Help How can I prevent people from becoming suspicious about my SN?

[Oblivion Lover]

So, I plan on ordering my SN as soon as possible to make sure that it is on my hands in my birthday, however, my mother is currently a terrible threat to my plans. I've never ordered things online before, and after my suicide attempt she might be in alert mode and might inspect anything that I buy before giving it to me. It doesn't help that I mentioned SN on a conversation about suicide just to upset her (I'm not sure if she remembers it, though), and that someone will have to pick up my SN at the post office as there's no home delivery option. That gives her plenty of chances of discovering that what I ordered is a highly toxic substance that can be used to suicide.
I need either an excuse for ordering the SN, or a way to make sure she doesn't even become aware that I bought it. I really can't allow myself to mess up things one more time or my only peaceful method will be gone. Does anyone have an idea of what should I do? Any advice is appreciated as always.

 

[Rhea]

You could just order it and go after the SN yourself? I don't understand how she could find anything out that way. Unless she looks at your expenses daily and has friends at the post office.

 

[Oblivion Lover]

You could just order it and go after the SN yourself? I don't understand how she could find anything out that way. Unless she looks at your expenses daily and has friends at the post office.

Well, theoretically I could, but that would be suspicious as well. She knows that I have social phobia, and I barely go out home these days, let alone interact with people at the post office. Also, the post office is somewhat distant. She'd find it weird if I just went there on my own by walking since I don't know how to drive a car just to pick up some package.

 

[Rhea]

Well, theoretically I could, but that would be suspicious as well. She knows that I have social phobia, and I barely go out home these days, let alone interact with people at the post office. Also, the post office is somewhat distant. She'd find it weird if I just went there on my own by walking since I don't know how to drive a car just to pick up some package.

Oh, I didn't know that, sorry. But sadly it does seem that the only way for this to go unnoticed is to go and get the package somehow when your mother ain't home. I hope other people here are more helpful than me, I honestly have no clue what you should do. But i do know that sending your mother after the package would most definitely result in her finding out what it is.

 

[Oblivion Lover]

Oh, I didn't know that, sorry. But sadly it does seem that the only way for this to go unnoticed is to go and get the package somehow when your mother ain't home. I hope other people here are more helpful than me, I honestly have no clue what you should do. But i do know that sending your mother after the package would most definitely result in her finding out what it is.

It's ok. Thanks for trying to help. I appreciate it.

 

[Soul]

Under the circumstances you describe, might it not be better to find a method that doesn't require ordering hard-to-explain substances by mail? Ordering SN as a present for a hunter friend who's always talking about curing the animals he shoots might work, if you order a DIY home curing instruction book and can produce such a friend if required, but another method might be easier.

 

[Subhuman]

Well, theoretically I could, but that would be suspicious as well. She knows that I have social phobia, and I barely go out home these days, let alone interact with people at the post office. Also, the post office is somewhat distant. She'd find it weird if I just went there on my own by walking since I don't know how to drive a car just to pick up some package.

Can you start going for 'walks'? You could print out an article that says walking for an hour every day is beneficial for depression and show it to your mom. You only have to endure it for a few days until your SN arrives. That way when you go to the post office she'll just think you're going for your daily walk.

 

[calendulo]

Well, according what you say, my advice is so easy. you do nothing, at least using SN or other method......if you have to receive the method at home, guess your Mother do not let any chance. You have a logistic very limited
Search another method.

 

[JimFord99]

Find a hobby which may reasonable explain the use of SN, this stuff is used for more things than curing bacon or fish. Just look online ...

 

[memento_mori]

Hmm I shop online very often so no one is suspicious when I bring in packages.
Maybe pretend you are doing some birthday shopping?

 

[JimFord99]

Agreed. Not very suspicious if you receive deliveries on a regular basis.

 

[Lennox]

As other said, I think you should develop the habit of buying things online and picking them up yourself at the post office. Then the SN will be just one more thing among many (assuming you won't be required to show every damn thing you get to your mom). Books for example, buy one every week or so.

 

[Oblivion Lover]

@Soul
For me, unfortunately, the only other options are partial suspension and CO method. If I fail to get SN I could order the acids nececessary to make carbon monoxide, but that is not ideal for me. I'd hate to die mixing substances in a bathroom. Partial suspension could work too but that is a last resort for me as I find the feeling you have before passing out and the urge to swallow incredibly unpleasant.

@JimFord99
That... Actually sounds like a good idea. Thanks for the suggestion. Maybe saying that it is used for some science-y thing if she asks? I could also buy some other chemical along with it to make it more believable.

@memento_mori
That is a great suggestion as well. I plan on buying some other things online before so that she becomes used to it and doesn't feel the urge to check every single package that she picks up for me. I could also order a ton of things with SN so she has no time to check everything.

I also had some ideas right now about what should I do when it is time to pick up my SN:
1)I don't say anything and pretend this is just a normal package. If my mother remembers what I said about SN I will fake being angry that they sent Sodium nitrite instead of nitrate and ask her to not throw it out so I can get a refund.
2)I say to my mother that I'm ordering a nonspecified chemical that should be handled with care and the package should not be opened. If the package doesn't scream "deadly substance" and has red bold letters saying SODIUM NITRITE I should be fine.
3)I am partially honest and say that I'm ordering a chemical called sodium nitrite for an experiment. She may remember or not remember the name but is less likely to freak out than if she finds out by herself. If she accuses me of ordering it to kill myself I pretend to not remember anything about SN being used for that purpose. She knows that I have memory loss from time to time so it could work.
Which one of these do you guys think it is more likely to work?

 

[JimFord99]

Yeah, there are lots of things SN can be useful for. Google a bit.