How do I get over the survival instinct and just PULL the TRIGGER???

[Ducksauce6]

I just can't do it you all .... How come I can't pull the trigger.... Going to CTB by firearm , how the fuck can I just relax and squeeze.... I have everything I need.... Should I eat my entire diazepam Rx? I was gunna leave them for a greiving momma?? But I cannot get over the instinct to survive I'm so worried it'll hurt, the last thing I will taste is rusty pennies and blood and WD-40/gun oil taste ......depressing as fuck

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly hate how it isn't more straightforward to leave this existence, it must be dreadful being stuck in that situation.

 

[Ducksauce6]

But I'm still about that action.... I've prepared for along time and told.mysellf I wouldn't even attempt.... If I go out to the land in my suit w rifle.....I'm completely the act then and there after praying

I certainly hate how it isn't more straightforward to leave this existence, it must be dreadful being stuck in that situation.

Man it really could be! Im just such a pussy I put a pistol in my mouth and head everyday but I just can't do it.... Posted in another thread went out and bought a huge rifle and am just watching a few TV shows and classic movies for this last week or two. This is gunna devastate my family but life goes on....

 

[SVEN]

Maybe try getting into the habit of going through all the motions of ctb with the firearm unloaded, working up to the point where you're more relaxed at dry firing. Once you've overcome all the inherent strangeness and panic involved in the routine you'll have built up some muscle memory, the steps involved won't seem so weird and you may even derive some comfort from how familiar it has become.
Then, some time when you feel ready, have a few drinks beforehand and go through all the steps you have practised, but this time with a hot gun.

 

[SmollMushroom]

I'm so worried it'll hurt, the last thing I will taste is rusty pennies and blood and WD-40/gun oil taste

Clearly I can't talk from experience, but I'm pretty sure that if one does things right, there is no time to feel all of that and everything blackens out immediately.

 

[Orbitc]

It's normal to be afraid - I'm afraid too. My ctb date is coming soon. Just set a date and don't think about anything - imagine that there is no fear and you will just mechanically do it.

 

[LetMeBeSad]

That's a really great question. I spent a year trying with a shotgun. I would get to the point where I'm screaming obscenities down the barrel while I smash the butt on the floor. No idea why I'm ok with an accidental discharge but, can't just, pull the trigger. It's maddening. I'll be watching this thread for some better ideas for sure.

 

[Dandy88]

Is it really so hard? I life in a country in which guns are highly restricted. But I thinking often about, how easy it would if I had a gun.

I tried partial but waked up again. I remember all my thoughts, all the fear and the feeling. I wished I only have to use a trigger.

On the other side, maybe u are not ready for this. I hope the most people here will get a happy life again. Maybe you to?

 

[Duality]

Do you have experience with how benzos will affect you? I would recommend taking them, or drinking, but only if you know you won't be too inebriated to aim the gun properly (in the mouth, aim towards the brainstem).

I am sorry that this is happening. SI is definitely not easy to get over, not even with the quickest and most painless method.

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

if you cannot pull it then that means your time has not come yet.

 

[Foreverix]

Fear is normal. It doesn't mean "your time hasn't come" or "you're just not ready". All that implies is that you are not in control of your fate, or that you need to suffer more by staying alive longer. I don't agree with either of those sentiments, but it is generally good to think things through with consideration when, or if, you can.

The action is simple: "just relax and pull the trigger." But simple does not mean easy. It's usually the simple things in life that are the hardest to do. Don't be hard on yourself about this, it's hard enough already. This is why a lot of people take a substance to help deal with the apprehension.

It's your choice, and unfortunately, we all must die alone. No one can pull it for you, or walk with you into death, as you're well aware. Depending on the caliber of ammunition though, as long as the projectile is a decent size, the likelihood you'll taste anything is very low. Bullets travel faster than sound. You can only speculate, and your speculations are probably more frightening than the reality.

 

[Ducksauce6]

I certainly hate how it isn't more straightforward to leave this existence, it must be dreadful being stuck in that situation.

Man it really could be! Im just such a pussy I put a pistol in my mouth and head everyday but I just can't do it.... Posted in another thread went out and bought a huge rifle and am just watching a few TV shows and classic movies for this last week or two. This is gunna devastate

Maybe try getting into the habit of going through all the motions of ctb with the firearm unloaded, working up to the point where you're more relaxed at dry firing. Once you've overcome all the inherent strangeness and panic involved in the routine you'll have built up some muscle memory, the steps involved won't seem so weird and you may even derive some comfort from how familiar it has become.
Then, some time when you feel ready, have a few drinks beforehand and go through all the steps you have practised, but this time with a hot gun.

