Help How do I go about being independent?

[ijustwishtodie]

I want to escape my family and live on my own but I don't know how to go about doing that. For context, I'm 18, autistic, I live in the UK, I struggle with getting out of bed and doing stuff and I also struggle at doing things quickly or adequately enough. Nonetheless, I don't want to be dependent on my parents as they want to force me to do an arranged marriage and to also want me to have kids.

For those of you who say that I can just say "no" to my parents, I mean, I can but I'd just get kicked out for not abiding by their desires. And they don't have to legally take care of me anymore as im an adult now. And I'm unfortunately dependent on them right now as I got no life or general skills nor any money.

So the best thing for me to do is be independent and escape. But I don't know how to do that especially when it's getting increasingly harder to afford a house. Even though who are developmentally better than me and who are working hard every single day struggle to move out due to inflation and cost of living. So what chance do I have?

I'd appreciate any tips. Thank you

 

[cali22♡]

Maybe you should search an job and save money
But please dont kys cause thats not an option to be independent

 

[justcallmeJ]

I dont know how social assistance is in the UK, but there must be places where youth with mental problems could go and learn to be independent? I dont know how its called in English but its a place where you live together with more people of your age, and sometimes some care takers? You learn to cook, clean, socialize and slowly become an adult.

 

[Spiritual survivor]

Being a young autistic woman, u are more at risk of getting abused in work places, not being able to pick up on potentially dangerous people in the early phase of a relationship. I was u in my youth but I came from an abusive environment on top of it. The safest place for women is to be married to a decent guy who can provide and protect, however I understand that u do not want to be forced to marry a guy that they choose for u. I never married and ended up struggling and my autism was never identified in my youth. I was used by men but I was allowing it because I was so desperate to be loved and wanted. Something I didn't experience growing up. The reality for many women especially these days, is that u are going to need a man because the days of women supporting themselves alone is quickly going to be a thing of the past. We're going back to needing to depend on men because the women being independent was kind of an artificial intervention done to extract more money thru taxation. They wanted to get women into the labor force to get more money but most women's jobs don't pay as well depending on what field you're in and because we don't produce as much testosterone, by age 30 women start to lose interest in the career thing and are more content to focus on family, relationships, being a wife. Our menstrual cycles can impact some women severely also leaving us not being able to earn as much because of having to call in sick if it's bad enough. On average women can't earn as much as top earning men because we are just wired up differently, we can't take on as many hours or physically difficult, and dangerous jobs that typically also pay much better. Anyway, if u want to get out of this situation, u would have to find some place to go. This might not be appealing but I suppose u could join the military in order to get housing. Being a young woman, u most likely would not remain homeless long if u sought some kind of services to get housed immediately. I don't recommend staying in a homeless shelter but I'm sure there is some of kind of help u could get where even if u were homeless for a short time they would help u find a place. Educate yourself about predatory people such as narcissists, psychopaths, sociopaths, to learn the red flags of potentially abusive or exploitative people. They are unfortunately more common these days and u need to really be able to know how to spot them early. Being a young autistic woman you are more vulnerable than average to these kinds of people.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Maybe you should search an job and save money
But please dont kys cause thats not an option to be independent

I've been looking for a part time job, not actively though. Also, I only see independence as something that may help me to experience less pain (but not substantially so due to me having to slave away still). All in all, I only want to get rid of the pain that I feel and both suicide and independence could do that, the former more than the latter but I'm in the recovery forum

 

[cali22♡]

I've been looking for a part time job, not actively though. Also, I only see independence as something that may help me to experience less pain (but not substantially so due to me having to slave away still). All in all, I only want to get rid of the pain that I feel and both suicide and independence could do that, the former more than the latter but I'm in the recovery forum

We can write privatly about our problems if you want. . .
I perfectly knew what you mean cause i have the same problem but an other story

I've been looking for a part time job, not actively though. Also, I only see independence as something that may help me to experience less pain (but not substantially so due to me having to slave away still). All in all, I only want to get rid of the pain that I feel and both suicide and independence could do that, the former more than the latter but I'm in the recovery forum

If you have the messenger Session we could Talk its very anonymous and you dont need to register there if you dont trust me you can research it

 

[Kit1]

I want to escape my family and live on my own but I don't know how to go about doing that. For context, I'm 18, autistic, I live in the UK, I struggle with getting out of bed and doing stuff and I also struggle at doing things quickly or adequately enough. Nonetheless, I don't want to be dependent on my parents as they want to force me to do an arranged marriage and to also want me to have kids.

For those of you who say that I can just say "no" to my parents, I mean, I can but I'd just get kicked out for not abiding by their desires. And they don't have to legally take care of me anymore as im an adult now. And I'm unfortunately dependent on them right now as I got no life or general skills nor any money.

