at the consequences.

I'm not made for university. I found solace in the thought that I was gonna learn a subject I like but it's hellish, and the abuse from the teachers that I experienced and witnessed... Hell no, that's not for me. University is a cold place full of pain and misery.

If I want to learn languages I'd better just follow some accredited courses with certificate. And I'm going to do it with English, to get the TEFL certificate to teach abroad. The salaries don't look that bad.

But of course, my "parents" are pestering me non stop cause they think if you don't follow the script of misery you are a failure. Fuck them. They're the most unsupportive parents I ever seen. Fuck, I hate that I have these parents.

In the end I'll kill myself at one point so why does it even matter? My blood still is boiling. Seriously, are you a failure if you don't finish university? I'd rather do something else and fail than go through 3 years of misery and still fail.

 

[TheHatedOne]

Pls I need advice :(

 

[TheHatedOne]

SS helpful as always. Tnx.

 

[bennay]

SS helpful as always. Tnx.

You're not being ignored! I'm reading your thread now will post back in a few!

 

[Darkover]

2/3 as a percent out of 100
which means that 2/3 as a percentage is 66.6667%.

 

[bennay]

I moved out but the shit didn't end. See, these "parents" have always been controlling over my life and never trusting me and being overall bitches no matter what I do, as if the abuse I received wasn't enough. Almost always they were in the wrong and I proved them right but they still do this shit.

They never traveled outside the country, they don't have much experience, they are dumb as bricks, yet they think they're above life advice received from trustworthy sources and from persons who know how the shit is working.

Now I want to quit university, I'm in the process of doing it and they of course started to leash out at me, of course comparing me to my sister as always, who didn't finish university either but still has an okayish job. I don't know, they seem to think that if you finish an university and get a degree you're automatically a billionaire Bezos style and if not you'll end up begging on the streets.

They are so out of touch with this world it's incredible. Now that I think of it I actually never wanted to go through university but I was basically forced by them. And now I look at the consequences.

I'm not made for university. I found solace in the thought that I was gonna learn a subject I like but it's hellish, and the abuse from the teachers that I experienced and witnessed... Hell no, that's not for me. University is a cold place full of pain and misery.

If I want to learn languages I'd better just follow some accredited courses with certificate. And I'm going to do it with English, to get the TEFL certificate to teach abroad. The salaries don't look that bad.

But of course, my "parents" are pestering me non stop cause they think if you don't follow the script of misery you are a failure. Fuck them. They're the most unsupportive parents I ever seen. Fuck, I hate that I have these parents.

In the end I'll kill myself at one point so why does it even matter? My blood still is boiling. Seriously, are you a failure if you don't finish university? I'd rather do something else and fail than go through 3 years of misery and still fail.

For starters, you are not a failure for not wanting to finish university. As you said, your parents are out of touch with the world. Many people all over the world aren't going to school because of cost and debt, not guaranteed a job out of school, it's just not for them, and especially why rush into school without fully knowing what they want to do and changing their study a bunch of times.
You have to do what feels right for you, you are an adult and it's your life, and the only one you're accountable to is yourself. I'm a huge advocate for cutting toxic people and energy out even if it's family because you have to protect yourself from crappy people that are going to make you feel like shit especially when they don't even bother trying to put themselves in your shoes or even remotely understand your point of view. I hope this helps in someway!

 

[Manaaja]

My "parents" are the same. Complete narcissistic retards whose "must be used before" date was 50 years ago, who barely even know how to use a computer yet think they know everything about everything.

Don't give a shit about what your parents think or feel. They want slaves, tell them to buy a robot. Most parents are so out of touch with modern world. I swear if I went to sociopaths's meeting, every single one of them would be a breeder. They can't understand that the world doesn't work like it worked 50 years ago.

 

[TheHatedOne]

For starters, you are not a failure for not wanting to finish university. As you said, your parents are out of touch with the world. Many people all over the world aren't going to school because of cost and debt, not guaranteed a job out of school, it's just not for them, and especially why rush into school without fully knowing what they want to do and changing their study a bunch of times.
You have to do what feels right for you, you are an adult and it's your life, and the only one you're accountable to is yourself. I'm a huge advocate for cutting toxic people and energy out even if it's family because you have to protect yourself from crappy people that are going to make you feel like shit especially when they don't even bother trying to put themselves in your shoes or even remotely understand your point of view. I hope this helps in someway!

The thing is that I'm still dependent on them in some way financially because I'd be struggling a lot otherwise. I'd need to get the TEFL certificate first in order to have some chances to become financially independent.

 

[bennay]

The thing is that I'm still dependent on them in some way financially because I'd be struggling a lot otherwise. I'd need to get the TEFL certificate first in order to have some chances to become financially independent.

Do you feel comfortable having a conversation with them and setting boundaries? This is assuming you haven't already!

 

[Suicidebydeath]

The thing is that I'm still dependent on them in some way financially because I'd be struggling a lot otherwise. I'd need to get the TEFL certificate first in order to have some chances to become financially independent.

