Venting How do I detach from people?

[Bunny Beanie]

Sorry that all my posts are annoying. This is my personal diary and I have no one irl to share this with that won't just say "stop talking to bad people in your life". Trust me if I could I would.

Why do I care so much for people that don't care about me?? It's becoming so exhausting because I just want my friends to want me so badly. I want them to love me. I want them to treat me the way I treat them but they do not like me. And I'm so aware of this and yet I still want their love. Why am I like this?

My friends think I'm fucking stupid but I see right through them. They yoyo me and they are doing it on purpose. They need me to be their therapist. I'm one of those friends who will drop everything to be there for them. They know they would be stupid to drop me so…they don't. Instead 2% of the time they will make me feel euphoric. They will make me feel so loved. It's like a drug. And then all of a sudden they make me feel like garbage 98% of the time. And it's usually right after they are done venting to me about their own shit. They use me up and then they throw me away until the next day when they're lonely again and then try to make me feel great just so I can be their therapist. I'm stuck in this loop with most of my friends.

My friends always dodge the question of hanging out. They won't ever ask me to hang out. As a friend, I obviously want to see them so I just ask. And they always avoid it. Or we plan something and I'm ditched the day we are supposed to hang out. What hurts the most is they have no problem seeing other people but when it comes to me… I'm put in the back burner. I wish they would want to hang out with me. But they don't like me. They only like that I'm their free therapist.

I have this one friend that is phenomenal at making me believe he actually cares for me. He must really think I'm fucking stupid. And I am because even me knowing he's using me, I still love and care for him a lot. Me and him hung out just the two of us once and after that his energy with me was not the same. I just keep asking myself what the fuck did I do wrong during that time? He invited me to his party which was miserable for me ngl. But other than that he never wants to hang out with just me and I don't understand why. Especially since he's really good at making me believe I'm his best friend because he talks to me every single day and I know a lot about him. I care for him so much and it absolutely hurts me that I know he doesn't with me. Maybe he thinks I have a crush on him?? Idk what it is but for once I thought I found a friend who was almost identical to me and I'm crushed to figure out he's only toying with me because I'm his void filler. I'm his security blanket for when he gets lonely. For when the other person he wants to talk to is ignoring him, he comes running to me. And I know that's true. I just wish it wasn't.

Why the hell do I care so much for people who are using me?! When I ctb on my birthday they won't even care. They will pretend to for a week to gain sympathy from the people they want attention from and then resort back to their lives. They don't and never will care for me. So why do I still love and care for them. How the hell do I detach from them?!? I'm so doomed.

 

[emptyhome98]

Why do I care so much for people that don't care about me??

Because you have a big heart and are a genuinely good human being, I know the feel. I hope that things get better for you for real, you deserve it, you sound like a genuinely great and sweet person, I'm rooting for you! If you need to vent to anyone or just wanna chat I'm always happy to listen or chit chat, my dms are open, wishing you the best

 

[Bunny Beanie]

Because you have a big heart and are a genuinely good human being, I know the feel. I hope that things get better for you for real, you deserve it, you sound like a genuinely great and sweet person, I'm rooting for you! If you need to vent to anyone or just wanna chat I'm always happy to listen or chit chat, my dms are open, wishing you the best

You know my life has been bad when this message is the sweetest most genuine thing that has ever been said to me. And it was said by a complete stranger. Thank you for this! Made me tear up.

 

[emptyhome98]

You know my life has been bad when this message is the sweetest most genuine thing that has ever been said to me. And it was said by a complete stranger. Thank you for this! Made me tear up.

:( I'm so sorry, I wish more people were kind and genuine. We're all in this thing together the least anyone can do is be a nice human being, be kind to each other, love each other, help each other, even if it is something as small as just saying something nice to someone. Life's tough we gotta have each others backs! I'm glad and hope I made you feel a bit better even if only a little bit, not everyone on earth is awful I promise! You're v v welcome! I genuinely just like helping and being kind to people it's the least I can do and everyone deserves it! Never let anyone or anything destroy your heart if gold, I promise it'll be worth it in the end

 

[Bunny Beanie]

:( I'm so sorry, I wish more people were kind and genuine. We're all in this thing together the least anyone can do is be a nice human being, be kind to each other, love each other, help each other, even if it is something as small as just saying something nice to someone. Life's tough we gotta have each others backs! I'm glad and hope I made you feel a bit better even if only a little bit, not everyone on earth is awful I promise! You're v v welcome! I genuinely just like helping and being kind to people it's the least I can do and everyone deserves it! Never let anyone or anything destroy your heart if gold, I promise it'll be worth it in the end

Thank you so much. I'm routing for you too and I don't even know you !!! You did make me feel a bit better. It's nice to know that someone out there cares and you don't even know me. Thank you :,) <3

 

[whateverr]

Sorry that all my posts are annoying. This is my personal diary and I have no one irl to share this with that won't just say "stop talking to bad people in your life". Trust me if I could I would.