So the best thing for me to do is be independent and escape. But I don't know how to do that especially when it's getting increasingly harder to afford a house. Even though who are developmentally better than me and who are working hard every single day struggle to move out due to inflation and cost of living. So what chance do I have?

I'd appreciate any tips. Thank you

I am so sorry that you are going through this. There is quite a lot of support available in the UK and I have a comprehensive list of organisations that you can reach out to - I work in a field that is related to this. For context, can you kindly tell me (if you are comfortable) what your background is and I can send you the relevant information.

There are a number of charities who you can reach out to and they will be able to help you leave home and support you into a life of independence - for people with autism, for people from ethnic minority communities, people being challenged with forced marriages etc.

There is also state support available that Department for Work and Pensions can support you with and other Depattments as well. Though you might be feeling alone and scared, I promise you that you are not alone and there are people and organisations that can help. Please give me some time to work our how to get the information to you and happy to talk you through the processes as well.

Can someone on this forum tell me how I can attach a list of support service available on here please.

Thank you

 

[cali22♡]

I am so sorry that you are going through this. There is quite a lot of support available in the UK and I have a comprehensive list of organisations that you can reach out to - I work in a field that is related to this. For context, can you kindly tell me (if you are comfortable) what your background is and I can send you the relevant information.

There are a number of charities who you can reach out to and they will be able to help you leave home and support you into a life of independence - for people with autism, for people from ethnic minority communities, people being challenged with forced marriages etc.

There is also state support available that Department for Work and Pensions can support you with and other Depattments as well. Though you might be feeling alone and scared, I promise you that you are not alone and there are people and organisations that can help. Please give me some time to work our how to get the information to you and happy to talk you through the processes as well.

Can someone on this forum tell me how I can attach a list of support service available on here please.

Thank you

Just post the list of charities here

 

[Kit1]

It is a few pages long and better off attaching it as a word document. Then the member can access the most suitable charities for her/himself..,

 

[cali22♡]

You could upload your file into an anonymous hoster and then send us the link of the file than everyone who needs it could download it without saying what they have its better for them . . .

 

[Kit1]

That is an excellent idea - I have a few resources actually. The question is how do I post as an anonymous hoster. Could I not attach word documents on here? I am so sorry to bother you - it is just that I cannot ask anyone outside of here as no kne knows that I am on this site..,

 

[Kit1]

Refuges and escaping the home:
Escaping abusive relationships can be really difficult. If you or someone you know is in need of refuge, there are a few ways you can get support.

Refuge provides accommodation for women and children escaping abusive homes, as does Women's Aid. The contact details for both of these organisations are in the Annex below.

For men, there are fewer options through specialist domestic abuse charities. However, it is still worth contacting Women's Aid as they do have some refuges that support men as well.

Homeless charities will also provide support for those escaping abusive homes. It is worth contacting Shelter and other homeless charities such as St Mongo's.

It is also worth contacting your local authority as they may be able to provide emergency housing.

In terms of the cost of moving out, please see some of the advice from surviving economic abuse whose contact details are listed in the section above. Women's Aid also provide money for train tickets from the home to a refuge for those escaping domestic abuse.

Reporting abuse to the police:
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 999 to report the abuse and receive relevant assistance.

For IDVA support, victim support may be able to help you and if they cannot, they may help you find a service that is more appropriate: Domestic abuse services - Victim Support.

Financial support:
Depending on the situation, you may be able to get financial support through Department for Work and Pensions (DWP). Contact your local job centre to find out more.

Local authorities and separate counties in the UK have assistance programmes to help with the financial strain of domestic abuse. Contact the local citizens advice for more assistance.

The financial support line for victims of domestic abuse – This is a support line run by money advice plus and surviving.
0132 363 5987 (Financial Support Line)

If you need more support, contact Surviving Economic Abuse.
Although the resources on there are primarily for women, most of the resources on their website are applicable to everybody.
ANNEX A: CHARITIES AND ORGANISATIONS THAT MAY BE ABLE TO PROVIDE ASSISTANCE

We recognise that this is not an exhaustive list of charities and organisations, these are some of the charities that may be able to support you or someone you know who is experiencing abuse. There are many smaller, local charities that can provide support as well. While we cannot list every charity here, it is worth using the internet to find the organisation that suits the individual situation best.

Domestic abuse organisations

• The Dash Charity

thedashcharity.org.uk Information, a helpline, advocacy services and legal support for adults who have experienced domestic abuse. Also runs refuge accommodation in Berkshire for women and children.
Phone: 0175 354 9865

• Safer Places

saferplaces.co.uk Helpline, a live chat and information for adults who have experienced domestic and sexual abuse or violence. Offers refuge accommodation services in Essex and Hertfordshire.
Phone: 0330 102 5811

• The Hide Out

thehideout.org.uk Information to help young people understand domestic abuse, and what to do if it's happening to them. Run by domestic abuse charity Women's Aid.

