Venting Horrible mood swings? attachment issues?

[Abditory]

I'm not sure why, but whenever I start talking to someone and enjoy their company (whether it's in a dating or friendly context), I find myself relying on them excessively for my source of enjoyment or happiness. But then, it becomes obsessive enough that every minute I'm not getting a reply, it's genuinely sending me into a spiral, and it's all I'm thinking about every hour of the day, especially if it seems like they're deliberately ignoring me. It's come to the point where when this feeling occurs for me, I immediately want to sabotage the entire friendship with no explanation and either cuss them out, block them or do something drastic/harmful.

My mind starts coming up with so many thoughts like 'they hate you,' 'you're annoying them,' etc., despite them never expressing these feelings directly to me. But I also don't want to ask about it and come off as needy. I'll go into such a bad spiral, lost in thought, but as soon as they text back, all those negative thoughts immediately fade away? Like my anger was never there to begin with, and I don't even question them ignoring me or anything.

 

[pole]

have always struggled with this sort of thing, which for me, boils down to low self-worth and self-esteem, and a sense of self that does not exist.

I've since gotten better over time, understanding that I do not need anyone. it took a few close relationships though to understand that for me, it's best to be alone. being broken makes me unloveable, and having no identity will always lead to problems persisting wherever I go, with whomever.

it is freeing and peaceful when this doesn't have a chokehold over you anymore. it takes time and experience to find that attitude, and I believe you will.

 

[Abditory]

I've tried to do that many times, but it always ends up with me just becoming more upset or continuing to spiral. I genuinely like to have friendships, but some part of my brain makes me unable to have a normal friendship. I always develop some sort of attachment to one of them. It's come to the point where I've started to research BPD because it's definitely a possibility in my situation, and I've seen family members, such as my own parent, display symptoms and such.

Thank you for your perspective though! :-))

 

[Seered Doom]

I feel this post so much, OP, you deserve a lot better than what's going on for you currently. As someone with reactive attachments and emotional dysregulation, this shit sucks ass and you deserve so much better.

 

[fishlover]

I'm not sure why, but whenever I start talking to someone and enjoy their company (whether it's in a dating or friendly context), I find myself relying on them excessively for my source of enjoyment or happiness. But then, it becomes obsessive enough that every minute I'm not getting a reply, it's genuinely sending me into a spiral, and it's all I'm thinking about every hour of the day, especially if it seems like they're deliberately ignoring me. It's come to the point where when this feeling occurs for me, I immediately want to sabotage the entire friendship with no explanation and either cuss them out, block them or do something drastic/harmful.

My mind starts coming up with so many thoughts like 'they hate you,' 'you're annoying them,' etc., despite them never expressing these feelings directly to me. But I also don't want to ask about it and come off as needy. I'll go into such a bad spiral, lost in thought, but as soon as they text back, all those negative thoughts immediately fade away? Like my anger was never there to begin with, and I don't even question them ignoring me or anything.

god this is exactly what im going through. it sucks so bad. i never choose who i feel this way with, and it always happens suddenly. i try to remind myself that theyre busy, that they dont care about me the same way i do- but it never helps. it hurts and i just want them to say that they hate me so i can move past them. but they say or do something that i latch on to and it just makes me worse and more obsessive.

 

[grungy自殺]

I feel this

 

[Happy Gilmore]

I'm right there with you OP :)

 

[stuckinthemud]

Urgh anxious attachment style….could be part of BPD. I've had it and it's ruined me.

 

[Abditory]

Urgh anxious attachment style….could be part of BPD. I've had it and it's ruined me.

I've been looking into BPD, and it strongly resonates with me. Unfortunately, I can't get a diagnosis because my parent won't allow me to visit a psychiatrist or therapist. :-(

 

[stuckinthemud]

I've been looking into BPD, and it strongly resonates with me. Unfortunately, I can't get a diagnosis because my parent won't allow me to visit a psychiatrist or therapist. :-(

I'm sorry have a look at DBT skills on YouTube. There are also some books on Amazon that may help you

 

[Abditory]

I'm sorry have a look at DBT skills on YouTube. There are also some books on Amazon that may help you

Thank you! I will definitely try looking into this. :-)

 

[cosmic_traveler]

I've tried to do that many times, but it always ends up with me just becoming more upset or continuing to spiral. I genuinely like to have friendships, but some part of my brain makes me unable to have a normal friendship. I always develop some sort of attachment to one of them. It's come to the point where I've started to research BPD because it's definitely a possibility in my situation, and I've seen family members, such as my own parent, display symptoms and such.

Thank you for your perspective though! :-))

We are not an expert but I was going to suggest that you research borderline personality disorder. I'm sorry you're in so much pain. We wish you peace.