How can I use my death as activism for my mother and understanding of those who commit suicide?

[lwlaiet8887]

How can I use my death in a way to support my mother? I'm thinking of making a goodfund me or and some public post about suicide awareness. I really love my mother she's the most amazing person you'll ever meet I just know I can't do any more for her. I have crippling depression, an ill/fragile body, dysmorphia (not really it's literal), PTSD, recently survived a CTB attempt, put myself through physical hell to no avail, been treated like shit most of my life. My dreams for life are just crushed and I'm in a lot of pain. If I know my mother is taken care of I know I can make some kind of impactful change in the world. Fortunately she has a lot of support from a friend and my siblings but she's getting older and is working a tough job. Even after all of my negativity and vitriol she's supported me and understand my pain with no loss of love on her part.
"
I'm so sorry for anything negative I ever said said about you, you're truly innocent and never deserved it. I understand all of the hardship you've had in your life trying to find your way and not coming from the best of circumstance. You have always treated me amazing and have gone out of your way to keep me happy. You have a great sense of humour, are highly emotionally intelligent, have a beautiful innocent soul, are hard working and independent, have given me lots of wonderful experiences, are a great friend too many, a pleasant demeanour and care for all. I hope you find peace in your old age and come closer with the family and that you and X keep your happy productive friendship. I wish I could've been a better son to you in many ways."

I'm not able to CTB any time soon and am trying to fix myself up so her last memories of aren't me in pain but it's hard. It might sound a bit odd but there's some context I can't disclaim and I think it's the best I can do in my last days.

 

[Enlighten]

If she loves you as much as you say she does, trying to fix yourself is the best thing you can do for her.
No amount of money will bring back her child.

 

[lwlaiet8887]

If she loves you as much as you say she does, trying to fix yourself is the best thing you can do for her.
No amount of money will bring back her child.

Thanks man. You know I'm trying I just really hate the way I look and my body is genuinely physically uncomfortable to live in. I have the lanky (6'2) narrow shoulderd thin boned proportions of my father on my 5'7 frame, my mon is 5'5 and stocky but her body is so normal in comparison to mine. It might sound vein but I just want a normal body that doesn't make me physically uncomfortable. The only solution for me is to get Limb lengthening surgery but it's expensive and I don't think I have it in me to try for that. I would be so happy with a normal body. I like the rest of me as well it's just my body composition so fucked up. I literally look like a chimp/neanderthal. You're right though I just feel like such a dissapoint sometimes. I REALLY loved my life up until puberty turned me a bit of a freak. I'm going to try therapy/meds again and I have an appointment with a body specialist soon who should be able to help me in someway. I suffer from suicidal idealation so I feel like I'm walking a very tight rope. I think death is kind of overrated in some way too it's just comforting to try escape from it all. Your comment may have changed the course of my life thanks I suppose.

(I also really wanted to be a soldier and spent years training for it but my health got in the way and my body isn't the most robus t although I used to be extremely physically fit)

 

[Enlighten]

Thanks man. You know I'm trying I just really hate the way I look and my body is genuinely physically uncomfortable to live in. I have the lanky (6'2) narrow shoulderd thin boned proportions of my father on my 5'7 frame, my mon is 5'5 and stocky but her body is so normal in comparison to mine. It might sound vein but I just want a normal body that doesn't make me physically uncomfortable. The only solution for me is to get Limb lengthening surgery but it's expensive and I don't think I have it in me to try for that. I would be so happy with a normal body. I like the rest of me as well it's just my body composition so fucked up. I literally look like a chimp/neanderthal. You're right though I just feel like such a dissapoint sometimes. I REALLY loved my life up until puberty turned me a bit of a freak. I'm going to try therapy/meds again and I have an appointment with a body specialist soon who should be able to help me in someway. I suffer from suicidal idealation so I feel like I'm walking a very tight rope. I think death is kind of overrated in some way too it's just comforting to try escape from it all. Your comment may have changed the course of my life thanks I suppose.

(I also really wanted to be a soldier and spent years training for it but my health got in the way and my body isn't the most robus t although I used to be extremely physically fit)

Don't mention it man, i'm glad i can help. And it's perfectly normal to feel insecure, i think almost everyone is insecure about some part of their body. Being short should in no way downplay your life. For instance, my dad is 168cm (approx 5'6) and he's a great guy who accomplished many things.
Additionally, like you said: Changing you height is extremely difficult. Limb-lengthening surgery is very expensive, invasive and risky aswell. I would really advise against it.
It's good that you're seeking treatment yourself. In the meantime, i'd love to talk to you if you'd like.
I have actually been in the military myself for a short while, so we could talk about that aswell.

