How can I support my friend through a bad relationship?

[prettymenherachan]

I have a friend, who for privacy I will call Crane. Crane is very dear to me. She experiences suicidal ideation, but does not sincerely want to CTB. Sometimes during manic episodes she will try to end her life, but this is not an informed decision and after she comes to she regrets any self harm done.

Crane has a boyfriend and I believe he is making her mental health worse. When he has a bad day, he takes it out on her and sometimes causes her to relapse in turn. He says to her that she is annoying and that he feels like she will eventually CTB anyway so there is little point in helping her through mania, that he does not want her to come to him when she is distressed.

It is quite clear to me that however badly Crane is doing, she would be better off without him in her circle. Lately, all of her episodes have been the result of him. I have pointed this out to her, but she insists that 1. He genuinely loves her, 2. She deserves no better than him, 3. That if she leaves him he will kill himself, something he has told her, and it will be her fault.

Sorry, I suppose this post is as much me blowing off steam as it is asking for advice. I know I cannot convince her to break him off overnight, but how can I support her through this?

 

[JJ53]

I'm sorry to hear about this situation. It sounds like an extremely toxic and unhealthy relationship. How often does he have these bad days? There seems to be an underlying issue, as this behaviour is not normal. Doesn't he realise that being in a relationship means supporting your partner, not just during the good times? This isn't love at all. On top of that, he's threatening to harm himself if she leaves. I hope your friend understands that it's not her responsibility to prevent that; if he were to act on it, it wouldn't be her fault - he would be making that choice. Is there a way for her to keep evidence of his threats, just in case something happens? Unfortunately, there might not be much you can do besides listening and being there for her until she comes to terms with the reality of the situation.

 

[-Link-]

You're in a very difficult spot.

Unfortunately, there might not be much you can do besides listening and being there for her until she comes to terms with the reality of the situation.

Basically, I think this is about all you can do until she's ready to make a change, besides trying to encourage her, within reason, to see the situation for what it is.

If this is taking a toll on you too, I hope there's somebody else you can vent to and lean on if you need it.