How and why did you start harming yourself?

[shyguy12]

I just cut myself for the first time. I did it on my tight so nobody would see it. I just wanted to punish myself, for idiotic things I did while being drunk this weekend. I'm gonna do this every time I fuck up, in hopes of getting my shit together.

What is your experience with self harm?

 

[catastrophix]

I've been self harming since I was a toddler (albeit, they were mild forms, like picking at my skin until I bled or punching myself). I was 11 when I started to actually cut myself. As a kid, it was to cope w/ CSA, but I started cutting because I still hadn't told anyone about the CSA at that time, and it was just how I coped. Self harm can easily become addictive. At least, it did for me. I'm not gonna tell you to not do it, but just be aware of the risks, because if someone in your life finds out, involuntary hospitalization is an unfortunate possibility :(

 

[DeathToSpiesSMERSH]

I've cut my arms in the past to make "penance" for what I've done to others, I've also taken overdoses of medication knowing it won't kill me, but it'll leave me feeling numb.

Edit - forgot to add a "why", but being autistic, having abusive traits and being severely neglected growing up leaves it's marks

 

[The Eeyorish One]

I don't remember exactly how it started… surprisingly though I resisted trying it until a few years ago. I just remember feeling so overwhelmed by my emotions and just feeling desperate for relief. Sh helps me ground/center myself. I have always been squeamish so I just use that dull hooked end of a nail file (those metal ones attached to nail clippers) to scrape. I like it cuz it's painful but there's no permanent damage and the marks disappear within a day. These days, I sh to try to deal with intense emotions still, but also to punish myself.

 

[sorrowful]

around 8 i found self harm and eating disorder communities online, started engaging in those behaviors and believed i deserved it for not being a good kid

 

[Disappointered]

post-adolescence as punishment for my status as loser, coward and general retard

 

[bunnii]

I started self harming around 12 when I was introduced to sh by a "friend." I still use it as a coping mechanism to this day. Something about the rush is addicting.

 

[Laivirt]

My teacher got mad at me lol.

After that I just gave up on the idea of doing it as punishment. It works better as a dopamine hit instead. Seeing blood all over is just a nice feeling. I don't really know why.

 

[lionetta12]

I just cut myself for the first time. I did it on my tight so nobody would see it. I just wanted to punish myself, for idiotic things I did while being drunk this weekend. I'm gonna do this every time I fuck up, in hopes of getting my shit together.

What is your experience with self harm?

I'd starve myself since age 7 or 8 because I felt bad and got hit and kicked a few times by my mom if I ate so I just stopped and ate the minimum, like once a day sometimes, but could go some days without food. I also started getting body dysmorpia and felt fat when I was a very frail and petite kid so that didn't help. I'd be the only kid at school not bringing lunch with me or not eating it if I had lunch with me, was embarassing to hear my belly growl for 7-8 hours at school in dead silent classrooms, so I chewed a lot of gum to try and keep it to a minimum. I cut myself once on my arm when I was 13 with a razor blade to see if I could handle the pain of stabbing myself to CTB but it really hurt so I didn't do that again. Last time I cut myself was when I was 22 and wheelchair bound for a year. I had been in wheelchair for 9 months and nobody had given me the surgery I needed to be able to walk so I got a sharp scissor and cut a huge 'help me' on my leg and the surgeons just laughed at me when they saw it. It healed nicely, but you can see that there's some slightly raised whiter skin that says 'help me' on there, but you have to look really hard to see it. Barely visable unless you know it's there. Not even my ex ever noticed it. The only self harm I actively have done most of my life and still do is the starvation. It makes me feel in control of something I guess and my body dysmorpia is still bad.

 

[Amakishiyo]

I feel like it started very early for me in kindergarden, with hitting myself when I was frustrated, maybe undiagnosed autism or anything like that, persisted for all that time, also more harmless things like biting lips till they bleed, it was always very calming to me and I love the taste of blood, same as messing with any wounds. Didn't do that much actual cutting, too afraid of getting caught/having it show for too long that hiding it would be difficult, just trying to get away with things that nobody can see from the outside.