 

[lwlaiet8887]

Don't mention it man, i'm glad i can help. And it's perfectly normal to feel insecure, i think almost everyone is insecure about some part of their body. Being short should in no way downplay your life. For instance, my dad is 168cm (approx 5'6) and he's a great guy who accomplished many things.
Additionally, like you said: Changing you height is extremely difficult. Limb-lengthening surgery is very expensive, invasive and risky aswell. I would really advise against it.
It's good that you're seeking treatment yourself. In the meantime, i'd love to talk to you if you'd like.
I have actually been in the military myself for a short while, so we could talk about that aswell.

It's not so much short it's just my proportions. I have no ass, no hips, long arms, narrow shoulders, I literally have my father's exact body on my frame. He used to have difficulty wearing clothes so he'd wear swim tricks and tight clothing over him and got as fat as possible. All he had in terms of weight was a beer belly. I think short and stocky people are badass but I don't really have that build. I know LL is a bit invasive although it's highly successful especially if you don't over do it in which I no way want. Pretty much everything I enjoy is free and I really hate spending money so it's a possibility for me. I'm also quite intelligent I just have no clue what I'd do career wise so I have a lot to think about. If I could wake one day and be perfectly content with my body thec sun would shine from my ass. I don't really think much about the military now it was something I was super passionate about at 16 but managed to overcome I suppose. I know how bad it can be as a life choice and I'm not sure how my body would hold up. I used to be very fit could ruck well, do heavy farmers walks, was good at weighted calisthenics. My physique wasn't ever crazy though but I did have a lot of mass and vascularity. I literally never thought about my height until recently because of my body proportions most people think I'm way taller it's hilarious almost but fucked up and telling of my situation. My mom seems to produce short but stocky people except me, both sisters are only 5'5 but they're huge and can carry a lot of weight and muscle. Genetics are a bitch I guess.

My favourite MMA athletes are short too, I love TJ dilishaw he's short but has an amazing physique and can pack on a lot of weight. His aggressive style of fighting is amazing and he's really got that dog in him.

 

[Enlighten]

It's not so much short it's just my proportions. I have no ass, no hips, long arms, narrow shoulders, I literally have my father's exact body on my frame. He used to have difficulty wearing clothes so he'd wear swim tricks and tight clothing over him and got as fat as possible. All he had in terms of weight was a beer belly. I think short and stocky people are badass but I don't really have that build. I know LL is a bit invasive although it's highly successful especially if you don't over do it in which I no way want. Pretty much everything I enjoy is free and I really hate spending money so it's a possibility for me. I'm also quite intelligent I just have no clue what I'd do career wise so I have a lot to think about. If I could wake one day and be perfectly content with my body thec sun would shine from my ass. I don't really think much about the military now it was something I was super passionate about at 16 but managed to overcome I suppose. I know how bad it can be as a life choice and I'm not sure how my body would hold up. I used to be very fit could ruck well, do heavy farmers walks, was good at weighted calisthenics. My physique wasn't ever crazy though but I did have a lot of mass and vascularity. I literally never thought about my height until recently because of my body proportions most people think I'm way taller it's hilarious almost but fucked up and telling of my situation. My mom seems to produce short but stocky people except me, both sisters are only 5'5 but they're huge and can carry a lot of weight and muscle. Genetics are a bitch I guess.

My favourite MMA athletes are short too, I love TJ dilishaw he's short but has an amazing physique and can pack on a lot of weight. His aggressive style of fighting is amazing and he's really got that dog in him.

I mean, as a guy you don't really need an ass & small hips means it's easier to make your upper body proportionally bigger. I saw a documentary about LL and there the succesrate didn't seem that great, while the suffering defintely was great.
Take your time to figure out what you want to do. I didn't and wasted a lot of time in the process.
I don't really watch MMA myself, but yeah you don't need to be tall to be a mean fighter.

 

[HighFlight]

@lwlaiet8887 - I have to agree with Enlighten. It sounds like you're not 100% sure and therefore should really take some time to consider all of your options.

But going back to your original question about supporting your mom and raising awareness around suicide, I'm not sure ctb will accomplish those things. If these are your goals, then maybe try focusing more on your heart and mind, and look for ways to do both in life. The people you would want to reach regarding suicide awareness are going to relate more to a living person, who is struggling through life for a variety of reason. Unfortunately, after death, you really become a statistic for the pro-lifers. But putting faces and ctb reasons behind the each suicide would, IMHO, be a lot more powerful.

I'm sorry life has dealt you a bad hand physically. But it sounds like you should take your time and think about what you want to accomplish, both in this life and beyond. I hope that you can find some peace in this process, regardless of the path you choose.

