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imissmykitten
heart rot
- May 7, 2023
- 71
I have a few ideas in mind but I want to hear others thoughts on it, and also if there is anything I should change about my ideas.
So first I want to say that I know it's impossible to fully get rid of any pain it will bring, but I just want to make it less worse. Although I wish to do it, I do not want to cause a "suicide chain" in my family or terrible sorrow. My mother said that if any of us die, she will kill herself, and I think that my siblings and my father would kill themselves too if I died right now. My youngest sibling especially, we are very isolated because of the way parents raised us, and I am their only friend and person they can trust, and I know they struggle mentally too.
So although I don't know if I'll wait this long, I'm thinking of waiting two or three years until my sibling becomes an adult, so that maybe this way things will have gotten better for them until then and me being not alive won't have as much as a bad effect.
I also am trying to get a job and I am considering saving some money to "spoil" my parents and siblings a bit because, our life for all of us is miserable in general so I thought it could be good to do things such as paying for their vacations and gifts to make life less gloomy and help with the loss.
I will also try to write last notes where I explain there is no guilt needed and my reasons and etc, so that can potentially help shed any light for them.
Or maybe, is it a good idea to cut contact with them and doing it one or two years later so they can forget about me?
Which one is better between basically staying away from them and making them dislike me, or what I said earlier?
Apart from everything I just said, what else can I do and how can I improve my current ideas?
So first I want to say that I know it's impossible to fully get rid of any pain it will bring, but I just want to make it less worse. Although I wish to do it, I do not want to cause a "suicide chain" in my family or terrible sorrow. My mother said that if any of us die, she will kill herself, and I think that my siblings and my father would kill themselves too if I died right now. My youngest sibling especially, we are very isolated because of the way parents raised us, and I am their only friend and person they can trust, and I know they struggle mentally too.
So although I don't know if I'll wait this long, I'm thinking of waiting two or three years until my sibling becomes an adult, so that maybe this way things will have gotten better for them until then and me being not alive won't have as much as a bad effect.
I also am trying to get a job and I am considering saving some money to "spoil" my parents and siblings a bit because, our life for all of us is miserable in general so I thought it could be good to do things such as paying for their vacations and gifts to make life less gloomy and help with the loss.
I will also try to write last notes where I explain there is no guilt needed and my reasons and etc, so that can potentially help shed any light for them.
Or maybe, is it a good idea to cut contact with them and doing it one or two years later so they can forget about me?
Which one is better between basically staying away from them and making them dislike me, or what I said earlier?
Apart from everything I just said, what else can I do and how can I improve my current ideas?
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