How can I change?

[spectraltease]

I am an asshole. I treat persons bad including my girlfriend. I have so much hate in me and I cant control it. I know that I have no right to be like that. I dont want to be like this anymore. I have a big big big ego and I think im always right and I can do anything. I am a control freak and I cant handle to not have control. If you would know me, you would think that i am an asshole, believe me.
I read so many articles about how to change but I can't do it. I want to ask for a personal advice. How to be a better person, how to be not full of hate and judgement. Please please please help me
I would wish you everything bad if you wouldn't greet me after I greeted you. You have a other opinion? I think you are stupid and I want you to know it. You are right and I know it but im defending my opinion because I want to be right etc etc. You are better than me? I hate you so much that I cant sleep. It is so wrong and so bad, I need help.
I have no right to be like this. I have no right to live.

 

[ultrasharpy123456]

You go to therapy. You journal. You write. You practice mental health. You practice mindfulness. You start to become self-aware. You don't have to be a saint, you just have to practice doing the right thing. Go in the mirror everyday for 10-20 mins and tell yourself that you're a good person, you treat people with respect, everyone loves you, everyone wants to be around you. You forgive yourself for the things you've done. You work through trauma and abuse. You learn to process your emotions. You make your intentions clear and set clear boundaries. Practice doing that, find out how to do that. You analyze if the people you are around are good people or not, if they are suitable for you. You can stand up for yourself without being a jerk.

You focus on your jobs and getting money. You focus on your health. You start practicing self-care. You work on self esteem. You give yourself a break because you did only the things you knew how to do at the time. You couldn't possibly have known better. Doesn't make it right, just it is what it is. You stay away from people for a long time until you get yourself together. Maybe you do volunteer work. Maybe you focus on getting a career. Things like that.

Practice your triggers. Everytime you feel angry you go outside and punch a tree. Punch the tree everytime you feel angry and practice deep breathing and holding your breath, and also leaving the situation until you calm down. Journal and vent. Get professional help before it's too late. Genuinely.

 

[spectraltease]

Thank you very much for your kindness. It really helps alot. I will try. Thank you
thank you

 

[ultrasharpy123456]

Was actually gonna delete the comment but you replied before I got to. Didn't think you'd see it, I tend to do that sometimes. Anyways your welcome.

 

[spectraltease]

You go to therapy. You journal. You write. You practice mental health. You practice mindfulness. You start to become self-aware. You don't have to be a saint, you just have to practice doing the right thing. Go in the mirror everyday for 10-20 mins and tell yourself that you're a good person, you treat people with respect, everyone loves you, everyone wants to be around you. You forgive yourself for the things you've done. You work through trauma and abuse. You learn to process your emotions. You make your intentions clear and set clear boundaries. Practice doing that, find out how to do that. You analyze if the people you are around are good people or not, if they are suitable for you. You can stand up for yourself without being a jerk.

You focus on your jobs and getting money. You focus on your health. You start practicing self-care. You work on self esteem. You give yourself a break because you did only the things you knew how to do at the time. You couldn't possibly have known better. Doesn't make it right, just it is what it is. You stay away from people for a long time until you get yourself together. Maybe you do volunteer work. Maybe you focus on getting a career. Things like that.

Practice your triggers. Everytime you feel angry you go outside and punch a tree. Punch the tree everytime you feel angry and practice deep breathing and holding your breath, and also leaving the situation until you calm down. Journal and vent. Get professional help before it's too late. Genuinely.

I just ended therapy because I have to look sane. I would destroy anything if they would know that im not sane and need help.

Was actually gonna delete the comment but you replied before I got to. Didn't think you'd see it, I tend to do that sometimes. Anyways your welcome.

Your response was very helpfull and i think you are very smart and very helpful (no joke). I begin with you. I think you are a great person because you help (not like me) thanks

 

[ultrasharpy123456]

You have to get professional help then. You cannot be around people if you are not sane. Also you're welcome and thanks. It's nice to hear someone actually tell me I'm a good person.

