Venting How badly do you wish to be free from existing?

[FuneralCry]

In my case, I'm always wishing to be gone and I have thoughts about wanting death pretty much every waking moment. It's just the natural response to me existing in this world as I simply despise existing and I don't wish to be aware of any of this. Life itself is just a terrible concept that is harmful to existing beings and I have no interest in it. I don't wish to age and be tortured more by the prison that is the human body, such a thing is something that is disgusting to me and it makes sense to want to avoid it.

The thought of being gone is what comforts me and is what makes sense to me as of course I believe that we simply cease to exist once we die, and everything that this life has burdened us with will be long forgotten about, which is something so ideal. All that life is, is just a tragic mistake, a terrible consequence of evolution. To me it's something so awful having to exist and of course as time goes on what we go through will certainly get worse. There is simply nothing appealing about any of this and I don't wish to associate with existing in any way.

To exist means to suffer and in comparison to die means to be free, and I envy those who manage to ctb as those who choose to exit are preventing all future torment and unnecessary days spent here where there is no limit as to how awful things can get. Suicide solves all problems as it instantly removes the true cause of all of them which is life itself and is voluntarily taking control over a life that we never even asked for. I see existence as being like a punishment that was so unfairly forced upon us, why bring life here just to suffer deteriorate and die anyway. It's something so wrong and cruel considering the fact that finally being free from this world at a time of our own choosing involves such great difficulty. So of course I'm always wishing to be gone and I admire those who choose not to delay their inevitable fate.

 

[HermitLonerGuy]

it varies day by day , right now il rate my suicidal feelings as a 5 . later or tomorrow it could be as bad as around 10 .

 

[wantittoendsoon]

8

 

[disorder]

i just want peace so 10

 

[cyanlove]

I've found myself hating being alive quite often. Maybe 3 out of seven days a week.

Is it normal for other people to feel suicidal? I can't imagine going through life and loving it all the time.

 

[EternalOblivion]

Badly—I've prepared as much as I reasonably could beforehand. All that's left is to go through with it. The only thing holding me back is the possibility of failure. I was found my last attempt too soon.

 

[0000000000000]

Every time i sleep i long to never wake up again, i wish i had a way to do ctb but unfortunately due to various factors right now it's practically impossible for me to do it. it's distressing and frustrating having no way out of this exhausting existence.

Even having terminal cancer would be a blessing for me, i would not mind enduring all the pain that the disease would cause me if i have the assurance that this body will die in a short time.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I don't really want to be alive but it feels like its a lot of hassle for me and others if I ctb. I don't really want to leave anyone I know behind either, if I ctb I have to be the last to go.

 

[dukedoom]

i dont really wanna ctb, but i dont see any other way out of this misery.

 

[Kurushii]

It depends on my mood at the time. If I'm feeling okay at a given moment ctb will not be at the forefront of my thoughts but will still be in the back of my head. Like, "I'm having lots of fun right now but honestly I'd rather be dead" When I'm feeling awful I'll either: feel sad and do nothing, or feel determined and research methods. Existing is harsh and unfortunately I doubt it'll get any better any time soon.

 

[MidnightCat]

If I could end it without hurting anyone I'll be long gone.

It's what drives me.

The heart warming security that I can end it all and rest.

Surprisingly, this is what keeps me alive, I wouldn't be able to take this life without an exit ready to be taken.

However, I just wish I could take it right know. I'm a carcass of what I used to be even depressed. But apparently it's better to be "alive" like this than having a "happy bus ride to hell" for my loved ones.

And if someone's gotta suffer better be me.

So.. I'm rooting for it. But I've not suffered enough for the damage I'll make once I cannot take it anymore.

 

[Meaninglessness]

We are living in a world of cruelty and meaningless suffering. People are bullied. People are suffering from involuntary loneliness. People are homeless. People are starving to death in poor countries. People suffer from health problems for decades. We have war refugees and climate refugees. It is better that I die now than continue living with heath problems in this world of suffering. I wish to be free from this existence. We should all have the right to euthanasia instead of writing here.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I want out. I cant live my ideal life in my ideal body, so I simply don't want to exist.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Honestly like 4/10. I won't do it because I still care about my ex and I fear killing my self will hurt her further as she would blame herself (she's partially to blame but I'd never saddle her with the guilt) and I'm trying to also push through for my mom and some friends that care about me. I know they'd probably move on but I can't imagine putting them through the pain.

 

[vultureilse]

depends on the day. it ranges from me just casually thinking about wanting to be dead and hoping ill pass away in my sleep to living being so painful and unbearable that trying to think about anything other than death becomes impossible

 

[Wannagonow]

Want to go very badly. I have no reservations. No regrets. I want to go. I will go. Fear of failure is lessening. Need to finally select the best method for me and I'm out! Bye-Bye.

 

[Sourdough]

If I had my health, I would enjoy being alive a lot. Regardless I would still rather choose to never be born in any situation.

 

[WhyIsThisSoHard]

When life is the game you can never win, then why play?
Or worse: let fate decide that you played long enough.

8/10 I'd be surprised to make it trought summer.

 

[Shadowlord900]

If there is an after-life and it ends up sucking almost as bad as this one, I think I'd also happily take not existing at all over living another life of misery and pain.

 

[itsallpointless]

I want my ego and karma to die so I can go to nirvana. So in a sense there's a craving for non existence but also there's the existence of craving for something...

 

[Scacie]

I want to go right now, i know its incredibly selfish for me but consequences be dammed. I'm way too tired of suffering and just want it to stop

 

[HadItAll]

I just want to be able to exit reliably whenever I have to.

I can't afford my life getting any worse and not having a good few methods ready to go.

 

[Lost Magic]

I wish to be gone fairly soon. Every day just seems so pointless, empty, painful, and confusing. Nobody will really miss me anyway. I really don't care anyway.