Maybe I'm dealing with a sociopath or something else, but secretly I wish that person cares.
I'm frantically looking for signs that she's worried about me... but there's none. No mention, nothing. As if I never existed or were part of her life.
I told my friend I'm suicidal and she didn't want to help or hear about it. When I told her that I'm crying, she made it look like I'm asking for pity. All I asked for was compassion and understanding... I guess pity is another way to put it, albeit derogatory.
I can already see the people telling her it wasn't her fault, that it was my decision, that she's not responsible for my actions and the wishes for her recovery from my ctb. People will worry about her mental well-being from my "sudden" ctb while she chose to ignore mine.
She could've done something. I only asked for one little compromise that could've brought me back my purpose in life. The person who raised my hopes and crushed my dreams in the same month can give it back. Someone told me I shouldn't let a person have so much power and control over my fate, but the thing we're talking about (I can't say what it is) is very important to me. I'm more sensitive and emotional than I'd like to admit and fit into the stereotype of the tortured artist.
I no longer have dreams or a purpose. Although I was the one who got hurt, I'm the one who can't sleep at night. My heart and my head hurts.
To the average person, it's not comprehensible how I could cry myself to sleep over a person and ctb because of my passion & purpose. I don't have any other passions, talents or skills.
On the day I leave this world, I will come back with the paintings I created in my last months and then leave. I hope the world becomes a better place without me who's been nothing but a huge burden to people. I didn't expect to die so soon, but I'm evil and will take myself out so everyone can be happy.
I'm frantically looking for signs that she's worried about me... but there's none. No mention, nothing. As if I never existed or were part of her life.
I told my friend I'm suicidal and she didn't want to help or hear about it. When I told her that I'm crying, she made it look like I'm asking for pity. All I asked for was compassion and understanding... I guess pity is another way to put it, albeit derogatory.
I can already see the people telling her it wasn't her fault, that it was my decision, that she's not responsible for my actions and the wishes for her recovery from my ctb. People will worry about her mental well-being from my "sudden" ctb while she chose to ignore mine.
She could've done something. I only asked for one little compromise that could've brought me back my purpose in life. The person who raised my hopes and crushed my dreams in the same month can give it back. Someone told me I shouldn't let a person have so much power and control over my fate, but the thing we're talking about (I can't say what it is) is very important to me. I'm more sensitive and emotional than I'd like to admit and fit into the stereotype of the tortured artist.
I no longer have dreams or a purpose. Although I was the one who got hurt, I'm the one who can't sleep at night. My heart and my head hurts.
To the average person, it's not comprehensible how I could cry myself to sleep over a person and ctb because of my passion & purpose. I don't have any other passions, talents or skills.
On the day I leave this world, I will come back with the paintings I created in my last months and then leave. I hope the world becomes a better place without me who's been nothing but a huge burden to people. I didn't expect to die so soon, but I'm evil and will take myself out so everyone can be happy.
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