how can i cope with crippling loneliness

[volnaya_pesnya]

i feel so alone. i do not have any friends, i hate my job, my coworkers hate me because im incompetent, i hate my major and the industry im going into, ive gained so much weight, im becoming an alcoholic, i just feel defeated. i am defeated and tired. im too much of a fucking coward to off myself so im just sitting here, a miserable sack of shit excuse of a human that honestly deserves to be fucking gunned down in the streets. im becoming an alcoholic because i cant deal with any of this anymore, i cant do this. i am so tired. im screaming into the void here probably maybe i dont know anymore, please tell me how i can get better. i tried therapy and it didnt help. i tried meds and it didnt help. i dont know what to do anymore and im about to snap, please just point me in a direction, i dont know what to do anymore

 

[jodes2]

Get a new job, I know it's quite a bit of work but if you're not happy there you can do better maybe find a different therapist, someone who can help you fix your problems one at a time

 

[TraurigerClown]

I know how you feel, im in the same postion, with the difference that i dont have a job right now. Idk if Therapy is a good thing, but my therapist always sucked and meds hadnt worked on me, except stomach pain and sleeping 24/7.
If you like, we can chat and become friends?

 

[Someone123]

i feel so alone. i do not have any friends, i hate my job, my coworkers hate me because im incompetent, i hate my major and the industry im going into, ive gained so much weight, im becoming an alcoholic, i just feel defeated. i am defeated and tired. im too much of a fucking coward to off myself so im just sitting here, a miserable sack of shit excuse of a human that honestly deserves to be fucking gunned down in the streets. im becoming an alcoholic because i cant deal with any of this anymore, i cant do this. i am so tired. im screaming into the void here probably maybe i dont know anymore, please tell me how i can get better. i tried therapy and it didnt help. i tried meds and it didnt help. i dont know what to do anymore and im about to snap, please just point me in a direction, i dont know what to do anymore

Finding a new job is a good idea from a previous post if possible. Also learning how to make friends is the key. I was once vreyt shy and learned to overcome this and make friends. I think watching videos on how to make friends on youtube could give some helpful tips, there are a lot of videos on this topic there that people have put a lot of work into to try to help people like yourself who struggle with this. If you keeep watching a bunch of these you have a good chance to find some ideas that could work for you.

 

[jodes2]

I've had one or two good therapists and a load of shit ones. Some just empathise with you, others are really productive, helping you look at your problems objectively, and mixing one by one, all with proven tools and strategies which you can also learn and internalise for future use.

Pushing people away is a hard pattern to break, but it's possible. You need to analyse each stage of your interactions with people. Am I approaching enough new people? How am I engaging them? How am I maintaining relationships? What can I do to improve each of these steps? What can I do when I feel lonely? Or overwhelmed? What are some helpful strategies?

It might be an idea to think about your alcoholism. Is it a problem? Can you reduce or eliminate the problem? What help is available to do that? What steps could I take?

I know it must seem overwhelming. But just deal with one problem at a time. If something seems to overwhelming, split it up. If you've split it up and you still can't get past a problem, other tools can help, like decision balance analysis, asking advice. A good therapist should be able to help you through any of this.

And as for medication, there are dozens just of antidepressants that could help, each with different side benefits like being helpful for anxiety, or OCD/intrusive thoughts, and some might not help much but others might. And new ones are coming out all the time. It's important to find a combination that works for you.

Maybe you can change your major? Or just get it done and out the way, your career can always take a different path. It's ok to change things. There's plenty of time and options.

You don't deserve to be gunned down! You deserve a rich and fulfilling life. You're a good person. You're trying your best, that's all any of us can do. Just take one step at a time to correct things. Trust your gut in taking one step at a time as you feel ready. Either do the easy things first, or the most productive things first, whatever you can manage. Make a phonecall. Send an email. Ask for support. Change one habit. One day at a time.

I'm sorry you feel so miserable. But you're not a sack of shit. You have so much potential. Youve come this far. You need to give yourself a break. Something has to give, so try to look after yourself. Take proactive steps. Look after your sleep, your diet, and try to do some things you can enjoy. And be easy on yourself. You're coping with a lot, congratulate yourself for that. Pat on the back, and some self love.

 

[Someone123]

As far as being incompetent, it's difficult to be competent in anything without the caring support of the people you work with, so it may not be that you can do this work, but that you need to have the support of your co-workers to do well. Maybe a combination of learning how to make friends at work and possibly working at a different company could help. Depression also makes any work more difficult to do.

 

[UntilTheLast]

Never look down on yourself for not offing yourself - it's not something to be ashamed of. It's not wrong to choose to go, but it's also not wrong to choose to stay. I'm sorry that your life has knocked you down like this, and made you hate yourself so much, instead of lifting you up and helping you to love yourself, like it would have if people and the world were better than they are. I could say "don't be so hard on yourself," or "choose self-compassion over self recrimination" or some shit, but if it were that easy then we'd all do it, and pigs would be flying around and whatnot.

I'm sorry that what's been done to you has knocked you down to this point, and that the efforts that you've made to make things better have been answered with more misery. I know the feeling. In terms of pointing you in a direction, all that I can say is that I've encountered my share of bad therapists - people who couldn't help a dog learn to fetch a stick if their lives depended on it, as well as people who were genuinely well-meaning, but were too stuck in their labels to see me - but that I've also found a couple of really good ones who genuinely helped me. I wouldn't still be here if not for one of them. Sometimes you have to shop around a bit, and have a bad experience or two in order to learn what NOT to look for in a therapist. I've tried meds too - none of them have done shit, at least on the good side of things - on the bad side of things, meds have managed to punch me in my metaphorical fucking face and helped not-at-all. But meds are different for everyone - I've known people who meds have made a huge positive difference for. It really just depends on your situation, and on the luck of your body chemistry and whatnot. But it can be worth shopping around there too.

Religions, spiritual systems, therapeutic approaches, self-help paths - there are a million different people saying a million different things about how people can move forward or whatever. Some of them - a lot of them - aren't worth the paper they're printed on. But some can be useful. Sometimes it comes down to finding a path or a tool that's useful to you on your own. Sometimes it comes down to finding someone that you trust - like a therapist - and having them help you to find what works for you. Sometimes it's pretty quick and easy (or so I'm told, though I doubt that a lot of us would be on this site if that had been our experience). Sometimes it's really, really hard, and takes a really long time. Sometimes every single path leads straight into a brick wall, at which point maybe you have to reevaluate some things. I dunno - I think that more than anything, it comes down to letting go of the things that aren't working. I hope that things get better for you.

 

[Bardo]

Finding a new job is a good idea from a previous post if possible. Also learning how to make friends is the key. I was once vreyt shy and learned to overcome this and make friends. I think watching videos on how to make friends on youtube could give some helpful tips, there are a lot of videos on this topic there that people have put a lot of work into to try to help people like yourself who struggle with this. If you keeep watching a bunch of these you have a good chance to find some ideas that could work for you.

Adding to this, there's a good book called THE ART OF CONVERSATION on the internet archive you can download for free. Another one called THE SELF-ACCEPTANCE PROJECT. Explore the archive. There's a LOT!