how did you find your ideal cbt method?

[nixxeekes]

i know its obvious that not a single method will be 100% reliable but i cant help but find a lot of downsides on all of them. cutting is the one i prefer, however it seems impossible. im sure its because of the survival instinct. i cant stab myself deep enough because i stop my hand right before doing it. i even tried to study where the right veins are, but its not enough. i think i should change my method to a reliable one but i dont have the possibility to get a gun and in my country they dont sell sn. and for the classic methods, like hanging or jumping, im scared of those, to be honest. i dont think im brave enough to do that. i did intoxicate myself but didnt work (i ended up with the worst stomachache and i threw up blood, so i really dont recommend doing it). i thought on overdosing too but a family member of mine, who is a doctor, once told me that they get too many people who try to cbt by overdosing and end up with severe brain damage. im afraid of that but its literally the most likely ending for any method, like drowning. at this point im lost and tired.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case, the fact that my ideal method is inaccessible is the only reason as to why I continue existing. If I actually managed to obtain my ideal method (Nembutal) I would be long gone from this world at this point.
And by the way cutting and overdoses just lead to failure, they aren't recommended for a successful, reliable ctb. I'm also scared of hanging and jumping, I certainly hate how difficult it is to voluntarily exit this world.

 

[outrider567]

i know its obvious that not a single method will be 100% reliable but i cant help but find a lot of downsides on all of them. cutting is the one i prefer, however it seems impossible. im sure its because of the survival instinct. i cant stab myself deep enough because i stop my hand right before doing it. i even tried to study where the right veins are, but its not enough. i think i should change my method to a reliable one but i dont have the possibility to get a gun and in my country they dont sell sn. and for the classic methods, like hanging or jumping, im scared of those, to be honest. i dont think im brave enough to do that. i did intoxicate myself but didnt work (i ended up with the worst stomachache and i threw up blood, so i really dont recommend doing it). i thought on overdosing too but a family member of mine, who is a doctor, once told me that they get too many people who try to cbt by overdosing and end up with severe brain damage. im afraid of that but its literally the most likely ending for any method, like drowning. at this point im lost and tired.

Nitrogen is 100% reliable, and painless

 

[Tartuffe]

What about a portable BBQ in a tent with all the holes sealed. Pretty painless way to go

 

[SamTam33]

It took me a while, but I settled on the method that's the most accessible with the highest chance of succeeding: drowning.

Jumping into a river or lake in the middle of the night when you can't swim is all but a guaranteed death.

Conjuring up the courage is all that stands between me and infinite peace.

Slowly but surely, I'm getting there.

 

[maxyboy]

Last note (this will be a lot shorter than i mean to because the pills will be taking effect and would take me an essay to describe how i feel and how special and deep down good the people in my life are)


Im very sorry to absolutely everyone for this and the clean up that will have to happen I have just been in soo much pain and every corner i turn just ends up in trouble this is 10000% my fault and I cant keep going on, believe me I have tried soo hard to be positive and have a good mindset but the negativity has gotten too much and ive found ive started causing more negative impacts to the people in my life and that i love, saying that at least that can end. Im not making any excuses ive buried my head in the sand for too long and its never my fault well I know know it is. I just hope the damage i have caused is not permanent. Ideally I would love to be writing this from the rocks on the canaries overlooking the Atlantic or the shores of loch lomond but this home will have to do lol. Ive been at dead ends before and always got back on my feet but this time I cant, Dad was right and maybe in the back of my head I knew that i would never make 30 I just hoped i would make it closer haha. Ive found myself changing mentally and apparently capable of doing horrible things like breaking into peoples homes for whatever reason whether true or not I dont remember it.