This is how you get trapped. I hope you find independence soon, or weigh whether it's worth it for the situation to continue and have a negative influence on your health and mental well-being.

Since you already moved away, the next step is to cut off contact with them. That's my advice if your parents are a negative influence. Take it with a grain of salt because I don't know how balanced your relationship is. Depending on how bad it is, you'd be better off cutting all contact and regaining control over your life, before it's too late.

 

[TheHatedOne]

Do you feel comfortable having a conversation with them and setting boundaries? This is assuming you haven't already!

No matter how much I try to explain it's as if I'm talking to myself. (when i talk with them)

Edit: Just wanted to mention that while I was decorating the Christmas tree, at one point suddenly I remembered my friend's words: ''Here's to making decisions because YOU want to!'' which was also the last thing he ever said before dissappearing. And indeed he's right, I'm the one who goes through stuff, I'm the one who suffered while studying in university and I honestly don't even wanna return, it really broke me apart. It should be me taking decisions for myself, not for anyone else, as I did initially with university because of my ''parents''.

 

[bennay]

No matter how much I try to explain it's as if I'm talking to myself. (when i talk with them)

Edit: Just wanted to mention that while I was decorating the Christmas tree, at one point suddenly I remembered my friend's words: ''Here's to making decisions because YOU want to!'' which was also the last thing he ever said before dissappearing. And indeed he's right, I'm the one who goes through stuff, I'm the one who suffered while studying in university and I honestly don't even wanna return, it really broke me apart. It should be me taking decisions for myself, not for anyone else, as I did initially with university because of my ''parents''.

I'm sorry! I know how frustrating it is to feel like you're talking to a brick wall.
I just want you to know that no matter what, you're not a failure. In this day and age I feel like the most successful and courageous thing you can do is stay true to your own needs and wants despite what others think. Your friend is wise, you're the only one who has to deal with your life so you have to make decisions that are right for you. I mean, if you really think about it, you're doing all this stuff because of them now but then when they pass away, you're supposed to be stuck doing shit that makes you miserable for the rest of yours?

 

[TheHatedOne]

2/3 as a percent out of 100
which means that 2/3 as a percentage is 66.6667%.
View attachment 80529

While this mostly applies to the States, I can tell you that in both of the classes I'm in there are some people who already quit. In my major language there were 2 who quit, in language B (which is the primary reason I want to quit) there were 2-3 who quit and some who never appear to classes who will probably quit soon too. But ofc, in the opinion of those shithead ''parents'' I'm the only one in the world who wants to quit.

I'm sorry! I know how frustrating it is to feel like you're talking to a brick wall.
I just want you to know that no matter what, you're not a failure. In this day and age I feel like the most successful and courageous thing you can do is stay true to your own needs and wants despite what others think. Your friend is wise, you're the only one who has to deal with your life so you have to make decisions that are right for you. I mean, if you really think about it, you're doing all this stuff because of them now but then when they pass away, you're supposed to be stuck doing shit that makes you miserable for the rest of yours?

Yeah but I'm a sensitive and empathethic dumbass and I start to feel like it's my fault but I know it isn't. They have no right to say A SINGLE thing after all the abuse I went through because of them, they can go wipe their asses with their university, they should go 1 day in my place to see how it is. Fucking idiots.

 

[Joper]

it's such a bullshit that we are the ones paying for university, and yet some teachers there think higher of themselves. Hell you can even see it in their eyes when they enjoy the power they have over students. What a load of crap. University is money trap. Don't even reason with parents, if it's futile. Just say No. There is not a single thing they can. Imagine if they had just given the money they were going to spend on university to you.... just imagine for a second. I am pretty sure they do not want to give that money to you, however they are willing to give that money to the unitversity. Fuck i hate this world....... i can't comprehend the stupidity.

 

[Julgran]

I would think that your parents are just old-fashioned - rather than completely stupid - because reality isn't exactly how it was back when they were in school.

Also, the only thing that you shouldn't do is to do nothing, but you already seem to have a plan with the TEFL certificate.

Grab your future while it's yours

 

[cambrai33]

Sorry but at 20 you should probably move out and then they have no say in what you should or shouldn't do.

If you can't move out then I'm sure they can't force you to go and it's then stalemate

 

[Noctis]

I don't know your exact situation, but I'm going to make some assumptions here. Feel free to ignore or correct me if I'm wrong.

You know how you agonize over mistakes you made years ago? You think about them over and over and fantasize about what would happen if you'd just made the correct choice, or done something a little different.

Your parents do that too. And when they're overly controlling you and forcing you to make decisions you don't want to, they're trying to prevent you from making that same mistake that they agonize over every day. That's why they think they have more experience than you.

The problem with that thinking is you aren't them. While one person would really wish they'd gotten a higher education, another is perfectly happy working a minimum wage job, doing very little, and just vibing. Additionally, they got that experience by learning from mistakes. By forcing you into a position, you can't learn from it regardless of it was the right choice for you or not.

