How do I get my crush to start talking to me again?

[sserafim]

How do I get my crush to start talking to me again? He stopped talking to me over a year ago...

 

[-Link-]

Is this the guy who got a girlfriend at some point?

If he is totally ignoring your attempts at contacting him, then this will be a case of "the more you try, the further away you'll push him."

Total non-contact, no exceptions.

Start moving on from him. Really. And then if/when he does contact you again, you'll have a clearer head when you're deciding whether or not he deserves a second chance to be in your life.

 

[sserafim]

Is this the guy who got a girlfriend at some point?
If he is totally ignoring your attempts at contacting him, then this will be a case of "the more you try, the further away you'll push him."

Yeah it's him. Last year I replied to his story but he left me on seen, that was the last time I contacted him. I don't know why he would just stop talking to me though...

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I can't say I am the best to take advice from in this area but I feel like if he has a girlfriend already that might be the sole reason why he doesn't want to risk losing it by talking to other girls. I doubt you would want to be with someone who'd do that to their partner anyway but I don't know.

If you really want, you could resort to less savory means of subterfuge to get him to talk to you again though I don't recommend it. If you happen to know where he's going to be you can try to bump into him and see if he recognizes and acknowledges you. If he doesn't or if that all seems like too much effort then you should consider moving on as has been said before. Other stalkery stuff like monitoring how his relationship is progressing on social media so that you could find the right time to re-enter his life could be a thing too but again, maybe not the best idea in the long run.

I recently saw this video about crushes which put a huge damper on my own crush that I'm suffering through right now because it made me realize that I am making my crush suffer more simply just by having a crush on her and expressing an interest in pursuing them. This guy also talks about limerence, which is when a crush turns into an obsession. It's probably not a good idea to let it get this far. If I recall correctly you've said in other threads that you actually don't see the need for intimacy or relationships at all which is perfectly fine for you to feel but it may not be how he feels so it's worth considering if you even want to pursue things further in the event he ever actually does reciprocate.

Like the video says, what needs do you believe he would meet for you that are going unmet? And do you really think he could actually provide those for you? Sorry if my questions seem a little too pushy. I don't mean to shame you for having a crush on someone because I am feeling the same emotions for someone else right now so I understand. In my case though, I've already let it enter a darkly obsessive territory and I think anyone should be encouraged to stop themselves before it gets this far. I hope anything I've said here can help you with this crush more than it helped me.

 

[-Link-]

Yeah it's him. Last year I replied to his story but he left me on seen, that was the last time I contacted him. I don't know why he would just stop talking to me though...

How many messages of yours has he ignored since the last time he spoke to you?

 

[Final_Choice]

I don't know about this so feel free to ignore, but maybe sending a message clearly stating you just want closure and want to know why he suddenly stopped talking to you might at least make him tell you why he did it.

 

[sserafim]

How many messages of yours has he ignored since the last time he spoke to you?

Like a few

I don't know about this so feel free to ignore, but maybe sending a message clearly stating you just want closure and want to know why he suddenly stopped talking to you might at least make him tell you why he did it.

I don't want to annoy him though, and I think it was like a slow burn friendship, it gradually faded away over time. Maybe there's no reason why he stopped talking to me and it was just because he didn't want to anymore…

 

[-Link-]

Like a few

If it's any more than two or three times, then I'd definitely go total no-contact.

Are you still watching his stories? If you are, and if he knows you're viewing them, that would basically count as contact because it's a signal to him that you're still interested in him and available at any time. The message you want to convey is that you've moved on, and the only way to do this is to completely extricate yourself from his life.

In doing this, it's also for your own sake because you want to allow for the possibility that a reconciliation may never occur, in which case the time to start the process of moving on, is now.

You may never learn the truth about why he cut contact like this, but in the end, his reasons are his own. Whatever those reasons are, they are a reflection on him, not you.

 

[sserafim]

I can't say I am the best to take advice from in this area but I feel like if he has a girlfriend already that might be the sole reason why he doesn't want to risk losing it by talking to other girls. I doubt you would want to be with someone who'd do that to their partner anyway but I don't know.

If you really want, you could resort to less savory means of subterfuge to get him to talk to you again though I don't recommend it. If you happen to know where he's going to be you can try to bump into him and see if he recognizes and acknowledges you. If he doesn't or if that all seems like too much effort then you should consider moving on as has been said before. Other stalkery stuff like monitoring how his relationship is progressing on social media so that you could find the right time to re-enter his life could be a thing too but again, maybe not the best idea in the long run.

