How can I develop an eating disorder

[justanotherhuman237]

Ok for context I'm a female, 4 foot 11 inches and 119 lbs, which i think is wayyy over an attractive weight. anyways I've always wanted to die but I also want to lose weight. So I thought, what better way to do that than by have some sort of eating disorder! I'm aiming to be about 90 pounds when I die but I can't seem to find a way to do that. I've tried starving myself but I always end up eating something. I really need help on how to develop something. I also sadly still live with my parents despite being 19 so they usually will be able to tell if I'm eating or not. Any advice helps. Thanks!

 

[vanillamilkshakes]

there's no point in developing an eating disorder, as soon as you eat again all the weight will be put back on.

 

[willitpass]

You don't just chose to have one. It is a mental illness. That's like someone asking how to develop depression.

And even if you could, I'm telling you right now you don't want that. It won't kill you quickly like you seem to think. Many with eating disorders live years to decades before it takes them. And as long as you are alive you will be in hell on earth. Think things are bad right now? They'll be 10X worse once an eating disorder is on board. All of your thoughts will be consumed by food and weight. From the moment you wake up to the moment you fall asleep you are thinking about food and number and calories and clothing sizes and how you look in the reflection of the window and how easily your fingers fit around your other wrist.

An average day in my life:
-Wake up at 1am shitting my brains out from the laxatives I took last night. Have my legs go numb while sitting on the toilet from poor circulation.
-Wake up at 4am shitting my brains out from the laxatives I took last night. Apply some aquaphor to my ass because I have a rash like a fucking baby from the constant diarrhea.
-Wake up at 7 and weigh myself after shitting some more. Hate the number on the scale, even if it's my new lowest weight.
-Take body check photos and compare them to old ones for hours.
-Think about how I'm not going to eat anything until noon.
-Noon comes and I tell myself I'll only eat a little bit.
-Eat more than a little bit because my body is starving and I've lost self control. I still ensure it's not very many calories.
-Measure my whole body. Hate all of it.
-Take laxatives to compensate for how much I hate myself even though I know it won't actually cause any weight loss, I'm just addicted at this point.
-Make plans for how little I'm going to eat tomorrow. I may or may not follow through.
-Browse DoorDash for four hours planning meals I won't allow myself to eat. Possibly buy one and binge.
-Go to bed knowing I won't get a good nights rest because I took so many laxatives I'll be up all night shitting.

My hair is falling out. My skin is always dry. My lips are always chapped. I have poor circulation. My ass is raw from the laxative abuse. My bowels don't work properly without laxatives anymore. My electrolytes are all fucked, which hasn't killed me but it makes me feel constantly sick. I'm anemic. I'm always fatigued. I either don't eat anything or I binge, I have no in between and I have lost control over which one it will be at any given moment. And I haven't even come close to my goal weight despite having relapsed over a year and a half ago.

You do not want this. You will not die quickly. And you will be living a life consumed by numbers and food. You will hate life a million times more than you think you do now.

 

[CantDoIt]

Eating disorders will make you look older and less beautiful, if beauty is your concern. You might become gaunt, fat loss can cause sagging skin, poor nutrition reduces skin quality in general, if you get poor circulation that also reduces skin quality and look at people with extreme cases of anorexia. They are in their 30s, 40s looking about 90 years old.

 

[Nikitatos]

Developing an eating disorder seems like a bad idea. It's very, very unlikely to lead to death. It's very likely to lead to lifelong pain.

4'11 and 120 pounds is normal. That being said, I believe long-term fasting is healthy for most people. It's not an eating disorder.

 

[milknife02]

The chance of you ctb by low weight caused by an eating disorder (that you do not have) are so crictically low that it's a non-method. People who pass in such circumstances are 5% extreme cases that last for nearly a decade, sometimes. Actually having an eating disorder is psychological torture. This isn't ctb, it's sh. However- if you want to lose weight dramatically: intermit fasting and only eating one or few types of very low cal food. Eat very little, usually a soup or cereal, and only in the morning. From experience, this is the quickest way but you will feel like shit

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

Sorry but do you think it will help you ctb or what, I don't understand? If so, there are better and quicker methods. Just look at Eugenia Cooney. Still alive and kicking while she is a walking skeleton, has been for years.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

You know, there are healthier and more effective ways to lose weight and those methods usually come with the benefit of not just making you feel good but also ensuring that you keep the weight off. You don't just choose to develop an eating disorder. They are a set of mental illnesses, not some kind of diet trend you can just follow. Eating disorders are incredibly dangerous and a lot of those who suffer from them talk about how their EDs cause them a lot of distress. They can also have an extremely negative impact on your physical health. For example, some people who have anorexia may experience hair loss and people with bulimia may experience tooth decay.

EDs are not a diet plan, they are a set of serious mental illnesses.

 

[CantDoIt]

You know, there are healthier and more effective ways to lose weight and those methods usually come with the benefit of not just making you feel good but also ensuring that you keep the weight off. You don't just choose to develop an eating disorder. They are a set of mental illnesses, not some kind of diet trend you can just follow. Eating disorders are incredibly dangerous and a lot of those who suffer from them talk about how their EDs cause them a lot of distress. They can also have an extremely negative impact on your physical health. For example, some people who have anorexia may experience hair loss and people with bulimia may experience tooth decay.

EDs are not a diet plan, they are a set of serious mental illnesses.

Yeah, I also struggled with an ED briefly in high school. It's really common in people with OCD disorders and it can be a lifelong struggle. I never developed proper eating habits even after recovering.

 

[Worndown]

I don't think it works that way. You get a disorder, not create one.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'd say I've been borderline with binge eating in the past. I've always struggled with food. Honestly though- the mindset with eating dissorders is a nightmare. It's an addiction in whatever form, it can end up consuming your life.

It's not natural to starve yourself so- your body will start demanding food which may trigger a binge which may then trigger a purge and then it's just a hellish cycle of anorexia and bulimia.

If you really want to lose weight, you can do it in a sustainable way following a healthy diet. I lost 5 stone over 2 years once following a low carb diet. Basically what we should be eating- lots of lean protein, vegetables, some complex carbohydrates. Try to cut out sugar and processed foods as much as possible. More of a lifestyle change than a diet.