Why do I care so much for people that don't care about me?? It's becoming so exhausting because I just want my friends to want me so badly. I want them to love me. I want them to treat me the way I treat them but they do not like me. And I'm so aware of this and yet I still want their love. Why am I like this?

My friends think I'm fucking stupid but I see right through them. They yoyo me and they are doing it on purpose. They need me to be their therapist. I'm one of those friends who will drop everything to be there for them. They know they would be stupid to drop me so…they don't. Instead 2% of the time they will make me feel euphoric. They will make me feel so loved. It's like a drug. And then all of a sudden they make me feel like garbage 98% of the time. And it's usually right after they are done venting to me about their own shit. They use me up and then they throw me away until the next day when they're lonely again and then try to make me feel great just so I can be their therapist. I'm stuck in this loop with most of my friends.

My friends always dodge the question of hanging out. They won't ever ask me to hang out. As a friend, I obviously want to see them so I just ask. And they always avoid it. Or we plan something and I'm ditched the day we are supposed to hang out. What hurts the most is they have no problem seeing other people but when it comes to me… I'm put in the back burner. I wish they would want to hang out with me. But they don't like me. They only like that I'm their free therapist.

I have this one friend that is phenomenal at making me believe he actually cares for me. He must really think I'm fucking stupid. And I am because even me knowing he's using me, I still love and care for him a lot. Me and him hung out just the two of us once and after that his energy with me was not the same. I just keep asking myself what the fuck did I do wrong during that time? He invited me to his party which was miserable for me ngl. But other than that he never wants to hang out with just me and I don't understand why. Especially since he's really good at making me believe I'm his best friend because he talks to me every single day and I know a lot about him. I care for him so much and it absolutely hurts me that I know he doesn't with me. Maybe he thinks I have a crush on him?? Idk what it is but for once I thought I found a friend who was almost identical to me and I'm crushed to figure out he's only toying with me because I'm his void filler. I'm his security blanket for when he gets lonely. For when the other person he wants to talk to is ignoring him, he comes running to me. And I know that's true. I just wish it wasn't.

Why the hell do I care so much for people who are using me?! When I ctb on my birthday they won't even care. They will pretend to for a week to gain sympathy from the people they want attention from and then resort back to their lives. They don't and never will care for me. So why do I still love and care for them. How the hell do I detach from them?!? I'm so doomed.

So, we're opposites. I find people extremely easy to detach from, but I wish I could figure out a way to at least enjoy being around 1 fucking person. That's it. Like, I drop people like flies, but I really wish I didn't. I want to care, but I just don't and I hate it.

The other thing I noticed about your post is that you're either really good at reading people, or you're assuming way too much. Just be sure of whichever one you're doing because thinking you're doing one while you're actually doing the other may be the real problem that is making you suicidal.

I don't know if opposites can help each other in this kind of situation, but your post intrigued me and it would be cool if we could help each other!

 

[Bunny Beanie]

So, we're opposites. I find people extremely easy to detach from, but I wish I could figure out a way to at least enjoy being around 1 fucking person. That's it. Like, I drop people like flies, but I really wish I didn't. I want to care, but I just don't and I hate it.

The other thing I noticed about your post is that you're either really good at reading people, or you're assuming way too much. Just be sure of whichever one you're doing because thinking you're doing one while you're actually doing the other may be the real problem that is making you suicidal.

I don't know if opposites can help each other in this kind of situation, but your post intrigued me and it would be cool if we could help each other!

Please show me your ways because I need to detach from people. I really want to be wrong about my friends but these aren't assumptions unfortunately. The evidence is right in front of me but I ignore it because I love people that don't care for me at all lol. This might be hard to help you with because I think this is a curse to love everyone unconditionally even when they do horrible stuff to you. I can't detach from ANYONE no matter what they've done to me!! It's the worst. I just find the beauty in people even when they are monsters. I think it's a part of me that wishes someone would do that for me? I'm not sure why I'm like this. I wish I could drop people like flies. That sounds phenomenal. Because even tho I have a lot of "friends" 99% of them make me feel lonely. So it's the argument of would you rather be lonely surrounded by people that make you feel alone or lonely surrounded by no one.