I recently saw this video about crushes which put a huge damper on my own crush that I'm suffering through right now because it made me realize that I am making my crush suffer more simply just by having a crush on her and expressing an interest in pursuing them. This guy also talks about limerence, which is when a crush turns into an obsession. It's probably not a good idea to let it get this far. If I recall correctly you've said in other threads that you actually don't see the need for intimacy or relationships at all which is perfectly fine for you to feel but it may not be how he feels so it's worth considering if you even want to pursue things further in the event he ever actually does reciprocate.

Like the video says, what needs do you believe he would meet for you that are going unmet? And do you really think he could actually provide those for you? Sorry if my questions seem a little too pushy. I don't mean to shame you for having a crush on someone because I am feeling the same emotions for someone else right now so I understand. In my case though, I've already let it enter a darkly obsessive territory and I think anyone should be encouraged to stop themselves before it gets this far. I hope anything I've said here can help you with this crush more than it helped me.

Unfortunately he's halfway across the world rn lol. I guess I just liked talking to him, he was cool and interesting to talk to

If it's any more than two or three times, then I'd definitely go total no-contact.

Are you still watching his stories? If you are, and if he knows you're viewing them, that would basically count as contact because it's a signal to him that you're still interested in him and available at any time. The message you want to convey is that you've moved on, and the only way to do this is to completely extricate yourself from his life.

In doing this, it's also for your own sake because you want to allow for the possibility that a reconciliation may never occur, in which case the time to start the process of moving on, is now.

You may never learn the truth about why he cut contact like this, but in the end, his reasons are his own. Whatever those reasons are, they are a reflection on him, not you.

I deleted Instagram for a long time and only recently redownloaded it and I didn't watch his most recent story…I was curious about it though, I wanted to watch it but didn't

 

[Sleeper System]

 

[sserafim]

If it's any more than two or three times, then I'd definitely go total no-contact.

Are you still watching his stories? If you are, and if he knows you're viewing them, that would basically count as contact because it's a signal to him that you're still interested in him and available at any time. The message you want to convey is that you've moved on, and the only way to do this is to completely extricate yourself from his life.

In doing this, it's also for your own sake because you want to allow for the possibility that a reconciliation may never occur, in which case the time to start the process of moving on, is now.

You may never learn the truth about why he cut contact like this, but in the end, his reasons are his own. Whatever those reasons are, they are a reflection on him, not you.

He just added to his story, should I watch it or not?

 

[DarkRange55]

From what I've gathered from this thread, I would definitely just move on. that's my honest advice, as a guy who has been in multiple relationships.

 

[Enigma the orange]

He just added to his story, should I watch it or not?

You should move on, you will find somebody new

 

[-Link-]

He just added to his story, should I watch it or not?

So there are multiple considerations here:

1. You want him to start talking to you again.
2. You want to look after your mental health.
3. Despite his ignoring you, you might just still be really interested in his life.

For #1, I would definitely stay totally disengaged from his social media accounts. I would not watch this story or any future posts. I'd also strongly consider unfollowing/unfriending him. This is because people have a way of wanting what they can't have, and if he notices you cutting contact and moving on, it could trigger something within him in the future where he could develop an itch to reconnect with you. (This is not something to count on, however.)

For #2, I would ignore any of his postings and also unfollow/unfriend him. Total severance of any contact, and eliminating any reminders of him whatsoever.

For #3, well, based on what all you've said about the situation, I don't think it's advisable to stay engaged. He's ignored multiple messages from you at this point. Based on that alone, he doesn't deserve your interest. And further contact will likely be unhelpful. Plus he has a girlfriend, and entering a triangle type situation would be very messy.

I personally think you should sever all contact and reminders and move on from this guy.

 

[R_N]

He is not making any effort to talk to you and judging by how it ended I can't say he is doing it out of some misunderstanding.

Unlike some, I wouldn't say having a gf would make him distance himself if he cared enough.

But you do care tho, which is unfortunate because it is not reciprocated.

If I could take my past experiences where I did care and give you advice, I would say the only way to get over it is time and like others said no contact. But this includes not looking at his social media either. He lives far away so you won't see him around which is helpful.

But, you are still hopeful and maybe you need more time to process it. It might hurt you more but it is easy for us to say no contact when we are not you.

Whatever happens I wish you don't suffer much.

 

[sserafim]

He is not making any effort to talk to you and judging by how it ended I can't say he is doing it out of some misunderstanding.

Wdym?

 

[R_N]

Wdym?

I mean it seems like he doesn't want you around and it is not because of something in particular that happened.