• Respect Not Fear

respectnotfear.co.uk Information for young people about domestic violence and abusive relationships.

• Bright Sky app

Bright Sky is a mobile app and website for anyone experiencing domestic abuse, or who is worried about someone else.

The app can be downloaded for free from the app stores. Only download the app if it is safe for you to do so and if you are sure that your phone isn't being monitored.

• Calan DVS

Calan DVS.org.uk One of the largest domestic abuse charities in Wales and we are committed to working in partnership to end domestic violence and abuse.
Email: [email protected]
Phone: 0808 801 0800

• Refuge

refuge.org.uk Support, information and advocacy for women and children who have experienced domestic violence and abuse.
Phone: 0808 2000 247

• Welsh Women's Aid

welshwomensaid.org.uk
Information and support for women and children who have experienced domestic abuse, including a directory of local services.
Phone: 0808 80 10 800 (Live Fear Free Helpline)

• Woman's Trust

womanstrust.org.uk
A specialist mental health charity for women who have experienced domestic abuse. Provides free face-to-face counselling, workshops, therapy and support groups in certain London boroughs.
Phone: 0207 034 0303

• Women's Aid (England)

Women's Aid Live Chat support
womensaid.org.uk
Information and support for women and children who have experienced domestic abuse, including support by live chat, a directory of local services and a forum.
The Survivor's Handbook - Women's Aid (womensaid.org.uk)

Male

• Men's Advice Line

mensadviceline.org.uk
Confidential advice and support for men who have experienced domestic violence and abuse by a current or ex-partner or family member.
Phone: 0808 801 0327

• Men's Aid

mensaid.co.uk
Works to promote welfare for men who have experienced domestic abuse, as well as families and children.
Phone: 0333 567 0556

• Dyn Wales

Dyn Wales | Dyn Project
Email: [email protected]
Phone: 0808 801 0321



Organisations that support ethnic minorities

• Ashiana

ashianasheffield.org supports Black, Asian, Minority Ethnic and refugee women in England who have experienced domestic abuse, forced marriage and honour-based violence. Also supports children and young people.
Phone: 0114 255 5740

• Roshini

roshnibirmingham.org.uk supports people from BAME communities who have experienced domestic abuse, honour-based violence, forced marriage, rape or sexual assault. Offers two 24-hour multilingual helplines – national support for domestic abuse, and support in the West Midlands for forced marriage and honour-based abuse.
Phone: 0800 953 9666 (domestic abuse)
0800 953 9777 (forced marriage and honour-based abuse)

• Southall Black Sisters

southallblacksisters.org.uk
Information, advice, advocacy, practical help, counselling and support to BAME women and children who have experienced domestic and sexual violence. Offers telephone services in multiple languages. Operates within the London Borough of Ealing.
Phone: 0208 571 9595

• Halo Project

haloproject.org.uk
Provides advice and support to victims of forced marriage, honour-based violence and female genital mutilation through a helpline and live chat. Can also advise concerned relatives or friends.
Phone: 0164 268 3045
0808 178 8424 (freephone)

• Karma Nirvana

karmanirvana.org.uk
Supports victims of forced marriage and honour-based abuse. Also offers a face-to-face advocacy service for people in West Yorkshire
Phone: 0800 5999 247

• Stay Safe East

Stay Safe East - supporting disabled survivors of abuse - Stay Safe East (staysafe-east.org.uk) Stay Safe East is run by and for disabled people. We provide advocacy and support services of domestic abuse, sexual violence, hate crime, harassment and other forms of abuse. We serve communities in London.
Phone/text: 07865 340 122
Contact: [email protected]

Religious organisations

• Sikh Women's Aid

Sikh Women's Aid Domestic Abuse Charity (sikhwomensaid.org.uk)
Their aim is to reduce the extent of harm and violence to vulnerable people, with greater emphasis on women and children with language barriers, in the Sikh and Panjabi are subjected to.
Phone: 0333 090 1220

• Amina – The Muslim Women's Resource Centre

AMINA - Muslim Women's Resource Centre - Amina Muslim Women Resource Centre (mwrc.org.uk)
Amina is an intersectional organisation that empowers and supports Muslim and BME women to create an inclusive Scotland in which they can contribute fully. An inclusive world where Muslim and Black and Minority Ethnic (BME) women are fulfilling their aspirations.
Helpline: 0808 801 0301
Phone: 0141 212 8420
Email: [email protected]