 

[emptyhome98]

Thank you so much. I'm routing for you too and I don't even know you !!! You did make me feel a bit better. It's nice to know that someone out there cares and you don't even know me. Thank you :,) <3

Literally anytime! It's the absolute least I can do! And thank you as well! I really appreciate it! If you ever need a shoulder to lean on, I got you!

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Sorry you are going through this.
I think the majority of relationships are one - sided because most people are mostly too self - absorbed to truly care about others.
However, you are not one of those people because you give more than you receive in terms of things like empathy.
It's all one - sided and you deserve to be treated better than this.
It can help you detach from people by gradually isolating yourself from them. Hugs.

 

[Bunny Beanie]

Sorry you are going through this.
I think the majority of relationships are one - sided because most people are mostly too self - absorbed to truly care about others.
However, you are not one of those people because you give more than you receive in terms of things like empathy.
It's all one - sided and you deserve to be treated better than this.
It can help you detach from people by gradually isolating yourself from them. Hugs.

Idk why I hyper fixate on such awful people. I'm gonna try to not talk to them as much but it's genuinely so difficult when they are like my drug. I'm waiting for them to make me feel euphoric again so life feels worth living… Just for them to drop me once they don't need me again. I hate that I'm like this.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Idk why I hyper fixate on such awful people. I'm gonna try to not talk to them as much but it's genuinely so difficult when they are like my drug. I'm waiting for them to make me feel euphoric again so life feels worth living… Just for them to drop me once they don't need me again. I hate that I'm like this.

Same.
I used to be like this too - but it eventually became too exhausting.
I finally admitted to myself that the relationships were an illusion and I was just using them as a coping strategy for life in general.
I'm completely alone now, yet far less stressed. It's lonely, yet I feel better for it.
I hope you can manage to find your way through this too.

 

[Abandoned Character]

We're social creatures, without others we are destined to collapse. Is it possible for you to find new people? Are there hobbies you enjoy, or hobbies you are interested in, that may expose you to a diverse population of like minded people? I find that I become more self-confident when I meet new people because they are seeing a brand new me. My long-time friends have me in a box that feels difficult to get out of, but new people liberate me from any preconcieved way of being.

I also want to echo others here that you are a kind and warm-hearted person, and you deserve to be loved and valued. If you're not feeling that way from your current social situation, I encourage you to seek it out. Also, I don't know your ages but boys are fucking weird and stupid, your struggle to feel fulilled in your friendships is their problem, not yours. Their loss!

 

[tiger b]

You love and care for people because it's your nature to do so. Yet you have clarity and can see the situation which robs you of any delusions of how equal the relationships are. I'm sure you don't make the mistake of thinking there are that many similar people out there to you in this respect - of course there are some, and this forum probably is well stocked with similar.

Your conflict is between your nature and your logical take on the situation. You are pulled in two different directions. But what to do about it?

Well, I think you should respect your caring way. Maybe not everyone around you 'deserves' it. But a born performer sings to an audience, are all of them always deserving of it? A simplification but, of course, the performer is expressing themselves.

I'm not saying you should concede always/sometimes/ever to your caring way, of course. If you do, you may well need to check your expectations of what you get in return around certain people. That's sadly the way things are. Yes you could try finding other people who are easier to be around, but that's sometimes easier said than done.

Nembutal puts forward a solution that works best for him. I'll always see merits to that. There's always negatives for whatever is chosen.

My solution was to find a career that allowed me to care. That's sometimes worked. As I say, always negatives...

If you are resolved to CTB then that could shape your direction you are going in anyway on your role.

If you want to talk about cutting ties with people - well, there are therapeutic techniques which can help the emotional side. Obvious social media strategies. And talking about it like an addiction is a good start imo. It just depends on your practical position.

Multiple edits - sorry.