Lauren- You were the best sister and i think weve both had a few rough years and im sorry for not being there for you. Youve obviously always been stronger than me and im so proud that you have made a good life for yourself and your still young! You are gonna have soo much ahead of you, I love you (I know we dont say that enough)




Mum- I put you in a horrible situation as asking you to be my Guarantor, Ive just added unnecessary stress to you (emotionally and financially) and im soo sorry about this but i think in the long run this will benefit you more even if you never believe that. You have been a great mother and never deserved a selfish son like me, I have taken more than I have given Im 27 nearly 28 and still acting like a child. Its been a tough time for everyone and you have supported me wherever you could but I did not return that. I love you


Clara- You will always have a special place in my Heart we went through some great and some bad times but then so does everyone im soo happy you didnt take my advice to go back to France in the middle of the pandemic when you were a shell of a person, NO somehow you kept going i have no idea how you kept going it shows how strong of a person you are, even though you dont believe it yourself FOR the love of god if anything you need to have is the self belief, courage and confidence in yourself which you so rightly deserve especially among others. You are incredibly kind and you will always have a place in my heart. I think I will always have a love for you, not in the same way to make it awkward but Im really happy you have settled in the best city in the world and started to make a life for yourself and you really deserve it. So even at the worst of times keep your head up. We spent just shy of 3 years together and even though towards the end It was toxic and I wouldn't exactly call it a relationship my biggest fear is that you forget the adventures we had and although you are the kind of person to always look forward which I admire, try and reminisce a wee bit. (also practise your accent you sound indian when trying glaswegian ;)


Laura- Im sorry i never made it to France to see you and gary there was nothing I wanted to do more in the world however circumstances here made it impossible. I miss you and always would of we always had a connection of some level and although your mostly a cheeky/mouthy/irritating connasse/ sal chien you were always a great friend and ive really missed you and will always have love for you!


Matt- Your a cheeky monkey but thanks for being there for me day and night, Ive always felt very close to you and you have one of the strongest and most persistent personalities I know so i know you are gonna be alright. Love you man.


KC- Im so happy I used to work wednesday nights when you had your open mic because then I wouldnt of met one of my closest/ best friends I feel like we share a lot of experiences and you were the only one to call me every day to check that I was ok and you have no idea how much I appreciate that, would of loved to have one last whisky with ya, bout the times in the clutha and running faulty towers haha. Im so happy you are doing well and your such a talented singer I never get sick of hearing you sing so keep at it man because it comes straight from the soul, love you and tiocfaidh ár lá!


Julia- Im sorry about the other night that was one night im ashamed of but excluding that I hope you know I would of done anything for you, I also always felt very close to you and you dont give yourself enough credit your incredibly intelligent, Hard working, caring, ect but you give yourself such a hard time.


Gran- To be honest with you Gran theres not much i can say about you, you have been such an inspiration, I love you sooo much and really really really couldnt of asked of a better gran. I could always come to you for and advice without any judgement which makes you the only one. If every person was as good/loving/hard as you, The world would be a much, much, much better place.


Eve- Im sorry I havent been the best of a big brother and that was shit of me but luckily everytime i see you I can tell how talented you are and how you are going to do soooooo well in life, just carry on and when your older listen to your sister mum and most importantly Gran. I love you




(P.S Im really sorry if ive left people out/ notes have been short the pills are starting to take effect_



hows this you guys think?
and im the same, tried pills to a stupid amount been in hospital twice but nope wont work I have no idea how but just didnt

What about a portable BBQ in a tent with all the holes sealed. Pretty painless way to go

you think that would work?

In my case, the fact that my ideal method is inaccessible is the only reason as to why I continue existing. If I actually managed to obtain my ideal method (Nembutal) I would be long gone from this world at this point.
And by the way cutting and overdoses just lead to failure, they aren't recommended for a successful, reliable ctb. I'm also scared of hanging and jumping, I certainly hate how difficult it is to voluntarily exit this world.

im the same im struggling to find away, I have to be very drunk/high on opiates tot try the traditional but never works

 

[daniel1234]

Last note (this will be a lot shorter than i mean to because the pills will be taking effect and would take me an essay to describe how i feel and how special and deep down good the people in my life are)


Im very sorry to absolutely everyone for this and the clean up that will have to happen I have just been in soo much pain and every corner i turn just ends up in trouble this is 10000% my fault and I cant keep going on, believe me I have tried soo hard to be positive and have a good mindset but the negativity has gotten too much and ive found ive started causing more negative impacts to the people in my life and that i love, saying that at least that can end. Im not making any excuses ive buried my head in the sand for too long and its never my fault well I know know it is. I just hope the damage i have caused is not permanent. Ideally I would love to be writing this from the rocks on the canaries overlooking the Atlantic or the shores of loch lomond but this home will have to do lol. Ive been at dead ends before and always got back on my feet but this time I cant, Dad was right and maybe in the back of my head I knew that i would never make 30 I just hoped i would make it closer haha. Ive found myself changing mentally and apparently capable of doing horrible things like breaking into peoples homes for whatever reason whether true or not I dont remember it.