 

[spectraltease]

You have to get professional help then. You cannot be around people if you are not sane. Also you're welcome and thanks. It's nice to hear someone actually tell me I'm a good person.

Yes but I have so much to loose yk. I have to wait till i am Independent and than I will get help. I promise. Thank you

 

[Hollowman]

Get a punching bag, a tree might break your hand.

 

[Whale_bones]

You're already a lot further than many people ever get, just by recognizing and identifying this.

You change bit by bit, little by little. The next time someone doesn't greet you when you greet them, and you start wishing them bad, don't let yourself continue getting angry at them; challenge that feeling. Practice having empathy, think "maybe they just got some bad news and are focused on that, or perhaps they're socially anxious" Start to consider reasons that are neither their fault nor your fault.

You won't immediately shift to being a super empathetic person the first time you do it, but each time you practice, it'll get a little bit easier, until you realize it's happening naturally. The more we indulge our thoughts, the more they naturally spring up, so if you purposely think about others with empathy and respect, while it may feel strange at first, with practice in everyday situations those thoughts will start to become how you truly feel.

 

[spectraltease]

Get a punching bag, a tree might break your hand.

Yes thank you

You're already a lot further than many people ever get, just by recognizing and identifying this.

You change bit by bit, little by little. The next time someone doesn't greet you when you greet them, and you start wishing them bad, don't let yourself continue getting angry at them; challenge that feeling. Practice having empathy, think "maybe they just got some bad news and are focused on that, or perhaps they're socially anxious" Start to consider reasons that are neither their fault nor your fault.

You won't immediately shift to being a super empathetic person the first time you do it, but each time you practice, it'll get a little bit easier, until you realize it's happening naturally. The more we indulge our thoughts, the more they naturally spring up, so if you purposely think about others with empathy and respect, while it may feel strange at first, with practice in everyday situations those thoughts will start to become how you truly feel.

Very helpful words. I always thought I have the right to be cruel and full of hate. My hate is just the hate I have against me and I try to make other people pay for it. Kindness and forgiveness is much better than hate. Thank you very much.

 

[derpyderpins]

I am an asshole. I treat persons bad including my girlfriend. I have so much hate in me and I cant control it. I know that I have no right to be like that. I dont want to be like this anymore. I have a big big big ego and I think im always right and I can do anything. I am a control freak and I cant handle to not have control. If you would know me, you would think that i am an asshole, believe me.
I read so many articles about how to change but I can't do it. I want to ask for a personal advice. How to be a better person, how to be not full of hate and judgement. Please please please help me
I would wish you everything bad if you wouldn't greet me after I greeted you. You have a other opinion? I think you are stupid and I want you to know it. You are right and I know it but im defending my opinion because I want to be right etc etc. You are better than me? I hate you so much that I cant sleep. It is so wrong and so bad, I need help.
I have no right to be like this. I have no right to live.

You're close. A lot of it is acknowledging your own imperfections.

I used to be very arrogant, quick to anger, hotheaded, and unable to really let myself connect with people past surface level. In hindsight, while it's true I was smart, I was just being edgy and seeing everything about myself.

There is a gap between you and other people. You don't see yourself as the same as them. You have to realize you are just a human like they are. Acknowledge your own faults and mistakes. Not in a hypercritical way, but to understand your humanity. Then, you can start being patient and forgiving, because you realize you are also prone to imperfections.

For example, if someone didn't greet me, I'd think of a time I had failed to greet someone because I was nervous and my mind was preoccupied with something else. We're all human, which means we're all weak and mess up. There's a dozen reasons they may have not greeted you other than to slight you, and even if they did it to slight you, it's worth considering what you may have done to cause that feeling.

I hope that's a little helpful. I think the fact that you want to be better means you're almost there. It's time to start valuing the qualities you want to have.

Another example of a different strategy: say someone has a different opinion. You get upset because you place such a high value on having the right opinion. But what if you instead valued patience and understanding? Then, if you can listen to their dumbass idea and politely state why you disagree, you've displayed an even greater type of superiority.... You are above the petty squabbling. Just another thought.