 

[whateverr]

Please show me your ways because I need to detach from people. I really want to be wrong about my friends but these aren't assumptions unfortunately. The evidence is right in front of me but I ignore it because I love people that don't care for me at all lol. This might be hard to help you with because I think this is a curse to love everyone unconditionally even when they do horrible stuff to you. I can't detach from ANYONE no matter what they've done to me!! It's the worst. I just find the beauty in people even when they are monsters. I think it's a part of me that wishes someone would do that for me? I'm not sure why I'm like this. I wish I could drop people like flies. That sounds phenomenal. Because even tho I have a lot of "friends" 99% of them make me feel lonely. So it's the argument of would you rather be lonely surrounded by people that make you feel alone or lonely surrounded by no one.

Saviour complex, perhaps? Do you struggle with addiction? I think it would probably be less of a teaching thing and more of a rubbing off on each other thing? I'm not sure how to teach this other than people just don't make me feel any functional emotions so I always just detach. I was never treated in a healthy manner by anyone though so that could be it. Idk.

 

[Vesiira]

Sorry that all my posts are annoying. This is my personal diary and I have no one irl to share this with that won't just say "stop talking to bad people in your life". Trust me if I could I would.

Why do I care so much for people that don't care about me?? It's becoming so exhausting because I just want my friends to want me so badly. I want them to love me. I want them to treat me the way I treat them but they do not like me. And I'm so aware of this and yet I still want their love. Why am I like this?

My friends think I'm fucking stupid but I see right through them. They yoyo me and they are doing it on purpose. They need me to be their therapist. I'm one of those friends who will drop everything to be there for them. They know they would be stupid to drop me so…they don't. Instead 2% of the time they will make me feel euphoric. They will make me feel so loved. It's like a drug. And then all of a sudden they make me feel like garbage 98% of the time. And it's usually right after they are done venting to me about their own shit. They use me up and then they throw me away until the next day when they're lonely again and then try to make me feel great just so I can be their therapist. I'm stuck in this loop with most of my friends.

My friends always dodge the question of hanging out. They won't ever ask me to hang out. As a friend, I obviously want to see them so I just ask. And they always avoid it. Or we plan something and I'm ditched the day we are supposed to hang out. What hurts the most is they have no problem seeing other people but when it comes to me… I'm put in the back burner. I wish they would want to hang out with me. But they don't like me. They only like that I'm their free therapist.

I have this one friend that is phenomenal at making me believe he actually cares for me. He must really think I'm fucking stupid. And I am because even me knowing he's using me, I still love and care for him a lot. Me and him hung out just the two of us once and after that his energy with me was not the same. I just keep asking myself what the fuck did I do wrong during that time? He invited me to his party which was miserable for me ngl. But other than that he never wants to hang out with just me and I don't understand why. Especially since he's really good at making me believe I'm his best friend because he talks to me every single day and I know a lot about him. I care for him so much and it absolutely hurts me that I know he doesn't with me. Maybe he thinks I have a crush on him?? Idk what it is but for once I thought I found a friend who was almost identical to me and I'm crushed to figure out he's only toying with me because I'm his void filler. I'm his security blanket for when he gets lonely. For when the other person he wants to talk to is ignoring him, he comes running to me. And I know that's true. I just wish it wasn't.

Why the hell do I care so much for people who are using me?! When I ctb on my birthday they won't even care. They will pretend to for a week to gain sympathy from the people they want attention from and then resort back to their lives. They don't and never will care for me. So why do I still love and care for them. How the hell do I detach from them?!? I'm so doomed.

i'm so sorry your friends are making you feel like that. i feel the same about mine. it always feels like they care and they truly make it seem like they do, but there's just part of me that knows that they don't completely. i do get used for my kindness a lot. i feel like a lot of us do. we feel so much and we just know how it feels to be at our last thread. i want so badly to detach from my friends and be able to disappear, but my guilty conscience just won't let me. i wish i could just turn it all off. it's conflicting. i feel for you, friend. i hope it gets easier. <3

You know my life has been bad when this message is the sweetest most genuine thing that has ever been said to me. And it was said by a complete stranger. Thank you for this! Made me tear up.

It's crazy how a heartfelt message from a complete stranger that knows how you feel can make all the difference! I always tear up too.

 

[whateverr]

Idk why I hyper fixate on such awful people. I'm gonna try to not talk to them as much but it's genuinely so difficult when they are like my drug. I'm waiting for them to make me feel euphoric again so life feels worth living… Just for them to drop me once they don't need me again. I hate that I'm like this.

If they're your drug then maybe just view them as entertainment. Stop taking them so seriously and just laugh at their dumb shit then just take what you can get from them. It would probably be pretty easy to let go at that point.