Lauren- You were the best sister and i think weve both had a few rough years and im sorry for not being there for you. Youve obviously always been stronger than me and im so proud that you have made a good life for yourself and your still young! You are gonna have soo much ahead of you, I love you (I know we dont say that enough)




Mum- I put you in a horrible situation as asking you to be my Guarantor, Ive just added unnecessary stress to you (emotionally and financially) and im soo sorry about this but i think in the long run this will benefit you more even if you never believe that. You have been a great mother and never deserved a selfish son like me, I have taken more than I have given Im 27 nearly 28 and still acting like a child. Its been a tough time for everyone and you have supported me wherever you could but I did not return that. I love you


Clara- You will always have a special place in my Heart we went through some great and some bad times but then so does everyone im soo happy you didnt take my advice to go back to France in the middle of the pandemic when you were a shell of a person, NO somehow you kept going i have no idea how you kept going it shows how strong of a person you are, even though you dont believe it yourself FOR the love of god if anything you need to have is the self belief, courage and confidence in yourself which you so rightly deserve especially among others. You are incredibly kind and you will always have a place in my heart. I think I will always have a love for you, not in the same way to make it awkward but Im really happy you have settled in the best city in the world and started to make a life for yourself and you really deserve it. So even at the worst of times keep your head up. We spent just shy of 3 years together and even though towards the end It was toxic and I wouldn't exactly call it a relationship my biggest fear is that you forget the adventures we had and although you are the kind of person to always look forward which I admire, try and reminisce a wee bit. (also practise your accent you sound indian when trying glaswegian ;)


Laura- Im sorry i never made it to France to see you and gary there was nothing I wanted to do more in the world however circumstances here made it impossible. I miss you and always would of we always had a connection of some level and although your mostly a cheeky/mouthy/irritating connasse/ sal chien you were always a great friend and ive really missed you and will always have love for you!


Matt- Your a cheeky monkey but thanks for being there for me day and night, Ive always felt very close to you and you have one of the strongest and most persistent personalities I know so i know you are gonna be alright. Love you man.


KC- Im so happy I used to work wednesday nights when you had your open mic because then I wouldnt of met one of my closest/ best friends I feel like we share a lot of experiences and you were the only one to call me every day to check that I was ok and you have no idea how much I appreciate that, would of loved to have one last whisky with ya, bout the times in the clutha and running faulty towers haha. Im so happy you are doing well and your such a talented singer I never get sick of hearing you sing so keep at it man because it comes straight from the soul, love you and tiocfaidh ár lá!


Julia- Im sorry about the other night that was one night im ashamed of but excluding that I hope you know I would of done anything for you, I also always felt very close to you and you dont give yourself enough credit your incredibly intelligent, Hard working, caring, ect but you give yourself such a hard time.


Gran- To be honest with you Gran theres not much i can say about you, you have been such an inspiration, I love you sooo much and really really really couldnt of asked of a better gran. I could always come to you for and advice without any judgement which makes you the only one. If every person was as good/loving/hard as you, The world would be a much, much, much better place.


Eve- Im sorry I havent been the best of a big brother and that was shit of me but luckily everytime i see you I can tell how talented you are and how you are going to do soooooo well in life, just carry on and when your older listen to your sister mum and most importantly Gran. I love you




(P.S Im really sorry if ive left people out/ notes have been short the pills are starting to take effect_



hows this you guys think?
and im the same, tried pills to a stupid amount been in hospital twice but nope wont work I have no idea how but just didnt

you think that would work?

im the same im struggling to find away, I have to be very drunk/high on opiates tot try the traditional but never works