• Jewish Women's Aid

Jewish Women's Aid (jwa.org.uk)
Jewish Women's Aid (JWA) was founded to support the thousands of Jewish women who, each year, will face physical, emotional, psychological, sexual or economic abuse from within their own close family. We now also support Jewish women affected by sexual violence.
Helpline: 0808 801 0500
Webchat Service: WEB CHAT SERVICE:JWA.ORG.UK/WEBCHAT

• Black Church Domestic Abuse Forum

Supporting church leaders to help address domestic violence in the church (bcdaf.org.uk)
The BCDAF is a group of black Christians, social workers, psychologists, pastors, advocates and academics who are addressing the 'elephant' in our congregations that is domestic abuse. Silence and tacit acceptance of domestic abuse undermines our teachings of love and corrupts the emblem of the church as a place of safety and deliverance.
Email: [email protected]

• Associations of Christians in counselling

Homepage | Association of Christian Counsellors (acc-uk.org)
ACC is a professional body set up in 1992 to facilitate quality counselling, psychotherapy, pastoral care and related training. We are the only Christian UK-wide counselling organisation holding an Accredited Register with the Professional Standards Authority. We offer membership to individual counsellors and psychotherapists; organisations, agencies and Churches concerned with counselling/psychotherapy or related activities; and pastoral carers.
Email: [email protected]

• Safe Spaces

Safe Spaces England and Wales – Safe Spaces England and Wales
Safe Spaces is a free and independent support service, providing a confidential, personal and safe space for anyone who has been abused by someone in the Church or as a result of their relationship with the Church of England, the Catholic Church of England and Wales or the Church in Wales.
Email: [email protected]
Helpline: 0300 303 1056

• National Board of Catholic Women

NBCW actively promote the presence, participation and responsibilities of Catholic women in the Church and society. They have produced a handbook on domestic abuse which is available to download on their website.

• Sikh Helpline

Home - Sikh Helpline UK
The Sikh Helpline has developed itself to be a trusted point of contact for members of the community in dealing with a range of issues, especially those linked to cultural and social taboos. The Sikh Helpline is a free professional and confidential telephone counselling and email inquiry service.
Phone: 03000 3000 63 OR 07999 0043 63
Email: [email protected]

• The Catholic Church Bishops Conference in England and Wales

Domestic Abuse - Catholic Bishops' Conference (cbcew.org.uk)
The Catholic Church Bishops Conference in England and Wales has quite a lot of resources about domestic Abuse.

​

Government support

• The Forced Marriage Unit

gov.uk/forced marriage
Helpline to provide advice and support to actual or potential victims of forced marriage, as well as to professionals dealing with cases. Joint initiative between the Foreign Office and Home Office.
Phone: 0207 008 0151



Mental health support

• CALM

Is the Campaign Against Living Miserably for anyone aged over 16.
Phone: 0800 585858 (All week, 5pm-Midnight).
Offers a webchat facility.

• HOPElineUK

www.papyrus-uk.org is a confidential support and advice service for children and young people under the age of 35 who are experiencing thoughts of suicide, or anyone concerned that a young person could be thinking about suicide.
Phone: HOPElineUK 0800 068 4141 (All week, 9am-Midnight).
Email: [email protected]

• Mental Health Matters

mhm.org.uk is a helpline for people struggling with their mental health - as well as for carers, families and friends. They can offer emotional guidance, information and help people who may be feeling low, anxious, stressed or in extreme emotional distress and feel that there is nowhere else to turn. Support is also for people caring for another person and finding it difficult to cope. The service is confidential unless it is considered there is a risk to yourself or others.

• No Panic

nopanic.org.uk Offers support for sufferers of panic attacks and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).
Phone: 0844 967 4848 (All week, 10am-10pm).

• Samaritans

Offer a listening service, without judgement or pressure, to anyone who is struggling to cope. They offer a confidential, free helpline across the UK that is open 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days of the year.
Call: 116 123
Write an email to [email protected] (response time: 24 hours)
Write a letter (Freepost SAMARITANS LETTERS)

• Shout

giveusashout.org is the UK's first 24/7 free text service, for anyone in crisis anytime, anywhere. We can help with urgent issues such as: suicidal thoughts, abuse or assault, self-harm, bullying and relationship challenges.
Text 'Shout' to 85258

• Stand Alone Charity

standalone.org.uk offer support services and a community to prevent estranged adults becoming vulnerable. They talk openly about the experience of family estrangement to help others lead lives that are less isolated.

I want to escape my family and live on my own but I don't know how to go about doing that. For context, I'm 18, autistic, I live in the UK, I struggle with getting out of bed and doing stuff and I also struggle at doing things quickly or adequately enough. Nonetheless, I don't want to be dependent on my parents as they want to force me to do an arranged marriage and to also want me to have kids.