Very good idea I have dry fires alot with a handgun to temple but holding the rifle is so heavy and awkward and scary .... 308. Win mag is basically a really hot high velocity AK-47 round.....surely to God that will do the job right?


You think I should fire strait thru my forehead? I don't know know why but that seems.....easier when I've practiced beforehand... But I figured that's less likely to hit the vital parts..... I know everyone talks about the brain stem but it's the amigdoyula (sp) that controls heart and breathing rate etc .... Surely to God if you hit that even if one were to miss the brain stem it would destroy that part .....and I'm sure the blood loss would be immense.... Id really like to avoid tasting my own blood as the last thing ever....

Someone suggested a shot to the heart but I know I would botch that , I'll have plenty of time to bleed out and is it true if you just schiße im der münd it explodes your skull and you lose consciousness anyway??




Sorry for the word salad.... I just want it to be over IMMEDIATELY ykwim

. Alot of you guys talk about partial hangings and stuff on here... And taking small abouts of that food preserve SN? And fairly weak drugs.to overdose with ....




I can score fetty but it will not kill me because of my.methqdone addiction or I would.just do that and eat a bottle of valium. My tolerance is just godlike and I have liver problems

That's a really great question. I spent a year trying with a shotgun. I would get to the point where I'm screaming obscenities down the barrel while I smash the butt on the floor. No idea why I'm ok with an accidental discharge but, can't just, pull the trigger. It's maddening. I'll be watching this thread for some better ideas for sure.

I'm sorry man .... It's exact same thing for me , my adrenaline is just.....30x a.normal.persons because of all the seditives and benzos and lyrics and opiates I've.been on my whole life.... My fight or flight is just too strong .... Even though I know it's what has to be done

 

[SVEN]

I'm pretty sure that a .308 in the mouth pointing up and to the rear will very nearly take the back of your cranium off. I've used a .303 Lee Enfield in the military and head shot survivals aren't common.
The forehead is, I believe, the thickest bone area in the head, so I'd be apprehensive that the combination of the difficulty and instability of holding the weapon to that area together with the thickness of the bone could lead to the deflection of the bullet, resulting in a debilitating head injury rather than death.
My personal choice, if I had a firearm, would be the muzzle in the mouth pointing up and rearward.

 

[Ducksauce6]

Is it really so hard? I life in a country in which guns are highly restricted. But I thinking often about, how easy it would if I had a gun.

I tried partial but waked up again. I remember all my thoughts, all the fear and the feeling. I wished I only have to use a trigger.

On the other side, maybe u are not ready for this. I hope the most people here will get a happy life again. Maybe you to?

It's different when total oblivion, and the taste of salty gun metal is in your mouth friend.... You think about everything , who's gunna find me....God I hope this is right"..... Gee my fucking head I hope dosnt COMPLETELY explode like a watermelon and traumatize some poor bastard .... Etc. .... Family, etc. You thing about a lot when you taste that gun metal



So ....not being rude but what would you know about it? If you've never even fucking held a gun etc. ? All you British people and Australian people rude as hell and Europe .... I would just kill myself by train .... But yah I don't think you understand friend .... It's brutal AF actually killing yourself with a firearm ....for all involved.and.a HUGE choice ..... It's grizzly and horrible tbh

I'm pretty sure that a .308 in the mouth pointing up and to the rear will very nearly take the back of your cranium off. I've used a .303 Lee Enfield in the military and head shot survivals aren't common.
The forehead is, I believe, the thickest bone area in the head, so I'd be apprehensive that the combination of the difficulty and instability of holding the weapon to that area together with the thickness of the bone could lead to the deflection of the bullet, resulting in a debilitating head injury rather than death.
My personal choice, if I had a firearm, would be the muzzle in the mouth pointing up and rearward.