 

[lwlaiet8887]

@lwlaiet8887 - I have to agree with Enlighten. It sounds like you're not 100% sure and therefore should really take some time to consider all of your options.

But going back to your original question about supporting your mom and raising awareness around suicide, I'm not sure ctb will accomplish those things. If these are your goals, then maybe try focusing more on your heart and mind, and look for ways to do both in life. The people you would want to reach regarding suicide awareness are going to relate more to a living person, who is struggling through life for a variety of reason. Unfortunately, after death, you really become a statistic for the pro-lifers. But putting faces and ctb reasons behind the each suicide would, IMHO, be a lot more powerful.

I'm sorry life has dealt you a bad hand physically. But it sounds like you should take your time and think about what you want to accomplish, both in this life and beyond. I hope that you can find some peace in this process, regardless of the path you choose.

Thanks I'm doing better. I'm genuinely saving up for LL to hopefully properly proportion my body. I only want 3 inches. It might sound ridiculous but my body is really messed up proportionally and it has made my life very uncomfortable. My dad is so lanky it's unbelievable and I'm a literal clone of him but shorter. That's why tall people and short people shouldn't have kids imo. If I wore lifts you literally couldn't tell and everyone seems to touch think I'm over 6 feet. It's seriously messed up man lol but I'm trying to make the most of things. But yeah my life has been pretty shit which makes me very depressive.

I mean, as a guy you don't really need an ass & small hips means it's easier to make your upper body proportionally bigger. I saw a documentary about LL and there the succesrate didn't seem that great, while the suffering defintely was great.
Take your time to figure out what you want to do. I didn't and wasted a lot of time in the process.
I don't really watch MMA myself, but yeah you don't need to be tall to be a mean fighter.

Appreciate. I'm basically a clone of my dad body wise and he's extremly skinny, narrow and I mean narrow hips, no ass, small joints etc. LL is very legit you just can't over lengthen, many people have it and go from being on the shorter end to tall. 3 inches is very stable and if you do it a professional service you're guaranteed proper after care. For me personally I just want to be comfortable in my own body. I also have a longer then average wingspan for my height so I will be proportional still. I don't really have any interest in buying anything, in the future I just want to go abroad and live cheaply and watch/document wildlife.

 

[Meditation guide]

Well cheer up your personality is really great! I did have a feeling that you had issues like this, so I'm not surprised.

 

[lwlaiet8887]

Well cheer up your personality is really great! I did have a feeling that you had issues like this, so I'm not surprised.

Hope you're banned for harassment it's not something you're new to. "Issuss" whilst you continuously harras people on a suicide forum because they upset you once and they apologised and said it wasn't significant yet you continued. You don't remotely know me, my life or my circumstances. Everything I posted was 100% legit I don't really get what your issue is. You think someone having a debilitating body is funny in anyway? Maybe you find the "gofundme" bit uncouth but I'm desperate and my life is tough and finances aren't easy (not for myself and I don't see any problem with outreach). I don't see a problem with wanting to spread awareness, people have their reasons for wanting to CBT and I think it'd be great to write about such so people can understand.
I find it funny that you want sympathy for your problems but when someone else does the same it becomes an issue. You continually harass people and have even questioned someone's failed CTB attempt. I might be miserable but you're clearly another level of miserable yourself. You just come on here to spew negativity and pick fights. Go to some other social media please and hopefully you end up being banned especially if you continue this. Some of us have tough lives you know and it's nice to vent without having some someone who comes and be abusive because they has a disagreement once. And before you say but you "insulted me" yeah, because you accused someone of being a sexual predator without evidence which the vast majority didn't like, there's nothing wrong with awareness but pointing the finger where it doesn't belong is something else. There was proof in the end of his conduct and I no longer supported them.

@lwlaiet8887 - I have to agree with Enlighten. It sounds like you're not 100% sure and therefore should really take some time to consider all of your options.

But going back to your original question about supporting your mom and raising awareness around suicide, I'm not sure ctb will accomplish those things. If these are your goals, then maybe try focusing more on your heart and mind, and look for ways to do both in life. The people you would want to reach regarding suicide awareness are going to relate more to a living person, who is struggling through life for a variety of reason. Unfortunately, after death, you really become a statistic for the pro-lifers. But putting faces and ctb reasons behind the each suicide would, IMHO, be a lot more powerful.

I'm sorry life has dealt you a bad hand physically. But it sounds like you should take your time and think about what you want to accomplish, both in this life and beyond. I hope that you can find some peace in this process, regardless of the path you choose.

