Help How do I convince my friend to respect my wishes?

[bitter]

I hope that you are all doing well.

I'm in a situation right now, and this has led me to consider CTB as my most desired option. I have thought about this for more than five years; I like to think that I'm not acting on impulse. It's also worth noting that I have not been diagnosed with any mental disorders, but I do have a couple chronic conditions, such as an autoimmune disease. Without sharing any more details—because I am too paranoid—I just want it to be clear that I have considered this for a while, and it appears to be the wisest choice. CTB would reduce the financial burden and stress I bring to myself and my family. We would all be happier, I would like to think.

With all of that out of the way, though, let me begin talking about my friend and the trouble I'm having with them. First, I feel blessed to have my friend: They are a wonderful, sweet person, and what I say here should not contradict that. We just have difficulty agreeing on my decision of CTB. We do agree that CTB is not always the case of disordered thinking, and that one can come to this conclusion rationally. However, my friend does not support my decision to pursue CTB, even though I have explained my entire situation, and I plan to give it a couple years (maybe even decades) just to make it clear at which point living well for me will become impossible. It appears, with almost complete certainty, that I would be on the street and will die a slow, painful death if I were to insist on living beyond the point of planned CTB. They do not believe my judgment is right, though.

I want to ask you all what possible arguments I could make in support of CTB. I'm very sorry that my descriptions of my situation and conflict with my friend are vague, I just do not feel comfortable enough sharing more personal details. Nevertheless, I thought about framing an argument about autonomy or some other reason it wouldn't be okay to force me to live when it is evident I will suffer more. Do any of you have any resources or cases for this argument? What other approach might I take? Is there some other argument I could make in favor of CTB instead?

I appreciate you for reading this and I'm thankful for those who respond.

 

[foreverfalling]

This is my own take and not really answering your question, but it's useless trying to argue. Nothing you say will change their point of view. Just try to put yourself in your friend's shoes. Would you change your mind if your friend tried to convince you not to CTB?

It's great that you consider them a good friend, I hope you can maintain a good relationship with them.

But when the situation changes, will you still consider them a good friend? Suppose you do attempt to CTB, due to tremendous suffering. 10 minutes later, your friend comes in and 'saves' you. This leaves you paralyzed and suffering even more. Your friend will probably think they did something good for you, that they did the right thing. What would you think of them then?

It's best just to avoid that situation altogether. You can be good friends, but only when you don't talk about CTB.

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't really understand why people tell others in the first place about wanting to die, I'd personally just see it as best to write notes instead to act as an explanation to be read once the individual has left this world. Sadly so many people are too anti-suicide and selfish and won't even try to understand, in my opinion it's not worth risking telling other people as it could just cause them to interfere in any potential plans.

 

[bitter]

This is my own take and not really answering your question, but it's useless trying to argue. Nothing you say will change their point of view. Just try to put yourself in your friend's shoes. Would you change your mind if your friend tried to convince you not to CTB?

It's great that you consider them a good friend, I hope you can maintain a good relationship with them.

But when the situation changes, will you still consider them a good friend? Suppose you do attempt to CTB, due to tremendous suffering. 10 minutes later, your friend comes in and 'saves' you. This leaves you paralyzed and suffering even more. Your friend will probably think they did something good for you, that they did the right thing. What would you think of them then?

It's best just to avoid that situation altogether. You can be good friends, but only when you don't talk about CTB.

Wise thoughts. Thanks.

Looking at it this way, it would probably be a better idea not to bring it up with them. I just felt like it would hurt them more if I CTB'd suddenly and they didn't know whether they did something.

You are right though that trying to change their view or making them aware of my wishes to CTB will only complicate and potentially destroy our friendship.

I don't really understand why people tell others in the first place about wanting to die, I'd personally just see it as best to write notes instead to act as an explanation to be read once the individual has left this world. Sadly so many people are too anti-suicide and selfish and won't even try to understand, in my opinion it's not worth risking telling other people as it could just cause them to interfere in any potential plans.

That's a good way of putting it. I confided in my friend because I still have a sliver of hope to reverse my situation, and I thought maybe they could offer another perspective on it. I also wanted to let my friend know so it would not come so suddenly that I decided to CTB. But, as you said, a letter would probably suffice, because that would clear up the misunderstanding that they were responsible (if they were led to thinking that).