That's basically what I'm going to do exactly.... It's scary though when you taste that gun metal, and got a giant ass obliviation pipe in your mouth. .... And is 303. Lee bigger than 308. Win magnum? I know the Lee shoots a monster cartridge....someone told me.its basically just a really high hot, velocity AK-47 round but just a tid bit bigger

 

[SVEN]

It's different when total oblivion, and the taste of salty gun metal is in your mouth friend.... You think about everything , who's gunna find me....God I hope this is right"..... Gee my fucking head I hope dosnt COMPLETELY explode like a watermelon and traumatize some poor bastard .... Etc. .... Family, etc. You thing about a lot when you taste that gun metal



So ....not being rude but what would you know about it? If you've never even fucking held a gun etc. ? All you British people and Australian people rude as hell and Europe .... I would just kill myself by train .... But yah I don't think you understand friend .... It's brutal AF actually killing yourself with a firearm ....for all involved.and.a HUGE choice ..... It's grizzly and horrible tbh

That's basically what I'm going to do exactly.... It's scary though when you taste that gun metal, and got a giant ass obliviation pipe in your mouth. .... And is 303. Lee bigger than 308. Win magnum? I know the Lee shoots a monster cartridge....someone told me.its basically just a really high hot, velocity AK-47 round but just a tid bit bigger

Being in the UK I'm not really up on firearms DS, sorry. The Lee Enfield was a bolt action infantry rifle, which was all I used along with a Bren gun back in the 1960s.
I can really get how scarey it must be when you put a hot gun into your mouth and the reality of the moment hits home. I can only wish you the very best, no matter what your final decision is on this occasion. Chug a couple of shots and see if you can get to that, "What the F does anything matter anyway" feeling. Just be kind to yourself whatever happens.

 

[Dandy88]

It's different when total oblivion, and the taste of salty gun metal is in your mouth friend.... You think about everything , who's gunna find me....God I hope this is right"..... Gee my fucking head I hope dosnt COMPLETELY explode like a watermelon and traumatize some poor bastard .... Etc. .... Family, etc. You thing about a lot when you taste that gun metal



So ....not being rude but what would you know about it? If you've never even fucking held a gun etc. ? All you British people and Australian people rude as hell and Europe .... I would just kill myself by train .... But yah I don't think you understand friend .... It's brutal AF actually killing yourself with a firearm ....for all involved.and.a HUGE choice ..... It's grizzly and horrible tbh

That's basically what I'm going to do exactly.... It's scary though when you taste that gun metal, and got a giant ass obliviation pipe in your mouth. .... And is 303. Lee bigger than 308. Win magnum? I know the Lee shoots a monster cartridge....someone told me.its basically just a really high hot, velocity AK-47 round but just a tid bit bigger

First of all, I know how a gun works. I was in the military and in combat. Second, I'm not from the UK nor from Australien.

But yes, I will never put a gun into my mouth. It's not because the gun laws in my country. It's because it is a method I will never use for my cbt. I can't risk, that some civilian see this and get some mental health issues because of me.

Even with alcohol. It's extremely hard for me with a rope on the neck. The thought.. the feeling.. the slowly dieing. It's a very slowly and painful (mentally) prozess. But on the other hand, it's better to plan and completely silence.

So yes, I ask if it hard to pull the trigger and I get no answer why it's not. Maybe some one else can tell me about this.

 

[untraveler]

Perhaps it would be easier with a gun with very light and short-reach trigger? Like in those competition pistols. I imagine it would give you less time to think, if you already had your finger on the trigger and try to squize it.

I can only imagine it wouldn't make it easy. Maybe just a bit easier. If that's what you want/need. :/

 

[sash]

Until you are truly at peace w yr decision the atom of hope in yr SI will kick in.
Assume you have tried pulling the trigger w an empty gun? Make it a repetative habit so its less 'in the moment' anxiety when its loaded?
Bit like those who hang/suffocate in some way practice often, they get comfortable w it.

 

[Ducksauce6]

First of all, I know how a gun works. I was in the military and in combat. Second, I'm not from the UK nor from Australien.

But yes, I will never put a gun into my mouth. It's not because the gun laws in my country. It's because it is a method I will never use for my cbt. I can't risk, that some civilian see this and get some mental health issues because of me.

Even with alcohol. It's extremely hard for me with a rope on the neck. The thought.. the feeling.. the slowly dieing. It's a very slowly and painful (mentally) prozess. But on the other hand, it's better to plan and completely silence.

So yes, I ask if it hard to pull the trigger and I get no answer why it's not. Maybe some one else can tell me about this.

I literally explained the whole mental barrier , of you don't get it you don't get it I suppose

 

[Nanidash]

So yes, I ask if it hard to pull the trigger and I get no answer why it's not. Maybe some one else can tell me about this.

It is not hard to pull the trigger at all. The problem is with overcoming darn SI.

