How do I deal with my feelings of crushing inferiority when interacting with women on dating apps who have lucrative careers?

[Weebster]

I'm on disability and get a pittance. I hate this shit! It's infuriating.

 

[Marine]

I understand you feeling this way but these kinds of social standards don't mean shit humanly speaking.

Being well integrated in a sick society and earning a lot may be fulfilling for some if they still retain some freedom and haven't sold their souls but it doesn't make one a better human being or a better significant other. If anything people outside the system are usually humanly richer, more interesting, open minded and compassionate.

Also gender roles are completely outdated. People who still think that way or discriminate you because you're disabled aren't worth your time.

Plus it's not necessarily too late for you to find a fulfulling activity, and it doesn't have to be a normal job.

Finding a true match both physically and psychologically, someone you can truly be your best self and are willing to share your life with, is the most invaluable thing, and your activity or lack thereof should not matter unless it's something that goes against your fundamental values such as a butcher for a vegan person.

 

[noaccount]

REMEMBER THAT IT'S IMPORTANT NOT TO HAVE A WORK ETHIC,

BECAUSE THERE IS NOTHING ETHICAL ABOUT WORK.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Well, I'd say try to get away from viewing these things as a competition. You're not on a job interview here. Your life qualifications simply aren't that important to getting to know someone or having a good time with them.

As a society we've come to define ourselves by what we do, but it's not really who we are. I think that's why I've often advocated that people try to let loose and go out/get drunk once in a while. It just sort of serves to shake things up, forces you to live in the moment, and connect with someone on a human level.

Any bond I've formed with someone has virtually always arisen out of something off the cuff. Something as dumb as "this live band is shit" or whatever.

If it were me, I'd drop the technology, down a few drinks and hit the bar. What have you got to lose?

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

By recognising that money is worthless and a tool of capitalism that not only serves to fuel greeds but opresses the labor class. Become communist comrade, then you no longer into feel inferior, for you into the know you worth more than dirty capitalist pigs.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Maybe you don't actually need to deal with them. They're just feelings.

Edit: Something that works for me nowadays, on top of not struggling against the feelings, is trying to think as logically as possible about sources of emotional pain. In particular, what actually affects me (non-emotionally) and what I can actually do.

 

[Spiritual survivor]

I would play up other things u can offer. Maybe just be upfront that if this is a turn off please can u not waste my time? I'm looking for a sexual relationship if not longterm than just short term Expect mostly rejection but there will be someone who is down, don't give up too quickly. I will pray for u you must have faith and ask God to help u.

 

[whatevs]

REMEMBER THAT IT'S IMPORTANT NOT TO HAVE A WORK ETHIC,

BECAUSE THERE IS NOTHING ETHICAL ABOUT WORK.

Hahaha this is pretty good.

If my armchair Psychiatry is serving me well, no one in here gets Weebster as well as I do. A narcissist or a psychopath , or someone closer to these ways of being than the average, will always see competition and a struggle for dominance in life more frequently than someone that's not.

IMO in dating apps women care about your profession and how much you make. So that's the first thing, your chances are slim but you can get along with someone that is on a similar situation.

And finally, in the extremely odd chance that some well off, successful woman that you find physically attractive reciprocates you then it would be useful to frame it as a source of admiration rather than inferiority. I don't think this could ever happen, btw, I added it to make my contribution end with hopeful imagery.

 

[Weebster]

By recognising that money is worthless and a tool of capitalism that not only serves to fuel greeds but opresses the labor class. Become communist comrade, then you no longer into feel inferior, for you into the know you worth more than dirty capitalist pigs.

Animal Farm

Well, I'd say try to get away from viewing these things as a competition. You're not on a job interview here. Your life qualifications simply aren't that important to getting to know someone or having a good time with them.

As a society we've come to define ourselves by what we do, but it's not really who we are. I think that's why I've often advocated that people try to let loose and go out/get drunk once in a while. It just sort of serves to shake things up, forces you to live in the moment, and connect with someone on a human level.

Any bond I've formed with someone has virtually always arisen out of something off the cuff. Something as dumb as "this live band is shit" or whatever.

If it were me, I'd drop the technology, down a few drinks and hit the bar. What have you got to lose?

Hopefully they don't ask what I do

Maybe you don't actually need to deal with them. They're just feelings.

Edit: Something that works for me nowadays, on top of not struggling against the feelings, is trying to think as logically as possible about sources of emotional pain. In particular, what actually affects me (non-emotionally) and what I can actually do.

That's interesting. Thanks

I would play up other things u can offer. Maybe just be upfront that if this is a turn off please can u not waste my time? I'm looking for a sexual relationship if not longterm than just short term Expect mostly rejection but there will be someone who is down, don't give up too quickly. I will pray for u you must have faith and ask God to help u.

The emojis make this comment great

 

[Al Cappella]

I tell people I've taken a vow of poverty. If they don't like it, they can fuck off. It's a great screening device…

 

[Weebster]

I tell people I've taken a vow of poverty. If they don't like it, they can fuck off. It's a great screening device…

Why would a person take that vow? Wouldn't every woman be screened out?

 

[MicropBaldCurrycel]

A persons worth and value as a partner is not determined by their salary or job.

You are not your job, you're not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet.

 

[odradek]

Maybe seek out someone who is closer to you in socio-economic status so you don't have to. Have realistic expectations. If someone is successful in their career, man or woman, they will be more likely to seek out something similar in a partner.

