How can a relationship between a smoker and non-smoker work?

[noname223]

Any advices? I don't like smoking. But she Likes to smoke. We will Soon meet for the first time and I am scared I cannot hide that the smell of cigarettes make me uncomfortable. We talked about this issue. I told her our chemistry is that good that I don't think a relationship should fail for this reason. I will have to take time to adapt. By the way maybe our Date might be postponed. She might become ill.

I wonder whether vaping might be a good compromise. If I passively inhale it it will damage me but I am beyond caring I almost killed myself in October. I just don't like the smell.

Anyone with experiences? Is it easy to change from cigarettes to vape? I think vapes don't smell that horrible quite the opposite. But never in my whole life would I vape or smoke myself. I think she is addicted to nicotine. Would a vape be a replacement?

 

[Dot]

Vpe hs defntly bn rplcemnt fr mny ppl & thre = nt th/ sme smll as cigrttes

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Nicotine vapes were originally invented as a tool to quit smoking through e-cigarettes though now there are people getting addicted through those. If you're worried about secondhand exposure to vaping there isn't any bad effects we know of and the smell should just resemble fruity steam like from aromatherapy machines at worst which I imagine for most people is much more preferable to smoke.

That said, just switching to vaping isn't always easy. Depending on how someone developed the habit of smoking and how long they've had it then the mere act of lighting the cigarette and feeling the ashy burn and disgusting chemicals go through your respiratory system is the main appeal while the nicotine is just the delivery mechanism for the addictive behavior. Besides vapes there's also nicotine gum and patches to make quitting easier but like I said, sometimes they just don't scratch the same itch to smokers and they end up falling back.

I say this as someone who does not smoke themself and whose friends all are addicted to nicotine in some form or another. Some have tried quitting for the sake of their relationships but even after years and years, the craving never truly goes away and they'll occasionally have moments of weakness. There's also Zyn pouches which are basically like tiny tea bags that you suck through your gums but I don't recommend this as a method to quit because it basically contains half a pack's worth of nicotine.

I actually did inadvertently end up taking one of these myself and I've managed to not stay addicted to it nor have I consumed any nicotine since then because I'm just too lazy and cheap to bother getting more. Even with this though I was still noticeably more irritable since then and when trying to quit or diminish smoking I would imagine that irritability would put a strain on any relationship so it would be up to the nonsmoking partner to be more aware and patient with the smoking one during these moments.

 

[yowai]

My bf switched to vaping soon after we met, it took a couple months and he smoked cigarettes only for 10 years before that. It makes a big difference, there's no bad smell unless you use strong aromas and there's tobacco flavored vapes too. And second hand smoke is barely harmful, it'd be good for her health to switch, so it's another reason besides you not liking cigarette smoke haha

 

[DevonBostick'sAss]

My ex Bf used to smoke and I didnt. I also HATE the smell and I cannot kiss anyone whos been smoking recently. I made him wash his mouth and chew a gum other than that I got no issues. I also smoke time to time but hate the smell so frickin much its disgusting! The hands also gets smelly I cannot stand it sometimes. If u get together maybe u can mention them that it makes u uncomfy and ask them to wash their hands mouths n stuff

 

[derpyderpins]

One question I guess is just how sensitive you are. I could never, even if she quit, because that smell is in clothes/sheets/car forever.

I think vape is a good idea if she's willing. I know nothing about any of that stuff.

A bad idea is to just power through and become a smoker yourself. You won't notice it after you are one of them. Plus maybe die earlier.

 

[ms_beaverhousen]

I dated a guy who knew I would never date a smoker...
Years later I found out he's a smoker :)
So obviously he didn't smoke in his apartment or I would've picked up on it. Also obvious that he didn't smoke while we were out and about. But he had to have not smoked for a while before seeing me as well as did a thorough job of brushing his teeth beforehand because I never detected a cigarette taste or smell.
My mom smoked and my dad did scole, which they both hated of each other but they made it work. My mom (long-time smoker) at least was able to switch to vaping at least.

Guess it depends on how far someone is willing to go out of their way for another and/or how much one is willing to accept.
You should find out if she has quit in the past or plans to quit.
On Sex & the City the lead quit for her boyfriend. Then later after getting back together he said he'll have to learn to live with it after he caught her "cheating" and smoking again.

 

[LukaParrot]

Oh no.... like "Waterworld", .... smokers!!!!!! Try...little by little.... to make her to stop.

I used to smoke... maybe for 15 years. After I stopped, I didnt believe the changes (45 yo), I could walk a lot easier, go up a street so easily.... and the taste of food... my god.... i was so good.

Vapes are worst than cigarette for your health, there're a lot of teenagers in my country that are losing his lifes or having to take part of the lung due to it just liquified. Maybe because of a bad source of juices? I dont know... but vapes have can have high amount of nicotine... it's like smoking packs in a day.

Do your research if you dont believe in me. If you cant drop, cigarette is still "better"....

 

[Forveleth]

Any advices? I don't like smoking. But she Likes to smoke. We will Soon meet for the first time and I am scared I cannot hide that the smell of cigarettes make me uncomfortable. We talked about this issue. I told her our chemistry is that good that I don't think a relationship should fail for this reason. I will have to take time to adapt. By the way maybe our Date might be postponed. She might become ill.

I wonder whether vaping might be a good compromise. If I passively inhale it it will damage me but I am beyond caring I almost killed myself in October. I just don't like the smell.

Anyone with experiences? Is it easy to change from cigarettes to vape? I think vapes don't smell that horrible quite the opposite. But never in my whole life would I vape or smoke myself. I think she is addicted to nicotine. Would a vape be a replacement?

Say no. If it is really something you are unwilling to comprise on walk away NOW. My partner did this to me the fucker. I told him point blank the first time we talked I did not want to date a smoker and he said he was not one. Except he was and he was just currently trying to quit.

Fast forward six months and we are madly in love and he starts smoking again. I am deeply upset as I hate the smell (and the taste when you kiss someone). He said whatever he had to to keep me around. All sorts of promises. He eventually "quit" but really just secretly switched to vaping behind my back. Found out about that YEARS later. I did not appreciate being lied to.

My biggest problem with dating someone with an addiction is, if push comes to shove, the addiction WILL be more important to them than you. It does not matter what they say, how much they plead, what they promise. Addictions are powerful things and they have full control over the person involved. I never wanted that in my relationship and unfortunately I got it.

Also, thanks to watching him vape for years, I have now picked it up so there is also that.