(Srry for bad english)
Hey men you are in time to stop it, you are young and you can change for better, you have too much time to change
However if is this is what you want it's fine and i hope you find peace but just reconsider it

 

[devoutweiss]

i know its obvious that not a single method will be 100% reliable but i cant help but find a lot of downsides on all of them. cutting is the one i prefer, however it seems impossible. im sure its because of the survival instinct. i cant stab myself deep enough because i stop my hand right before doing it. i even tried to study where the right veins are, but its not enough. i think i should change my method to a reliable one but i dont have the possibility to get a gun and in my country they dont sell sn. and for the classic methods, like hanging or jumping, im scared of those, to be honest. i dont think im brave enough to do that. i did intoxicate myself but didnt work (i ended up with the worst stomachache and i threw up blood, so i really dont recommend doing it). i thought on overdosing too but a family member of mine, who is a doctor, once told me that they get too many people who try to cbt by overdosing and end up with severe brain damage. im afraid of that but its literally the most likely ending for any method, like drowning. at this point im lost and tired.

I still don't know mine. If anyone has any reliable and somewhat accessible in the UK, I'd be happy to learning.
I've planned on using my perazzi since I'm lucky enough to have a gun while in this country, but fear the mess.

 

[EnvyTangerine]

Found it by searching through this forum. Hopefully I can CBT soon.

 

[missingpeace]

Well, I knew I definitely wanted a method that was painless, I would never be able to jump or drown. I looked into partial hanging, watched a few hanging videos and it appealed to me how quick it was. I never had any contacts for drugs so wouldn't have a clue on overdosing. I also had a look into the inert gas method and SN, so I have 3 methods that I'm currently hanging onto.. SN, Inert Gas, Hanging.. written in the order of preference from least risky to most risky. According to me anyway.

 

[death's lover]

Well, I knew I definitely wanted a method that was painless, I would never be able to jump or drown. I looked into partial hanging, watched a few hanging videos and it appealed to me how quick it was. I never had any contacts for drugs so wouldn't have a clue on overdosing. I also had a look into the inert gas method and SN, so I have 3 methods that I'm currently hanging onto.. SN, Inert Gas, Hanging.. written in the order of preference from least risky to most risky. According to me anyway.

Can you give me the link for the hanging videos? I can't seem to find them anywhere.

Nitrogen is 100% reliable, and painless

How can I obtain nitrogen?

 

[a-friend]

i know its obvious that not a single method will be 100% reliable but i cant help but find a lot of downsides on all of them. cutting is the one i prefer, however it seems impossible. im sure its because of the survival instinct. i cant stab myself deep enough because i stop my hand right before doing it. i even tried to study where the right veins are, but its not enough. i think i should change my method to a reliable one but i dont have the possibility to get a gun and in my country they dont sell sn. and for the classic methods, like hanging or jumping, im scared of those, to be honest. i dont think im brave enough to do that. i did intoxicate myself but didnt work (i ended up with the worst stomachache and i threw up blood, so i really dont recommend doing it). i thought on overdosing too but a family member of mine, who is a doctor, once told me that they get too many people who try to cbt by overdosing and end up with severe brain damage. im afraid of that but its literally the most likely ending for any method, like drowning. at this point im lost and tired.

I'm not sure about my method of CBT either. Maybe jumping if I work up the courage.

 

[nixxeekes]

Can you give me the link for the hanging videos? I can't seem to find them anywhere.

How can I obtain nitrogen?

if you found the answer to any of this questions, please let me know.

 

[rawwar539]

Haven't found mine yet, but I am definitely looking. Think that I prefer a way to just slip away. So methods seem to violent.b

 

[Readytogo246]

At this point nitrogen seems the swiftest and least painful method for me.

 

[hdahsa]

Looking at the success possibility, the ideal methods would be N (if you can obtain it) or Nitrogen (if one can get all the parts, assemble them and then ensure a right face covering).

However, since N is not available I am currently relying on SN and Nitrogen which I have thankfully kept ready. Guns are not available to me and since I have a strong SI, other methods like hanging, drowning, jumping off a building etc are not for me.