I'd like to tell you the secret to getting them to understand you. But my parents were also manipulative and controlling, and money was their favorite tool. Nothing improved until I moved out. At that point, I was no longer financially dependent on them, they immediately lost all their power and we have a fantastic relationship now; 2,000 miles apart and last communication was years ago.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

You don't. In most countries you are their retirement plan or at least a part of it .

Their generation failed to set up a workable economic system designed for the long term. In their view now it's your job to support them into old age with a bloated lifestyle despite the fact the oil reserves aren't there for it. The US , Chinese and other advanced nations have spent the past decades bombing the hell out of and suppressing living standards everywhere else to cover up this peak oil reality / fact.


Good luck!

2/3 as a percent out of 100
which means that 2/3 as a percentage is 66.6667%.
View attachment 80529

Those with a degree are 100 percent more likely to be debt slaves to the US government , and help
To finance its criminal occupations and genocides around the world.

 

[irafamma]

I experienced the same thing with my parents. I always tried to meet their expectations and I am very unhappy now because I feel like I have never lived my own life. What's important to them is not what's important to me. I can only advise you: if you want to quit university, just do it. Make yourself financially independent from your parents as soon as possible. That's the key.

 

[peepo]

I am on the same boat. I am 25 and my parents are controlling all of my life. Though they are little bit lenient in the recent years but before they controlled everything. Now I am socially behind and I am afraid of catching up. My dad made me go to university just to show off. "Hey look, my son is going to this university and doing this major". My parents are soo out of touch in reality. This is probably the reason why I never had a relationship. I dont even know what will happen if I get a girlfriend but that's never going to happen.

 

[TheHatedOne]

I experienced the same thing with my parents. I always tried to meet their expectations and I am very unhappy now because I feel like I have never lived my own life. What's important to them is not what's important to me. I can only advise you: if you want to quit university, just do it. Make yourself financially independent from your parents as soon as possible. That's the key.

I observed many parents want kids just to live their life through them without the mistakes that the parents made. However, they need to know that they bring into this world someone who is going to be a DIFFERENT PERSON who will have their own thoughts, beliefs, abilities, personality etc. and will take their own path in life according to these things. That being said, they need to realize this and stop being controlling because it only brings further misery for both sides.

Sorry but at 20 you should probably move out and then they have no say in what you should or shouldn't do.

If you can't move out then I'm sure they can't force you to go and it's then stalemate

I've already moved out but this still happens. I'm still a bit dependent on them and I go to visit my cat once a week. Last week my mother kept changing the subject of conversation to university and how will I rejoin. Of course she also threatened me what would happen if I don't rejoin but little do I care cause I'm planning my suicide.

it's such a bullshit that we are the ones paying for university, and yet some teachers there think higher of themselves. Hell you can even see it in their eyes when they enjoy the power they have over students. What a load of crap. University is money trap. Don't even reason with parents, if it's futile. Just say No. There is not a single thing they can. Imagine if they had just given the money they were going to spend on university to you.... just imagine for a second. I am pretty sure they do not want to give that money to you, however they are willing to give that money to the unitversity. Fuck i hate this world....... i can't comprehend the stupidity.

100% agree with you. Universities are just money making machines under the guise of ''higher education'', and they only look up for those who pay. Here at my university you can both pay or have it free if you have high enough grades which was my case all the time I've been there. They treat you like shit if you're in this situation.

It also doesn't help that now the job market requires you to have a degree even for the most basic jobs. In the past, universities used to be a place for learning and advancing in a field you were interested in and only intellectuals and rich people would go there. I don't know what happened that nowadays everyone has to do it. I really liked the part where you said how teachers think higher of themselves. While I was there I never seen people with such a god complex like them. They have a thrill from abusing power and treating students like robotic slaves.

Last Wednesday I had huge ass heartache and couldn't come to class, even if I told some classmates to tell the teacher that and they did it, she still kept asking for me and that she wants to talk to me after classes. Really, bitch??? The fucking audacity while my fucking heart was fucking hurting and I was dizzy overall, what the fuck did she want? Take my heart out from me and show her it's hurting?????? I fucking bet she would do this even if someone was dying in the hospital. Fucking idiots, they think we're robots with no health or emotional problems and if we don't go to their bullshit classes to further get emotionally abused it's as if you committed a crime. That seriously made me worse to the point I self harmed a bit, while having heartache. Can't wait to finish all this bullshit in January and get rid of these awful people.

With all these being said, I'm going through the process of dropping out. It's such a fancy and complex process just so they can keep you in here and squeeze more money out of you if you have to pay. You have to get signatures from two places, one which was far away and I got lost many times before finding it, even three if you're not from the city that the university is in but that's not my case. These signatures are to prove that you have no debt with them. Jokes on you, THEY'RE THE ONES who own me debt, they stole 101 euro from me back when I joined and they refused to give it back to me. Greedy fucks. And the people working there are simply awful.

This university thinks of itself as perfume while in reality it smells like shit. If I survive my suicide nothing will make me go back there. If I ever want to go to university again, I'd preferably go abroad to study and not in this shithole where everywhere you go you see power of abuse and where teachers stink of communism.