 

[Bunny Beanie]

Same.
I used to be like this too - but it eventually became too exhausting.
I finally admitted to myself that the relationships were an illusion and I was just using them as a coping strategy for life in general.
I'm completely alone now, yet far less stressed. It's lonely, yet I feel better for it.
I hope you can manage to find your way through this too.

Thank you for this! It gives me hope that one day I'll detach and be okay with being alone.

We're social creatures, without others we are destined to collapse. Is it possible for you to find new people? Are there hobbies you enjoy, or hobbies you are interested in, that may expose you to a diverse population of like minded people? I find that I become more self-confident when I meet new people because they are seeing a brand new me. My long-time friends have me in a box that feels difficult to get out of, but new people liberate me from any preconcieved way of being.

I also want to echo others here that you are a kind and warm-hearted person, and you deserve to be loved and valued. If you're not feeling that way from your current social situation, I encourage you to seek it out. Also, I don't know your ages but boys are fucking weird and stupid, your struggle to feel fulilled in your friendships is their problem, not yours. Their loss!

Unfortunately the people I'm talking about are actually fairly new friends. 3 of them I've been friends for a year to the guy I was talking about for 5 months (who btw is almost 30). Been there for them no matter what because I genuinely love them so much. I want to be there because I know what it's like to have absolutely no one. But then I realized.. they don't care to do that to me. They aren't ever there for me unless they need me for something.

 

[whateverr]

Thank you for this! It gives me hope that one day I'll detach and be okay with being alone.

Unfortunately the people I'm talking about are actually fairly new friends. 3 of them I've been friends for a year to the guy I was talking about for 5 months (who btw is almost 30). Been there for them no matter what because I genuinely love them so much. I want to be there because I know what it's like to have absolutely no one. But then I realized.. they don't care to do that to me. They aren't ever there for me unless they need me for something.

How are you doing today, Beanie?

 

[Bunny Beanie]

Saviour complex, perhaps? Do you struggle with addiction? I think it would probably be less of a teaching thing and more of a rubbing off on each other thing? I'm not sure how to teach this other than people just don't make me feel any functional emotions so I always just detach. I was never treated in a healthy manner by anyone though so that could be it. Idk.

I've never been treated good either and you would think it would make me want to be alone but instead I want to continue to give people multiple chances in hopes they change. They never do.

i'm so sorry your friends are making you feel like that. i feel the same about mine. it always feels like they care and they truly make it seem like they do, but there's just part of me that knows that they don't completely. i do get used for my kindness a lot. i feel like a lot of us do. we feel so much and we just know how it feels to be at our last thread. i want so badly to detach from my friends and be able to disappear, but my guilty conscience just won't let me. i wish i could just turn it all off. it's conflicting. i feel for you, friend. i hope it gets easier. <3

It's crazy how a heartfelt message from a complete stranger that knows how you feel can make all the difference! I always tear up too.

I'm sorry you're also on the same boat. It's absolutely exhausting and I wish I could just cut off these people and focus on me but I simply can not. It doesn't help that I've lost friends to death so I think apart of me thinks they'll die and I'll regret me cutting them off. Idk

If they're your drug then maybe just view them as entertainment. Stop taking them so seriously and just laugh at their dumb shit then just take what you can get from them. It would probably be pretty easy to let go at that point.

This is actually great advice. I won't think they are my true friends. They can just be my entertainment. They want to use me? Fine. I'll use them for entertainment LOL

How are you doing today, Beanie?

I'm more livid than depressed now! I deserve so much better than what I've been given! I gotta go cold Turkey on them and focus on me. I'm really gonna try hard to let them go. They don't deserve me.

 

[whateverr]

I've never been treated good either and you would think it would make me want to be alone but instead I want to continue to give people multiple chances in hopes they change. They never do.

I'm sorry you're also on the same boat. It's absolutely exhausting and I wish I could just cut off these people and focus on me but I simply can not. It doesn't help that I've lost friends to death so I think apart of me thinks they'll die and I'll regret me cutting them off. Idk

This is actually great advice. I won't think they are my true friends. They can just be my entertainment. They want to use me? Fine. I'll use them for entertainment LOL

I'm more livid than depressed now! I deserve so much better than what I've been given! I gotta go cold Turkey on them and focus on me. I'm really gonna try hard to let them go. They don't deserve me.

Wow! Sounds like progress. I'm able to view the people around me from a much healthier perspective today which is good for me. I realize if I don't empathize with myself, I'll never be able to appreciate others. Your story has been inspiring to me, btw.