For those of you who say that I can just say "no" to my parents, I mean, I can but I'd just get kicked out for not abiding by their desires. And they don't have to legally take care of me anymore as im an adult now. And I'm unfortunately dependent on them right now as I got no life or general skills nor any money.

So the best thing for me to do is be independent and escape. But I don't know how to do that especially when it's getting increasingly harder to afford a house. Even though who are developmentally better than me and who are working hard every single day struggle to move out due to inflation and cost of living. So what chance do I have?

I'd appreciate any tips. Thank you

I have just posted some of the support organisations - as I had difficulties attaching the word document, I have taken out what might relevant information for you - the post is waiting to be checked by the moderator (probably because there is a lot of information). Please feel free to reach out to me and I will be happy to talk you through how you can reach out for help as the information is probably might be overwhelming to work through. Also you could apply for universal credit through www.gov.uk - when you visit your local jobcentre, ask to speak to a work coach privately (ideally ask to speak to a J9 trained member of staff) and talk to the person about what you are going through to get further support. Jobcentre staff, police, council employees not have a lot of information and support that they can reach out for to ensure that you are given the right support to escape your current circumstances and will also enable you to build an independent life for yourself. Remember that you are not alone in this and there is definitely a routeway out of this and to a life where you can be yourself.

 

[subhuman metalhead]

My suggestion first would be to start doing more chores around the house and picking up after yourself. This will show your parents that you are more capable than they think you are. Second is to look for a job and to start saving up money. This will show your parents that you have initiative to live on your own. You can PM me to talk more about this because you seem to be in a similar situation to me.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Refuges and escaping the home:
Escaping abusive relationships can be really difficult. If you or someone you know is in need of refuge, there are a few ways you can get support.

Refuge provides accommodation for women and children escaping abusive homes, as does Women's Aid. The contact details for both of these organisations are in the Annex below.

For men, there are fewer options through specialist domestic abuse charities. However, it is still worth contacting Women's Aid as they do have some refuges that support men as well.

Homeless charities will also provide support for those escaping abusive homes. It is worth contacting Shelter and other homeless charities such as St Mongo's.

It is also worth contacting your local authority as they may be able to provide emergency housing.

In terms of the cost of moving out, please see some of the advice from surviving economic abuse whose contact details are listed in the section above. Women's Aid also provide money for train tickets from the home to a refuge for those escaping domestic abuse.

Reporting abuse to the police:
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 999 to report the abuse and receive relevant assistance.

For IDVA support, victim support may be able to help you and if they cannot, they may help you find a service that is more appropriate: Domestic abuse services - Victim Support.

Financial support:
Depending on the situation, you may be able to get financial support through Department for Work and Pensions (DWP). Contact your local job centre to find out more.

Local authorities and separate counties in the UK have assistance programmes to help with the financial strain of domestic abuse. Contact the local citizens advice for more assistance.

The financial support line for victims of domestic abuse – This is a support line run by money advice plus and surviving.
0132 363 5987 (Financial Support Line)

If you need more support, contact Surviving Economic Abuse.
Although the resources on there are primarily for women, most of the resources on their website are applicable to everybody.
ANNEX A: CHARITIES AND ORGANISATIONS THAT MAY BE ABLE TO PROVIDE ASSISTANCE

We recognise that this is not an exhaustive list of charities and organisations, these are some of the charities that may be able to support you or someone you know who is experiencing abuse. There are many smaller, local charities that can provide support as well. While we cannot list every charity here, it is worth using the internet to find the organisation that suits the individual situation best.

Domestic abuse organisations

• The Dash Charity

thedashcharity.org.uk Information, a helpline, advocacy services and legal support for adults who have experienced domestic abuse. Also runs refuge accommodation in Berkshire for women and children.
Phone: 0175 354 9865

• Safer Places

saferplaces.co.uk Helpline, a live chat and information for adults who have experienced domestic and sexual abuse or violence. Offers refuge accommodation services in Essex and Hertfordshire.
Phone: 0330 102 5811

• The Hide Out

thehideout.org.uk Information to help young people understand domestic abuse, and what to do if it's happening to them. Run by domestic abuse charity Women's Aid.

• Respect Not Fear

respectnotfear.co.uk Information for young people about domestic violence and abusive relationships.

• Bright Sky app

Bright Sky is a mobile app and website for anyone experiencing domestic abuse, or who is worried about someone else.

The app can be downloaded for free from the app stores. Only download the app if it is safe for you to do so and if you are sure that your phone isn't being monitored.