 

[lifeisbutadream]

All you have to do is move one finger one inch but it's so hard to do.

 

[Ducksauce6]

All you have to do is move one finger one inch but it's so hard to do.

Don't need to be mocked man , I'm referring to SI , sorry I don't know all the lingo of a ctb forum , I'm ogrigously apologize

 

[FilthyFlint]

It must be a truly satisfying thing to hear that bang, when you really deeply within you understand what that means and how miserable of an existence you are about to gladly leave behind. You will be met with the utmost peace between the bang and the struggle and eternal peace once the the agony leaves, may the void welcome you with its libertious hug brother.

 

[ifeelsobad]

Maybe try getting into the habit of going through all the motions of ctb with the firearm unloaded, working up to the point where you're more relaxed at dry firing. Once you've overcome all the inherent strangeness and panic involved in the routine you'll have built up some muscle memory, the steps involved won't seem so weird and you may even derive some comfort from how familiar it has become.
Then, some time when you feel ready, have a few drinks beforehand and go through all the steps you have practised, but this time with a hot gun.

Is there a way to practice jumping in front of a train like this?

 

[iamsofkntired]

I just can't do it you all .... How come I can't pull the trigger.... Going to CTB by firearm , how the fuck can I just relax and squeeze.... I have everything I need.... Should I eat my entire diazepam Rx? I was gunna leave them for a greiving momma?? But I cannot get over the instinct to survive I'm so worried it'll hurt, the last thing I will taste is rusty pennies and blood and WD-40/gun oil taste ......depressing as fuck

A simple thing that helped to me in my last attempt was music , get a song that has a beat drop and just do it on the beat drop close your eyes and only focus on the music , it will give you a starting point and you'll have a timed way

 

[SVEN]

Is there a way to practice jumping in front of a train like this?

I'm tempted to say, "Only the once", however whilst I wouldn't be choosing this method for myself in view of the fairly high likelihood of resultant maiming or disablement, if SI kicks in or a piece of locomotive bodywork or furniture knocked me aside, I'd guess a similar exposure to the means could assist. Getting used to the proximity of an oncoming loco, the noise, speed, vibration of it, the "sucking in" vacuum effect of the carriages as they thunder past, all these factors can be acclimatised to I guess.
Just because I'm me, I also have to admit I'd not go for this method just for the shock, guilt and PTSD I'd potentially inflict on the innocent train crew and those who would need to wander down the track picking up lumps of human tissue and limbs.

 

[Resinn66]

I myself need a trigger moment (ex terminal illness or any panic situation in general)

 

[lifeisbutadream]

Don't need to be mocked man , I'm referring to SI , sorry I don't know all the lingo of a ctb forum , I'm ogrigously apologize

You misread me. I was in no way mocking you.

 

[Ducksauce6]

You misread me. I was in no way mocking you.

Apologies it's hard to tell

 

[Ducksauce6]

It must be a truly satisfying thing to hear that bang, when you really deeply within you understand what that means and how miserable of an existence you are about to gladly leave behind. You will be met with the utmost peace between the bang and the struggle and eternal peace once the the agony leaves, may the void welcome you with its libertious hug brother.

I bet it is ... For that millisecond... But I know when you die a natural death you get visions of your childhood etc. I've gotten that a few times... I have died before.... From fentanyl.... It's blackish pink there and no happiness no nothing and no dreamlike thoughts....truly depressing and that's all. I think of is my childhood .... I keep a picture of a young me I apologize too several times a day , I hope I can find the happiness I'm looking for...m I hope heaven exists .... But the more I think about it it would be exhausting to live forever... I hope heaven is real because I just can't cope with what comes next, I've accepted I'm dying and have to die ... Id do anything to just take a strong Xanax and go to bed and never wake up.... I have a partner that loves me.... I have ferrets.... Everyone is dying... I am suffering I will die it's my destiny to kill myself , it's what I have to do ..... It's taken about 7 years to accept and 2 years of full out 110 percent sure .. I'm going too.... Every time I go to attempt.... I go and try.... And go to the mirror and say goodbye to myself ... And try with the rifle I take it out of my.mouth.....and just say ....and think.... I have this .... It's here ....I can do this anytime I want to. ...at any moment.... Knowing I can.... Makes it easier..i take it day by day.... I'm thinking about maybe living to play grand theft auto six. But I don't think it's worth it. The overall suffering isn't worth it anymore.,.