 

[Vesiira]

I've never been treated good either and you would think it would make me want to be alone but instead I want to continue to give people multiple chances in hopes they change. They never do.

I'm sorry you're also on the same boat. It's absolutely exhausting and I wish I could just cut off these people and focus on me but I simply can not. It doesn't help that I've lost friends to death so I think apart of me thinks they'll die and I'll regret me cutting them off. Idk

This is actually great advice. I won't think they are my true friends. They can just be my entertainment. They want to use me? Fine. I'll use them for entertainment LOL

I'm more livid than depressed now! I deserve so much better than what I've been given! I gotta go cold Turkey on them and focus on me. I'm really gonna try hard to let them go. They don't deserve me.

It's definitely so exhausting. All you want to do is cut people out of your life that are just showing you how much they don't care to be in it, but it's so hard. Why? We just want to feel peace in the time we have left, but even the people we are supposed to trust won't let us. I'm so sorry. You do deserve much better, we all do.

 

[Bunny Beanie]

Wow! Sounds like progress. I'm able to view the people around me from a much healthier perspective today which is good for me. I realize if I don't empathize with myself, I'll never be able to appreciate others. Your story has been inspiring to me, btw.

I'm so happy to hear I Inspired!! I'm proud of you for having a better view today. I know it's hard when so many people are just terrible. But I'm proud of you for recognizing you need empathy for you. You deserve it!

It's definitely so exhausting. All you want to do is cut people out of your life that are just showing you how much they don't care to be in it, but it's so hard. Why? We just want to feel peace in the time we have left, but even the people we are supposed to trust won't let us. I'm so sorry. You do deserve much better, we all do.

Idk if you're like me but sometimes I imagine disappearing for a couple months where I ghost all of them and if they reach out then I think they care and they should stay in my life. It sounds so absurd!! And I realize that's not healthy thinking but man I just want them to love me as much as I love them.

 

[doormat25]

Sorry that all my posts are annoying. This is my personal diary and I have no one irl to share this with that won't just say "stop talking to bad people in your life". Trust me if I could I would.

Why do I care so much for people that don't care about me?? It's becoming so exhausting because I just want my friends to want me so badly. I want them to love me. I want them to treat me the way I treat them but they do not like me. And I'm so aware of this and yet I still want their love. Why am I like this?

My friends think I'm fucking stupid but I see right through them. They yoyo me and they are doing it on purpose. They need me to be their therapist. I'm one of those friends who will drop everything to be there for them. They know they would be stupid to drop me so…they don't. Instead 2% of the time they will make me feel euphoric. They will make me feel so loved. It's like a drug. And then all of a sudden they make me feel like garbage 98% of the time. And it's usually right after they are done venting to me about their own shit. They use me up and then they throw me away until the next day when they're lonely again and then try to make me feel great just so I can be their therapist. I'm stuck in this loop with most of my friends.

My friends always dodge the question of hanging out. They won't ever ask me to hang out. As a friend, I obviously want to see them so I just ask. And they always avoid it. Or we plan something and I'm ditched the day we are supposed to hang out. What hurts the most is they have no problem seeing other people but when it comes to me… I'm put in the back burner. I wish they would want to hang out with me. But they don't like me. They only like that I'm their free therapist.

I have this one friend that is phenomenal at making me believe he actually cares for me. He must really think I'm fucking stupid. And I am because even me knowing he's using me, I still love and care for him a lot. Me and him hung out just the two of us once and after that his energy with me was not the same. I just keep asking myself what the fuck did I do wrong during that time? He invited me to his party which was miserable for me ngl. But other than that he never wants to hang out with just me and I don't understand why. Especially since he's really good at making me believe I'm his best friend because he talks to me every single day and I know a lot about him. I care for him so much and it absolutely hurts me that I know he doesn't with me. Maybe he thinks I have a crush on him?? Idk what it is but for once I thought I found a friend who was almost identical to me and I'm crushed to figure out he's only toying with me because I'm his void filler. I'm his security blanket for when he gets lonely. For when the other person he wants to talk to is ignoring him, he comes running to me. And I know that's true. I just wish it wasn't.

Why the hell do I care so much for people who are using me?! When I ctb on my birthday they won't even care. They will pretend to for a week to gain sympathy from the people they want attention from and then resort back to their lives. They don't and never will care for me. So why do I still love and care for them. How the hell do I detach from them?!? I'm so doomed.