How did you eventually come to the decision to ctb?

[sunbleachedflies]

I am considering to ctb. I genuinely cannot go on. I dread waking up and having to live through the day. But, I have other things I am worried about (e.g. family, friends, etc). So, I am wondering how other people come to the conclusion that this what they want to do.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

finally started to think. just a few reasons:

extreme pain outweighs any of the "good" crap by orders of magnitude

there is no reason to risk unbearable pain or extreme suffering

life is meaningless suffering, an evil imposition,

life and this world are prisons. i want to escape evil life and this evil world through my own actions

And just one thing no one else thinKs : wtaf i'm a bug. the brain cells in a fly are exactly the same as in a human brain, fish brain rat brain. A brain cell is a brain cell no matter the species

 

[DeIetedUser4739]

1. I can't enjoy anything at all, everything I used to like doing now feels like a chore.
2. Realized the worlds completely random and evil stuff just happens to anyone for no reason.
3. There's no greater purpose (like getting into Heaven) all Religions are made up.
4. Everyday feels the same and it's dreadful 24/7 unless I'm asleep as that's the only relief I get ( I feel at peace in my dreams).
5. Life suck so bad now but could always get much worse = no point working towards anything / get me out of here asap.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case suicide is certainly all that feels rational, for me ceasing to exist would be the most beautiful release from the evil that is existence. My wish to die is a result of becoming aware of how truly undesirable existence is and how existing is just pointless suffering that is best avoided no matter what.

I have no interest in being trapped in this existence for decades on end that I never wished for in the first place that can potentially get so torturous way beyond how anyone can imagine it to, just to decay and die slowly and painfully from old age.

I'd always prefer to not exist than to have the ability to suffer in this meaningless existence, I only wish for true peace, not the futile and dreadful burden of existing as a human, I don't want to suffer in any way and in existence there is endless potential for suffering.

I find it tragic how life exists at all and I see existence itself as the true problem, more than anything I wish I never existed at all, procreation is such extreme cruelty.

 

[Alltheywanted]

I'm not suited for life, simpliest obligations make me want to literally vomit and cry.

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

No real treatment for autism after my autism diagnosis sealed the deal for me.

I've had passing thoughts of CTB my entire life, but after a bad breakup and being laid off, it's just apparent the normal life - my standard of happiness - is not going to happen because of my health issues, including autism. It's obvious at a certain age why autistic people see it as the only option. Decades of trying to make our brains work in a sensory hell is devastating.

I was thinking I have the ultimate freedom - I have only one person who checks in on me but freedom to just end at any point means my agency to do it is the only thing that matters. Not knowing when is hard, but I know when and where I decide will give me healing. Knowing I get on a plane and land and have my plan is healing.

I have been temporary to people my entire life and they're right - we're temporary to one another. No sense of care any more, so why live?

 

[sunbleachedflies]

No real treatment for autism after my autism diagnosis sealed the deal for me.

I've had passing thoughts of CTB my entire life, but after a bad breakup and being laid off, it's just apparent the normal life - my standard of happiness - is not going to happen because of my health issues, including autism. It's obvious at a certain age why autistic people see it as the only option. Decades of trying to make our brains work in a sensory hell is devastating.

I was thinking I have the ultimate freedom - I have only one person who checks in on me but freedom to just end at any point means my agency to do it is the only thing that matters. Not knowing when is hard, but I know when and where I decide will give me healing. Knowing I get on a plane and land and have my plan is healing.

I have been temporary to people my entire life and they're right - we're temporary to one another. No sense of care any more, so why live?

I couldn't imagine how difficult it must have been for you. I hope you'll find peace in whichever path you take.

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

I couldn't imagine how difficult it must have been for you. I hope you'll find peace in whichever path you take.

Thank you so much. <3 Also dealing with the effects of domestic violence and watching both a partner and a family die in front of me. My ending will be peace. Too much trauma. No more.

I was thinking this morning on my walk 'if you don't interact and don't trust, you won't get hurt and you won't die'. For me it sounds defeated, but I am defeated and knowing I can make that choice has given me a little hope. There is a path forward by wrapping things up and walking away...

 

[divinemistress87]

I can't even do basic tasks without having a mental breakdown everytime

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I never really enjoyed life to begin with. There isn't a single thing about life that I'm passionate about or that I wanted to do voluntarily. I wish that I could NEET in peace away from humanity and not have to do anything at all but sadly that's impossible. From day 1, I always loved being in inertia and taking the path of least resistance. I never did anything beyond the mandatory but unfortunately the things that are mandatory are just too much for me. I can't handle work at all. I can't handle life at all and, honestly, I never wanted to in the first place. I always wished I could have never been born because that to me is the ultimate bliss

I simply have no attachments to life itself and the people who say that I'm alive because I have something in life that I want to live for are absolutely delusional

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

It was never for me to decide. More like a forced necessity.

 

[J&L383]

I can't even do basic tasks without having a mental breakdown everytime

Basic tasks getting harder and harder, I can relate, it's very frustrating!