• Calan DVS

Calan DVS.org.uk One of the largest domestic abuse charities in Wales and we are committed to working in partnership to end domestic violence and abuse.
Email: [email protected]
Phone: 0808 801 0800

• Refuge

refuge.org.uk Support, information and advocacy for women and children who have experienced domestic violence and abuse.
Phone: 0808 2000 247

• Welsh Women's Aid

welshwomensaid.org.uk
Information and support for women and children who have experienced domestic abuse, including a directory of local services.
Phone: 0808 80 10 800 (Live Fear Free Helpline)

• Woman's Trust

womanstrust.org.uk
A specialist mental health charity for women who have experienced domestic abuse. Provides free face-to-face counselling, workshops, therapy and support groups in certain London boroughs.
Phone: 0207 034 0303

• Women's Aid (England)

Women's Aid Live Chat support
womensaid.org.uk
Information and support for women and children who have experienced domestic abuse, including support by live chat, a directory of local services and a forum.
The Survivor's Handbook - Women's Aid (womensaid.org.uk)

Male

• Men's Advice Line

mensadviceline.org.uk
Confidential advice and support for men who have experienced domestic violence and abuse by a current or ex-partner or family member.
Phone: 0808 801 0327

• Men's Aid

mensaid.co.uk
Works to promote welfare for men who have experienced domestic abuse, as well as families and children.
Phone: 0333 567 0556

• Dyn Wales

Dyn Wales | Dyn Project
Email: [email protected]
Phone: 0808 801 0321



Organisations that support ethnic minorities

• Ashiana

ashianasheffield.org supports Black, Asian, Minority Ethnic and refugee women in England who have experienced domestic abuse, forced marriage and honour-based violence. Also supports children and young people.
Phone: 0114 255 5740

• Roshini

roshnibirmingham.org.uk supports people from BAME communities who have experienced domestic abuse, honour-based violence, forced marriage, rape or sexual assault. Offers two 24-hour multilingual helplines – national support for domestic abuse, and support in the West Midlands for forced marriage and honour-based abuse.
Phone: 0800 953 9666 (domestic abuse)
0800 953 9777 (forced marriage and honour-based abuse)

• Southall Black Sisters

southallblacksisters.org.uk
Information, advice, advocacy, practical help, counselling and support to BAME women and children who have experienced domestic and sexual violence. Offers telephone services in multiple languages. Operates within the London Borough of Ealing.
Phone: 0208 571 9595

• Halo Project

haloproject.org.uk
Provides advice and support to victims of forced marriage, honour-based violence and female genital mutilation through a helpline and live chat. Can also advise concerned relatives or friends.
Phone: 0164 268 3045
0808 178 8424 (freephone)

• Karma Nirvana

karmanirvana.org.uk
Supports victims of forced marriage and honour-based abuse. Also offers a face-to-face advocacy service for people in West Yorkshire
Phone: 0800 5999 247

• Stay Safe East

Stay Safe East - supporting disabled survivors of abuse - Stay Safe East (staysafe-east.org.uk) Stay Safe East is run by and for disabled people. We provide advocacy and support services of domestic abuse, sexual violence, hate crime, harassment and other forms of abuse. We serve communities in London.
Phone/text: 07865 340 122
Contact: [email protected]

Religious organisations

• Sikh Women's Aid

Sikh Women's Aid Domestic Abuse Charity (sikhwomensaid.org.uk)
Their aim is to reduce the extent of harm and violence to vulnerable people, with greater emphasis on women and children with language barriers, in the Sikh and Panjabi are subjected to.
Phone: 0333 090 1220

• Amina – The Muslim Women's Resource Centre

AMINA - Muslim Women's Resource Centre - Amina Muslim Women Resource Centre (mwrc.org.uk)
Amina is an intersectional organisation that empowers and supports Muslim and BME women to create an inclusive Scotland in which they can contribute fully. An inclusive world where Muslim and Black and Minority Ethnic (BME) women are fulfilling their aspirations.
Helpline: 0808 801 0301
Phone: 0141 212 8420
Email: [email protected]

• Jewish Women's Aid

Jewish Women's Aid (jwa.org.uk)
Jewish Women's Aid (JWA) was founded to support the thousands of Jewish women who, each year, will face physical, emotional, psychological, sexual or economic abuse from within their own close family. We now also support Jewish women affected by sexual violence.
Helpline: 0808 801 0500
Webchat Service: WEB CHAT SERVICE:JWA.ORG.UK/WEBCHAT

• Black Church Domestic Abuse Forum

Supporting church leaders to help address domestic violence in the church (bcdaf.org.uk)
The BCDAF is a group of black Christians, social workers, psychologists, pastors, advocates and academics who are addressing the 'elephant' in our congregations that is domestic abuse. Silence and tacit acceptance of domestic abuse undermines our teachings of love and corrupts the emblem of the church as a place of safety and deliverance.
Email: [email protected]

