How can I get over this extreme jealousy?

[Circles]

I'm just so jealous of other people's lives. Like I'm not asking for much in my pathetic life but I guess having the things that make life worth living is hard as fuck no matter what. To me I just hate how easy things are for some people like it's so fucking easy how normal people have things come their way without effort. Relationships and friendships especially. Being able to fucking talk without being an awkward person. Etc. etc. I'm starting to fucking absolutely hate normal people and I recognize that isn't healthy. I just feel so jealous now that I'm trying to recover and I'm starting to remember some of the reasons why I became so suicidal to begin which is because of this. It's getting worse and worse and I don't know how to let go of this pressure that's boiling up inside of me. And honestly I don't know what the solution is. I feel like I'm going to crash again. I'm starting to hate myself cause I can't put in the effort to do things that normal people do. Like fucking goddamn man.

 

[Umbrella Weather]

I am right there with you. I can't engage with popular movies or television shows precisely because of this issue. It feels omnipresent: Everyone seems to being doing so well—even at the bottom of society—why does every minute of life feel so catastrophic for me compared to this? How am I supposed to relate to this media when it feels so distant and abstracted, whilst proving my failure as a person? Even things as simple as going to the grocery store become so fraught and horrific that any comprehension of how all of these other people are functioning becomes distorted and incomprehensible... How can I be expected to relate to the glamorized version of this life?

It feels intrinsic and the idea that it can be dislodged becomes ridiculous... Hence us being here, I suppose.

 

[demuic]

I just see things as a roll of the dice. They could be considered "lucky" to have been born into the exact set of cirumstances and genes to allow themselves to be succeed in modern society. It's not like its something they earned or worked for. They had just as little control over their circumstances as you or I. I see myself as living in a different world from people like that. I cannot really be jealous of something that was never possible for me.

I don't think there's anything wrong with being resentful about it. As long as it isn't taken out on people undeservedly. It's the natural response of people who have been pushed to the margins of society unwillingly to have negative feelings toward those who have what they don't. It's people who will never understand that struggle that like to tell others to make themselves and their thoughts more socially acceptable because they feel uncomfortable.

Society conditions people to sees anger, jealousy, resentment as a bad thing no matter how justified and thats how they keep the masses docile.

That's my viewpoint.

 

[Water-Lily]

I can relate to this extreme jealousy. Its gotten to a point where I have had to take a break from certain friendships just so I won't say or do something I regret
It hurts when we see other people around us seemingly in a better position than we are. How some people are able to do things an go about life in ways that a vastly different from our own. For me, my jealousy is towards people who had healthy childhoods. One of my friends has loving parents and a healthy childhood. They do have their own struggles (Autism, anxiety, etc). However, they at least seem to have a loving family that gives them to space to express themselves and give them unconditional love. As someone who did not grow up with that, I am insanely jealous

Sadly, many of us are born into circumstances or with conditions that make life much harder than it seems. That includes suicidality.

I think what can help is knowing that, everyone has their problems. It might seem that a person is "perfect" or "doing fine" because they are not seeming to struggle in the way we are. But everyone has their own issues and insecurities we don't see.

It can also help to write down what exactly you are jealous of and see how you can emulate that into your life. For example, if you are jealous of someone who can easily socialize you can make that something to work at. Whether that is joining groups or engaging in activities, you can work at it over time.

 

[unraveling]

I'm just so jealous of other people's lives. Like I'm not asking for much in my pathetic life but I guess having the things that make life worth living is hard as fuck no matter what. To me I just hate how easy things are for some people like it's so fucking easy how normal people have things come their way without effort. Relationships and friendships especially. Being able to fucking talk without being an awkward person. Etc. etc. I'm starting to fucking absolutely hate normal people and I recognize that isn't healthy. I just feel so jealous now that I'm trying to recover and I'm starting to remember some of the reasons why I became so suicidal to begin which is because of this. It's getting worse and worse and I don't know how to let go of this pressure that's boiling up inside of me. And honestly I don't know what the solution is. I feel like I'm going to crash again. I'm starting to hate myself cause I can't put in the effort to do things that normal people do. Like fucking goddamn man.

I stumbled upon the life history of Arnold Schwarzenegger once, whoa do not read that for anyone who has the least bit of insecurities about their own life. His entire life was absolutely magical from start to... well I bet even his death is awesome.

Which is my way of saying, yeah I get it. I couldn't help comparing my own life to his and the comparison made me really sad. i am truly glad for him but geeze, is my life pathetic. I have brought nothing to this world, not one thing. Thinking about his, my whole life feels like one gigantic ball of misery. It's amazing to me how one person can have such a magical life while other people exist in crumpled heaps.

I guess... how do we deal with anything that isn't fair and was never intended to be fair? That isn't why I'm suicidal btw, it's just a bonus.

 

[whatevs]

I am right there with you. I can't engage with popular movies or television shows precisely because of this issue. It feels omnipresent: Everyone seems to being doing so well—even at the bottom of society—why does every minute of life feel so catastrophic for me compared to this? How am I supposed to relate to this media when it feels so distant and abstracted, whilst proving my failure as a person? Even things as simple as going to the grocery store become so fraught and horrific that any comprehension of how all of these other people are functioning becomes distorted and incomprehensible... How can I be expected to relate to the glamorized version of this life?

It feels intrinsic and the idea that it can be dislodged becomes ridiculous... Hence us being here, I suppose.

It likely can be dislodged but only if you manage to lose part or all of your humanity. Meaning, interiorize new values and remove those that are making you suffer. I've have been fantasizing about this the last years, but it doesn't actually materialize. I don't feel human/normal nor I act like one, but I have to endure the torment that human wishes unleash on those that fail to fulfill a modicum of them.

If I could construct and install a new set of values/aspirations in my psyche, I could genuinely stop caring about not having what has never been meant for me. For example, I spent years studying a philosopher nobody knows about (and this is having already entered the first filter, which is that people don't care about philosophers), or researching conspiracy theories.

From these deep dives into niche, solitary interests I derived solid intellectual conclusions that have stood the test of time. If I could rewire my brain to be joyful JUST with the conclusions, with the mere feeling of understanding reality better and the ability to prove it by predictions, but not needy about having many people agreeing with me, I could live more satisfactorily. My brain is still very much social, while also having crucial social regions severely altered. So I actually long more sincerely from fitting in than with having some contrarían view that makes sense to me and being friendless.

This is an example I put of how the things I can actually do (exhaustive research) are not what I actually want (being liked, liking others), and what I actually want I seem unable to do. What I want is very human, and what I can do is more machine-like. If we could rewire our wants to things we actually can achieve we would have hacked happiness.