 

[Al Cappella]

Why would a person take that vow? Wouldn't every woman be screened out?

I'm a starving artist—seriously. So sooner or later folks find out I'm not wealthy, or about a high-powered career. But there are other things I can do that they find interesting. Like cook. That goes a really long way.

But if you're interested in a lawyer, let's say, then you have to find a way around it, or not bother. Thing is, most likely she's going to want you to notice her for other stuff anyway, and not what she necessarily does for a living. Not that this is a science or anything.

Edit: I get the inferiority thing though, I have it too. I just get to where I'm "up" and go for it anyway.

 

[Grey-zoner]

I mostly lurk on this forum, but this post is so topical that I felt the need to provide my two cents.
I just left an 8-year relationship with a woman a few days ago and downloaded Bumble last night. The experience so far has been just what you described--I'm a loser with currently a part-time job living at his parents', and although I am (or was) acceptable looking, all of the women I see on the app seem to work at law firms or Fortune 500 companies. So far few or no members of the working class, or unemployed/under-employed--I highly doubt that it's representative of where I live. but the demographics seem to be very, very skewed toward "the elite", and this might be by design.
If you experience some anxiety or loss of self-esteem due to this, I think that's a normal response, but there are other options. Try developing self-confidence slowly and gradually, masturbate (without browsing porn) to relieve the sexual tension and think less about your lack of sexual opportunity or low status, go to a bar or hobby-related Meetup event and chat with someone--man or woman, try cooking, jogging, etc...
All this makes me think that an obvious solution might be a dating app for non-neurotypical people, the depressed, anxiety-prone, shut-ins, autistic, etc... but hey, that's a "crazy' idea, right?

 

[_Seeking]

You'll have to let go of your juvenile view of women, that they have poor hygiene and are desperate to get pregnant to entrap you. These are far bigger issues than being on disability. Ultimately, you will need to show a modicum of respect and personality that may prove difficult for you.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Go for them anyway and hope one of them eventually has a kink for being the breadwinner and is more dominant on the power scale.

 

[Grey-zoner]

Go for them anyway and hope one of them eventually has a kink for being the breadwinner and is more dominant on the power scale.

There are men who can play the loser card with great skill.

 

[Weebster]

You'll have to let go of your juvenile view of women, that they have poor hygiene and are desperate to get pregnant to entrap you. These are far bigger issues than being on disability. Ultimately, you will need to show a modicum of respect and personality that may prove difficult for you.

Oh fuck off already lol You're obsessed. Now I know you're Sherri.

 

[_Seeking]

Oh fuck off already lol You're obsessed. Now I know you're Sherri.

Gee, with that personality I wonder why it's so difficult to find women. Not Sherri, by the way. Why don't you make a few dozen more posts wondering why you have trouble with women.

 

[Weebster]

Gee, with that personality I wonder why it's so difficult to find women. Not Sherri, by the way. Why don't you make a few dozen more posts wondering why you have trouble with women.

It's clear that you're triggered. Not good with the hygiene huh? Lol You always quote that part so I figure that's what upset you.

 

[Someone123]

Maybe seek out someone who is closer to you in socio-economic status so you don't have to. Have realistic expectations. If someone is successful in their career, man or woman, they will be more likely to seek out something similar in a partner.

That's really I think the best chance- if you want someone to accept you even though you are lower income then it would help if you would accept the same from a girl.

 

[motel rooms]

It's clear that you're triggered. Not good with the hygiene huh? Lol You always quote that part so I figure that's what upset you.

Really? You're mocking women by saying their intimate hygiene is bad again?

 

[motel rooms]

She keeps antagonizing me so I absolutely will talk shit back. Why are you such a busybody?

You're a goner, my friend. All the mods remember the first incident.

 

[Weebster]

You're a goner, my friend. All the mods remember the first incident.

I'll happily leave if they ban you too, antagonistic fuck.

 

[Someone123]

She keeps antagonizing me so I absolutely will talk shit back. Why are you such a busybody?

You are acting abusively towards her so that's why people are sticking up for her. She was actually trying to help you by giving you good advice about what you need to work on to do better with women. She said:

"You'll have to let go of your juvenile view of women, that they have poor hygiene and are desperate to get pregnant to entrap you. These are far bigger issues than being on disability. Ultimately, you will need to show a modicum of respect and personality that may prove difficult for you."

Note that she didn't say it would be impossible for you, she said it would be difficult for you, which looks like the truth- but that's ok, because difficult means it could be done if you put your mind to it. She is giving you good advice about what you need to work on to do better with women- to treat women with respect- and then you reacted abusively towards her instead of learning from her. So often when people try to help you you get mad at them and swear and say very immature things. You would be way better off if you would consider- maybe these people are right, maybe I need to be more respectful to women. I know you may respond as usual and just get mad about this, but you'd be way better off if you decide to improve in this area.

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

SanctionedSuicide, where forgiveness and redemption are myths.

 

[Marine]

I don't think trolling or being abusive / inconsiderate towards each other is going to lead to anything good for any of us. We're all vulnerable enough here, let's please respect each other. If you don't like someone or are triggered by them avoid interacting all together for your own sake, especially in public. OP asked a genuine question and was open enough about his difficulties, he doesn't need harrasment regardless of what may have happened elsewhere. Let's be decent human beings here at least, the world needs that, and us more than anyone else.

 

[Symbiote]

This entire thread. Locked.