 

[sserafim]

I mean it seems like he doesn't want you around and it is not because of something in particular that happened.

Wait why though?

 

[R_N]

Wait why though?

Your questions make me think you didn't tell us everything then. From what I have read, I only saw him cutting contact with you and you yourself don't know the reason why.

I don't see anything happening if you yourself don't have a clue.

 

[sserafim]

Your questions make me think you didn't tell us everything then. From what I have read, I only saw him cutting contact with you and you yourself don't know the reason why.

I don't see anything happening if you yourself don't have a clue.

Could I tell you more about it in DM? I don't want any lurkers on the website to see…

 

[R_N]

Could I tell you more about it in DM? I don't want any lurkers on the website to see…

If you think I can help you in any way, you are free to do so. Still, year with no contact is not a good sign if you ask me.

 

[sserafim]

If you think I can help you in any way, you are free to do so. Still, year with no contact is not a good sign if you ask me.

Okay thanks. I DM'ed you about it

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Okay thanks. I DM'ed you about it

Sorry I skimmed this thread so I don't know the details, with that out of the way. If someone crushed on me and felt like they wanted to talk to me again after an absence, the best thing to do would be just message me and start talking again, and be persistent.

That said, I can only talk about myself, and if I was in a relationship, then I wouldn't be interested in talking to someone if I knew they viewed me as a crush, and I probably won't be able to give anyone a decent amount of attention, since I would be spending my time on myself and my partner. I'm sorry if that's harsh, it's just how I feel. If you know he is still in a relationship then maybe it's best not only for him but also yourself emotionally that you think about someone else. A year of absence is a long time to crush on someone that might not be romantically available.

I wish you the best, and I'm sorry.

 

[sserafim]

Sorry I skimmed this thread so I don't know the details, with that out of the way. If someone crushed on me and felt like they wanted to talk to me again after an absence, the best thing to do would be just message me and start talking again, and be persistent.

That said, I can only talk about myself, and if I was in a relationship, then I wouldn't be interested in talking to someone if I knew they viewed me as a crush. I'm sorry if that's harsh, it's just how I feel. If you know he is still in a relationship then maybe it's best not only for him but also yourself emotionally that you think about someone else. A year of absence is a long time to crush on someone that might not be romantically available.

I wish you the best, and I'm sorry.

It's okay. Wait could I DM you about it too? I think that I just want to be his friend though, I don't know why he stopped talking to me we were literally acquaintances/friends

 

[Suicidebydeath]

You're welcome to DM me about it or anything else you want to talk about. I can only give you my perspectives on it, or listen if that's helpful. I'm sorry, I can understand where you're coming from, the lack of closure must be extremely difficult for you. It might not be anything to do with you why you stopped talking, maybe things happened or they just got real busy in their life, or some other distraction.

If it was me, one of the reasons to stop talking to people as much could be if something serious happened to me, or if I got into a relationship. If you're sure that you just want to be his friend, then you could try talking to them again. Maybe you'll be able to continue being friends again.

 

[dragonofenvy]

As Dr Iron Arc said near the top, knowing why you want to contact this person would be a good first step. Unless you've already figured that out and I never saw it posted anywhere.

I don't think commenting on social media or watching stories is a way to contact someone. I don't use social media myself, but I know that someone commenting on my posts that I used to know isn't going to be enough for me to dm them. To get someone to talk to you again you actually have to directly reach out to them and make your intentions known. Tell them that you haven't talked in a while, and the times that you did talk with them were enjoyable but our relationship faded, but that you'd like to start it up again.

You might have to also accept that they simply have moved on. I've tried to revive old friendships and sometimes reaching out rekindles them, even if briefly, other times I am ghosted completely. Being rejected sucks, but I do think that it's a lot better than desperately trying... small means (I can't put it into words, but things like what you were doing like watching their story, you're not really directly interacting with them).

TLDR: The blunt approach: Say you want to rekindle the friendship/relationship/whatever it was. The small, innocuous approaches don't work. Being honest, and direct, to me, is a good path, but the result might not be what you're looking for and you'll need to accept it even if it's something you don't like. I've faced rejection from old friends before, and it sucks, but you do move on even if you think you can't.

 

[R_N]

It's okay. Wait could I DM you about it too? I think that I just want to be his friend though, I don't know why he stopped talking to me we were literally acquaintances/friends

It is good to get different perspectives on this, hopefuly @Suicidebydeath has a more positive outlook than me.

Still year of nc and him blocking you, if nothing else shows no respect and care to me. I would at least be careful around such people.