R
rs929
Arcanist
- Dec 18, 2020
- 402
I have recurrent depression and I think about CTBing a lot.
I remember thinking that making myself ingest some poison that will make my blood brownish is kind of a cruel thing to do, when I was in remission.
But when I'm pain, I feel desperate and I think of CTBing as something compassionate to myself
However, some moments I think I can't be sure 100% what the future holds for me. Maybe, just maybe, there's a slight chance for things to get better, a new revolutionary treatment for depression or something, or miracously meeting someone who will love me. I can't know for SURE that there's nothing worth living for, I know its VERY LIKELY that my life will not improve though
Does this mean that I'm not ready to CTB? Do people who CTB have a 99.9999% final decision made up in their minds?
I remember thinking that making myself ingest some poison that will make my blood brownish is kind of a cruel thing to do, when I was in remission.
But when I'm pain, I feel desperate and I think of CTBing as something compassionate to myself
However, some moments I think I can't be sure 100% what the future holds for me. Maybe, just maybe, there's a slight chance for things to get better, a new revolutionary treatment for depression or something, or miracously meeting someone who will love me. I can't know for SURE that there's nothing worth living for, I know its VERY LIKELY that my life will not improve though
Does this mean that I'm not ready to CTB? Do people who CTB have a 99.9999% final decision made up in their minds?