It all depends on your inclination and availability of materials.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

My peronal preference is the CO method, because everything what is needed is available everywhere without restrictions and besides that nobody will suspect sth when buying the needed things. And it's a pretty much peaceful method to CTB while sleeping without SI disturbing.

 

[90starve]

i know its obvious that not a single method will be 100% reliable but i cant help but find a lot of downsides on all of them. cutting is the one i prefer, however it seems impossible. im sure its because of the survival instinct. i cant stab myself deep enough because i stop my hand right before doing it. i even tried to study where the right veins are, but its not enough. i think i should change my method to a reliable one but i dont have the possibility to get a gun and in my country they dont sell sn. and for the classic methods, like hanging or jumping, im scared of those, to be honest. i dont think im brave enough to do that. i did intoxicate myself but didnt work (i ended up with the worst stomachache and i threw up blood, so i really dont recommend doing it). i thought on overdosing too but a family member of mine, who is a doctor, once told me that they get too many people who try to cbt by overdosing and end up with severe brain damage. im afraid of that but its literally the most likely ending for any method, like drowning. at this point im lost and tired.

my preferred method has always been hanging (partial compared to full). im not sure what draws me to this method above all else - but it's easily accessible, and can be painless if done correctly.

with time and research the method will come to you :)

 

[Arachno]

My preferred method is firearm, ideally a shotgun. I feel like it's a quick and effective, and I just really like guns. But in my country (Czechia), getting a gun is a terribly hard process for people like me.

 

[iLikeFrogs]

I was looking for fast method and painless, since owning firearms are illegal and I don't want to traumatize some minimal wage worker at shooting rage, I choosed decapitation by train. I know how it sounds right after I said I don't want to traumatize shooting range worker but I'm kinda desperate and I'm not the first person to ctb by this method in my city.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I guess no methods are going to be ideal for us. It's not ideal to have to do a bodge job with whatever you can get ahold of.

But... I researched- saw that SN was the only one I felt halfway able to have the guts to do and settled on that. I took the risk buying from IC- before they got closed down and I was lucky that it came through ok. Not exactly lucky that it triggered a police check the other day- but- I still have it at least.

Of course- there's the added pressure now that it will expire someday. My Meto is already expired and that welness check will be on my record now- so- I doubt doctors will want to prescribe me anymore.

Sadly- just about all methods carry risk. Some are less easy to conceal than others too. Inert gas does sound peaceful but neighbours would be more than a little curious seeing all that arrive. Plus- I'm overly paranoid about gas tanks. A hangover from when I learnt to do welding and our tutor frightened us!

I'm sorry though. It sucks to feel trapped in this world with no reliable exit. That's really how they keep us hostage here- make it as difficult and risky as possible in the hopes that either the fear will be enough to put us off- or- we'll attempt and fail and they'll stick us back together again.

 

[MusicGuy]

My preferred method is jumping, but depends on how high is the height you have access to. And about the courage, just think that it will probably (with a little bit of luck) be the last thing you will have to do in your life. I really wish you to find your way to go, may you find the peace you deserve

 

[Arachno]

I was looking for fast method and painless, since owning firearms are illegal and I don't want to traumatize some minimal wage worker at shooting rage, I choosed decapitation by train. I know how it sounds right after I said I don't want to traumatize shooting range worker but I'm kinda desperate and I'm not the first person to ctb by this method in my city.

Damn I wish I had the courage to CTB by train like you do, It's my backup method for now in case I won't have any other choice.

 

[blacktulip44]

i thought i found my ideal method, jumping, but i found out someone close to my mom already did it like this and i think she'd be in way too much pain if i ctb'd exactly the same way. now im looking for a new one but its very hard to decide.

 

[death's lover]

if you found the answer to any of this questions, please let me know.

Haven't found any yet

 

[Archieozias]

Looking at the success possibility, the ideal methods would be N (if you can obtain it) or Nitrogen (if one can get all the parts, assemble them and then ensure a right face covering).

However, since N is not available I am currently relying on SN and Nitrogen which I have thankfully kept ready. Guns are not available to me and since I have a strong SI, other methods like hanging, drowning, jumping off a building etc are not for me.

It all depends on your inclination and availability of materials.

Nitrogen is 100%
And painless too why dont everyone here do it?