• Associations of Christians in counselling

Homepage | Association of Christian Counsellors (acc-uk.org)
ACC is a professional body set up in 1992 to facilitate quality counselling, psychotherapy, pastoral care and related training. We are the only Christian UK-wide counselling organisation holding an Accredited Register with the Professional Standards Authority. We offer membership to individual counsellors and psychotherapists; organisations, agencies and Churches concerned with counselling/psychotherapy or related activities; and pastoral carers.
Email: [email protected]

• Safe Spaces

Safe Spaces England and Wales – Safe Spaces England and Wales
Safe Spaces is a free and independent support service, providing a confidential, personal and safe space for anyone who has been abused by someone in the Church or as a result of their relationship with the Church of England, the Catholic Church of England and Wales or the Church in Wales.
Email: [email protected]
Helpline: 0300 303 1056

• National Board of Catholic Women

NBCW actively promote the presence, participation and responsibilities of Catholic women in the Church and society. They have produced a handbook on domestic abuse which is available to download on their website.

• Sikh Helpline

Home - Sikh Helpline UK
The Sikh Helpline has developed itself to be a trusted point of contact for members of the community in dealing with a range of issues, especially those linked to cultural and social taboos. The Sikh Helpline is a free professional and confidential telephone counselling and email inquiry service.
Phone: 03000 3000 63 OR 07999 0043 63
Email: [email protected]

• The Catholic Church Bishops Conference in England and Wales

Domestic Abuse - Catholic Bishops' Conference (cbcew.org.uk)
The Catholic Church Bishops Conference in England and Wales has quite a lot of resources about domestic Abuse.

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Government support

• The Forced Marriage Unit

gov.uk/forced marriage
Helpline to provide advice and support to actual or potential victims of forced marriage, as well as to professionals dealing with cases. Joint initiative between the Foreign Office and Home Office.
Phone: 0207 008 0151



Mental health support

• CALM

Is the Campaign Against Living Miserably for anyone aged over 16.
Phone: 0800 585858 (All week, 5pm-Midnight).
Offers a webchat facility.

• HOPElineUK

www.papyrus-uk.org is a confidential support and advice service for children and young people under the age of 35 who are experiencing thoughts of suicide, or anyone concerned that a young person could be thinking about suicide.
Phone: HOPElineUK 0800 068 4141 (All week, 9am-Midnight).
Email: [email protected]

• Mental Health Matters

mhm.org.uk is a helpline for people struggling with their mental health - as well as for carers, families and friends. They can offer emotional guidance, information and help people who may be feeling low, anxious, stressed or in extreme emotional distress and feel that there is nowhere else to turn. Support is also for people caring for another person and finding it difficult to cope. The service is confidential unless it is considered there is a risk to yourself or others.

• No Panic

nopanic.org.uk Offers support for sufferers of panic attacks and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).
Phone: 0844 967 4848 (All week, 10am-10pm).

• Samaritans

Offer a listening service, without judgement or pressure, to anyone who is struggling to cope. They offer a confidential, free helpline across the UK that is open 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days of the year.
Call: 116 123
Write an email to [email protected] (response time: 24 hours)
Write a letter (Freepost SAMARITANS LETTERS)

• Shout

giveusashout.org is the UK's first 24/7 free text service, for anyone in crisis anytime, anywhere. We can help with urgent issues such as: suicidal thoughts, abuse or assault, self-harm, bullying and relationship challenges.
Text 'Shout' to 85258

• Stand Alone Charity

standalone.org.uk offer support services and a community to prevent estranged adults becoming vulnerable. They talk openly about the experience of family estrangement to help others lead lives that are less isolated.

I have just posted some of the support organisations - as I had difficulties attaching the word document, I have taken out what might relevant information for you - the post is waiting to be checked by the moderator (probably because there is a lot of information). Please feel free to reach out to me and I will be happy to talk you through how you can reach out for help as the information is probably might be overwhelming to work through. Also you could apply for universal credit through www.gov.uk - when you visit your local jobcentre, ask to speak to a work coach privately (ideally ask to speak to a J9 trained member of staff) and talk to the person about what you are going through to get further support. Jobcentre staff, police, council employees not have a lot of information and support that they can reach out for to ensure that you are given the right support to escape your current circumstances and will also enable you to build an independent life for yourself. Remember that you are not alone in this and there is definitely a routeway out of this and to a life where you can be yourself.

