Help How do I get my friend to be okay with my passing

[preachyflockk]

I need her to be alright once I'm gone. She doesn't deserve to suffer but staying isn't an option anymore. What am I supposed to say that'll make her okay

 

[Jadeith]

How do I get my friend to be okay with my passing

Short answer - you can't.

Longer one - i've researched this topic for my own purposes for quite a while now and haven't found one single method that would have reliable chance to lessen somebody's pain caused by dear one's death. Suicide notes, pre-ctb talks, explanations, reasoning - it's all useless.
Basically they work only when:
-person in question do not give shit about you or your well being or even quietly wish you ill because even seemingly indifferent people seem to be impacted by death, especially by suicide
-person is one in a million that understands and approves ctb as a viable option in your situation. Honestly, i haven't seen that irl, maybe with the exception of suicide couples that decided to end it together. Even family members that accepted "assisted suicide" for terminally ill still suffer afterwards. Loss is a loss and it causes suffering.

You could talk to her and IMHO even should, giving her chance to get the answers she won't be able to get once you are dead but don't expect that it will lessen her suffering. It's just right thing to do, not a painkiller.

 

[e!kent]

I think it's impossible not to make her suffer. The trauma of losing someone you care about completely devastates you, regardless of your understanding of the reasons for the suicide.
What you can do is try to reduce possible side effects, such as feelings of guilt. You could write a letter for this purpose.
There are many guides on how to write it.
The effectiveness of letters is much debated, but it's always better to try than to do nothing, right?

 

[Qilio3]

I have a very close friend (not in a romantic relationship). And she knows about my suicidal thoughts. She's so dear to me that, for her sake, I gave myself time to think things through more carefully. However, I told her not to hope for a positive outcome and to prepare for the worst. Perhaps this will ease her suffering when I ultimately commit suicide.

 

[BullsDon'tFly]

I agree with everyone saying that basically you can't. You can lessen the mystery around it explaining why you did it, how you felt, etc, but there's no way to ensure people will feel "better" about it.
In my experience, I wouldn't suggest to talk about CTB while alive to people you love because it is very likely they'll become worried and anxious about you and, if you eventually decide to CTB and succeed, they could feel very guilty about not being able to "save" you. If they love you, they don't want you to leave them. That's why I like a written/recorded note more, I think it puts less pressure on loved ones.
In the end, CTB is something painful for everyone affected, so there's no way to stop the grief. But I get why are you worried about it, when someone is so familiar with pain, they wouldn't want to cause more... That's why we're here.

I hope you the best.

 

[A_Lost_Feeling]

I'm wondering about this myself at the moment, I have made sure that everyone around me has no idea whats about to happen (soon) because in my mind i feel like they would feel guilt that they could have done something to change the outcome if that makes sense?

 

[preachyflockk]

It's such a fucked up world, she doesn't deserve to suffer and I don't deserve to die, but the people who made me do this are still gonna grieve me without ever blaming themselves

 

[Jadeith]

In my experience, I wouldn't suggest to talk about CTB while alive to people you love because it is very likely they'll become worried and anxious about you and, if you eventually decide to CTB and succeed, they could feel very guilty about not being able to "save" you.

And if you don't they will feel guilty not only about not being able to "save" you but also that they didn't even notice that you are in need of saving, tormented so deeply that you could actually kill yourself. Either way, they are fucked... And letters/notes won't do much. Can't reason or discuss anything with a piece of paper. Or a dead body.

 

[preachyflockk]

Either way, they are fucked...

This. I wish there was anything I could do that won't leave them as hurt

 

[lawlietsph]

You really can't. I have a dear friend who I know from here. There is nothing he can say to make me feel better about his suicide. Of course i will understand, we've had many conversations about this, but if it ever happens and i'm still alive, the pain will be unbearable no matter what. I'm sorry about this situation