By the way. I didn't mean I was CTBing for my mother, just that she was the only person I had in mind. Also by gofundme I mean community outreach or similar things and I didn't want to put extra financial burden on her by CTB. Pretty much I was questioning how I could secure her if I passed and that whether it would be a good thing to spread your story before you CTB. It's not something that you see often hence I think it'd be helpful for others to know. Just as a wrote the text that I shared, I always like to be transparent on here maybe too much but it's helpful for me.

 

[Enlighten]

Thanks I'm doing better. I'm genuinely saving up for LL to hopefully properly proportion my body. I only want 3 inches. It might sound ridiculous but my body is really messed up proportionally and it has made my life very uncomfortable. My dad is so lanky it's unbelievable and I'm a literal clone of him but shorter. That's why tall people and short people shouldn't have kids imo. If I wore lifts you literally couldn't tell and everyone seems to touch think I'm over 6 feet. It's seriously messed up man lol but I'm trying to make the most of things. But yeah my life has been pretty shit which makes me very depressive.

Appreciate. I'm basically a clone of my dad body wise and he's extremly skinny, narrow and I mean narrow hips, no ass, small joints etc. LL is very legit you just can't over lengthen, many people have it and go from being on the shorter end to tall. 3 inches is very stable and if you do it a professional service you're guaranteed proper after care. For me personally I just want to be comfortable in my own body. I also have a longer then average wingspan for my height so I will be proportional still. I don't really have any interest in buying anything, in the future I just want to go abroad and live cheaply and watch/document wildlife.

Well, looks like you already decided for yourself. I'm sure you did more research that i did, but i just hope you're not blind for the risks. I wish you good luck with the procedure.

 

[lwlaiet8887]

Well, looks like you already decided for yourself. I'm sure you did more research that i did, but i just hope you're not blind for the risks. I wish you good luck with the procedure.

Holy psychosis I'm actually over 6 feet. Just overcame the worst mental health crisis of my life. To long to explain but yeah I've just overcome a severe mental breakdown. Not going to elaborate on it but goodbye SSU. TLDR; severe Depression, lost a lot of weight, went to see a doctor they said I was shorter then I was they said I was 5'7 and I'm around 6'1, lost my mind. Not gonna elaborate but it's all been apart of my spiral of MH. Doing better now hope you all find peace.

 

[Enlighten]

Holy psychosis I'm actually over 6 feet. Just overcame the worst mental health crisis of my life. To long to explain but yeah I've just overcome a severe mental breakdown. Not going to elaborate on it but goodbye SSU. TLDR; severe Depression, lost a lot of weight, went to see a doctor they said I was shorter then I was they said I was 5'7 and I'm around 6'1, lost my mind. Not gonna elaborate but it's all been apart of my spiral of MH. Doing better now hope you all find peace.

Wtf lol. You didn't realize you were that much taller than they say you are? Aint no way somebody could make me believe i'm 5'7 and i'm 6'1 aswell.

 

[lwlaiet8887]

Wtf lol. You didn't realize you were that much taller than they say you are? Aint no way somebody could make me believe i'm 5'7 and i'm 6'1 aswell.

Yeah. I have really bad body dysmorphia. I honestly had no clue I was this tall people always called me tall but it's "relative". TLDR: Doctor got my height wrong (during most recent interview,), lost a shit ton of weight due to depression, ended up as a fucking corpse in my already skinny 6,0/ ,61 so felt fucking minuscule. When you're this tall and skinny it's like being a feather like sometimes I can barely feel my body. Pretty much became insane had/psychosis and attempted to CTB plus all other sorts. My mom convinces me that I'm tall and my body is normal and I just need to gain weight, I'm measured and I'm significantly taller. Uses 6'1 friend as comparison we're the exact same height. I genuinely never knew I was this tall because I'm so skinny, I'm basically built like the caricature of a basketball player but more athletic I suppose. I don't know what to elaborate on it too much but yeah it was an extremely traumatic and enlightening experience. Mental illness is no joke and mine is body dysmorphia. I could elaborate on what caused this spiral but I don't want to because I can't be bothered but I will because it's important to the narrative, just didn't see my body as good enough to be a "soldier" because of my "skinniness", even though I was absolutely jacked at one point according to a friend. I'm extreme body dysmorphia and some misfortune 101. Doing great now and lucky to have survived CTB. I'm a lucky sod I'll admit that. This is my last post on here sorry for anyone who wants to argue. anyone who saw my batshit decline into insanity, blessings to all to find peace in whicheverway. This is not a joke story, I'm leaving SSU now goodbye.

 

[Enlighten]

Crazy