Thank you for this. Unfortunately, and I should have clarified this at the start, I'm a male. Also, how exactly do these organisations work? As in, do I have to go somewhere to meet them (after contacting them of course)? The problem is that my mum is really overprotective and I can't leave the house without her permission and I got no excuses at all to be leaving the house. So I'd have to do everything at home

 

[ijustwishtodie]

My suggestion first would be to start doing more chores around the house and picking up after yourself. This will show your parents that you are more capable than they think you are. Second is to look for a job and to start saving up money. This will show your parents that you have initiative to live on your own. You can PM me to talk more about this because you seem to be in a similar situation to me.

Funny thing, my mum actually has been encouraging me to do a part time job (even if her reason for that is so that I can give back to her). Yet I only have myself to blame as I haven't been actively searching for a job. Days and eventually weeks pass and I don't manage to do anything.

Also, out of curiosity, how exactly do pms work here? Like how can I pm you or vice versa?

 

[Kit1]

Thank you for this. Unfortunately, and I should have clarified this at the start, I'm a male. Also, how exactly do these organisations work? As in, do I have to go somewhere to meet them (after contacting them of course)? The problem is that my mum is really overprotective and I can't leave the house without her permission and I got no excuses at all to be leaving the house. So I'd have to do everything at home

It is okay - there is support available for males as well. May I please come back to you on Monday evening as I would like to discuss the best way forward with a couple of my colleagues and look at some information. You can make the calls from home to begin with. Promise to post back in Monday evening. Take care.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

It is okay - there is support available for males as well. May I please come back to you on Monday evening as I would like to discuss the best way forward with a couple of my colleagues and look at some information. You can make the calls from home to begin with. Promise to post back in Monday evening. Take care.

That's fine. I'll wait until then. Please take your time and take care too

 

[Kit1]

I want to escape my family and live on my own but I don't know how to go about doing that. For context, I'm 18, autistic, I live in the UK, I struggle with getting out of bed and doing stuff and I also struggle at doing things quickly or adequately enough. Nonetheless, I don't want to be dependent on my parents as they want to force me to do an arranged marriage and to also want me to have kids.

For those of you who say that I can just say "no" to my parents, I mean, I can but I'd just get kicked out for not abiding by their desires. And they don't have to legally take care of me anymore as im an adult now. And I'm unfortunately dependent on them right now as I got no life or general skills nor any money.

So the best thing for me to do is be independent and escape. But I don't know how to do that especially when it's getting increasingly harder to afford a house. Even though who are developmentally better than me and who are working hard every single day struggle to move out due to inflation and cost of living. So what chance do I have?

I'd appreciate any tips. Thank you

Hi,

How are you feeling?

I have been looking at support and spoke to a couple of organisations as well. Given that you are not able to leave the house, the best people to contact will be The Forced Marriage unit and they can be contacted on 020 7008 0151 or you can email them - [email protected]

If you are able to convince your mum to let you apply for benefits or to look for work and apply for universal credit on www.gov.uk, you will be invited in for an interview. If anyone comes with you to the Jobcentre appointment, you could.try to communicate with them privately by asking to speak with "Ani", pass a written note with your predicament and they will find a way to speak with you alone to formulate a plan to help you. Being autistic does not mean that you will not be able to work - I am autistic as well. Also there are Disability Employment Advisors (DEA) IN Jobcentres who provide support for vulnerable clients to get into work, advisors who are J9 trained professionals who can help to get you the support including work, working together with local authority etc to organise housing etc.

Also please have a look at Hub of Hope - if you enter your postcode, it will list the services available according to your locality.

And please feel free to reach out to me anytime. I usually check the forum evenings and weekends. There is definitely help available our there as I have seen quite a few people go through similar challenges and have been helped.

Take care.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Hi,

How are you feeling

The exact same

I have been looking at support and spoke to a couple of organisations as well. Given that you are not able to leave the house, the best people to contact will be The Forced Marriage unit and they can be contacted on 020 7008 0151 or you can email them - [email protected]

I see, thank you

If you are able to convince your mum to let you apply for benefits or to look for work and apply for universal credit on www.gov.uk, you will be invited in for an interview. If anyone comes with you to the Jobcentre appointment, you could.try to communicate with them privately by asking to speak with "Ani", pass a written note with your predicament and they will find a way to speak with you alone to formulate a plan to help you. Being autistic does not mean that you will not be able to work - I am autistic as well. Also there are Disability Employment Advisors (DEA) IN Jobcentres who provide support for vulnerable clients to get into work, advisors who are J9 trained professionals who can help to get you the support including work, working together with local authority etc to organise housing etc.

I already asked my mum about universal credit but she disagreed and said that a part time job is better

Also please have a look at Hub of Hope - if you enter your postcode, it will list the services available according to your locality.

Thank you, I'll do that