How do I convince someone it’s not their fault?

[Jon Arbuckle]

I fucked up really badly yesterday. I told an online friend about my plans to ctb soon, writing several paragraphs of stupid shit I regret really bad.

I regret it, I feel like I demanded too much of them and I should have just kept my mouth shut about it. I ended up just stressing them out really bad. They begged me not to do it, and one thing they said that really stuck out to me is that if I killed myself, they would feel partially to blame.

I think I've asked too much of this person, I've vented and whined about my life so much to this person and now they're just incredibly tired and frustrated.

I feel really awful about this. they've done literally nothing wrong to me, they've only ever tried to be supportive to me so it wouldn't make any sense for them to feel like it was their fault. I haven't said anything since then, I don't know how to make them feel better.

Is there anything I can say to convince them that it wasn't their fault? should I just stop messaging them and avoid digging a deeper hole for myself? I could really use some advice.

 

[demitriusmigsysvotf]

I fucked up really badly yesterday. I told an online friend about my plans to ctb soon, writing several paragraphs of stupid shit I regret really bad.

I regret it, I feel like I demanded too much of them and I should have just kept my mouth shut about it. I ended up just stressing them out really bad. They begged me not to do it, and one thing they said that really stuck out to me is that if I killed myself, they would feel partially to blame.

I think I've asked too much of this person, I've vented and whined about my life so much to this person and now they're just incredibly tired and frustrated.

I feel really awful about this. they've done literally nothing wrong to me, they've only ever tried to be supportive to me so it wouldn't make any sense for them to feel like it was their fault. I haven't said anything since then, I don't know how to make them feel better.

Is there anything I can say to convince them that it wasn't their fault? should I just stop messaging them and avoid digging a deeper hole for myself? I could really use some advice.

From my personal expirience I could say that it`s literally one of the most basic types of trying to make you stay here. In my life people who said such things or even "I would ctb right after u" just left me in the end. And surprisingly no one no one kept their promise and stayed with me. It all just ended up that they do not give a fuck bout me.

From now on it depends on how long you know them. But still, if I were you I would not try anything to do to convince them. Maybe you should stop messaging and look how they react.

 

[Kalista]

revealing your plan to someone will tend to cause them to feel responsible. since now they know about your plan and did nothing to fully stop you from committing to it and other possible reasons. it can damage relationships whether you continue with it or not. not many people are understanding of this type of situation so it's always a risk to even talk about it.

you can try asking why she thinks it's her fault to get a better understanding then proceed there. you mentioned she's incredibly tired and frustrated -- maybe she thinks she shouldn't have been so frustrated towards you and failed to realize how serious your problems are. only way to know is to talk about it straight out. not much else to lose.
if communication is failing to be established, then might be better to stop there for now.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm so sorry. I think it's understandable that you reached out. It's incredibly difficult to live with all this stuff alone. We can never really tell how another person will react too but I understand why you regret it now.

Do you think they will raise the issue again if you don't? Personally, I'd probably play it by ear. If they go back to talking about everyday stuff, maybe just follow their lead.

If they do press you on it though, I think all you can really do is to say what you've just said. That all they've ever done was to be kind and support you- that you're grateful for all that so- your decision would be independent of them. Basically, that there's nothing more they can do than they do already. Even that you'd hate for them to feel bad.

Or, I suppose you could pretend things have gotten slightly easier. I think people tend to assume that- if you aren't actively complaining about life, things may have gone back to 'normal'.

Usually, I'm fairly good at making small talk conversation with my Dad. Once though, he caught me at a bad time and I told him there was nothing I really wanted from life anymore. Obviously, that frightened him. But, it was impressive really how quickly we moved on from that. The next few conversations went back to being gloomy but not desperate and he just assumed it was a bad, temporary patch. I think some people can forget quite quickly because they don't want to think about it.

I've had sad realisations in life also that I've leant too much on friends. It's a horrible feeling. In some ways though, the realisation can protect you. Especially if you realise that they're not actually willing to be relied upon so heavily. It can kind of stop you before you become any more reliant on them.