Hoping to CTB tonight

[Finallyhere]

I have a court date of 12/4 and I haven't completed my labor hours nor signed up for anger management because I've been too depressed and broke to do much at all. I don't want to go to jail. Unfortunately, California enjoys incarcerating people because it makes money. I'd rather die free than give the government anymore of my time/money.

This isn't the only reason I want to ctb. I have ptsd, psychosis and depression. I am wracked with guilt, regret and remorse. I had so much potential which I destroyed over the past ten years. This year was the worst. I've been given a great life with the best people, but I've ruined it because of my selfish ego and vices. I fell into society's bullshit over and over again.

I have addiction and self-esteem issues. I always feel like an outsider wherever I am. I blame myself and my ego. I'm not strong enough to persist and fail again.

I once felt great passion and empathy for this world, but I no longer connect. I have bad thoughts of doing wicked things and I no longer feel in control of stopping myself. I must kill my demon before it physically harms others. I feel terrible leaving my family behind. I hope they grow together with the strength to start to love each other more. I believe I will be with them again. Someday. Somehow.

Thank you to all who occupy this virtual sanctuary. I'm glad there are people who understand. As I said, I've always been an outsider, but I appreciate all of you.

My method: sleeping pill overdose. 8 grams of otc diphenhydramine Hcl

I know this is not an easy method, considering the delirium and seizures. I hope to be blacked out. From what I've read, people aren't aware of what's happening after the blackout.

Already wrote a lengthy note. Considered doing it at home but I didn't want to be found by my family. Still feel bad they'll wonder where I am. But I plan to park in a dark lot, take all of the pills and black out to some of my favorite music. Don't know if I should eat/drink before but I'm kind of planning on a little fast beforehand. I'd like a last meal but I don't want to vomit.

Can't find any Benzos or antiemetics, but I have muscle relaxers, though I doubt they'll do much. I was wondering if I should maybe buy some Zantac?

Thank you

 

[1234dave]

Best wishes, and peaceful journey..

You sound alot like me, wasted potential, scared of losing control of actions

 

[Kyrok]

Not likely to succeed. How about a gun range rental? Or, tall building?

 

[Finallyhere]

Not likely to succeed. How about a gun range rental? Or, tall building?

Highest I have access to is 8 stories and I don't want to leave behind a splattered corpse. Can't get into a gun range due to my psych ward admission this year.

Why don't you think it will succeed? Ppl have died and od'd off 4800 mg and others who have survived claim the docs said they'd be dead without being saved.

 

[Kyrok]

You'll be well above the LD50, but nausea is common at high doses. Would you estimate your chances of success at 80%, 90%, 95%.

 

[Made4TV]

I worry a lot about not having anti emetics. I'm sorry you've ended up here but wish you peaceful exit.

 

[Finallyhere]

You'll be well above the LD50, but nausea is common at high doses. Would you estimate your chances of success at 80%, 90%, 95%.

So you think it's more than likely?

I worry a lot about not having anti emetics. I'm sorry you've ended up here but wish you peaceful exit.

Thank you. Should I take Pepcid or Zantac? An otc antiemetic?

Best wishes, and peaceful journey..

You sound alot like me, wasted potential, scared of losing control of actions

Sucks to be us. Sorry you can relate, but I'm glad I'm not alone in feeling this way.

 

[Sinbad]

Hopefully your method works without any troubles and no suffering. I hope you find the peace you seek.

 

[worldexploder]

I wish you the best of luck man. Just to inform you, it's incredibly hard to CTB by sleeping pills. I did get a prescription in early 2015 for sleeping pills with the intent to OD. I didn't try to OD on them because I read afterwords that sleeping pills are even harder to CTB on than regular pills. According to LostAllHope ODing has a 6% rate anyway. I did have an online friend who ODed on pills but I never knew what he took.

Anyways, not trying to knock your method and I wish you peace.

 

[Kyrok]

I wish you the best of luck man. Just to inform you, it's incredibly hard to CTB by sleeping pills. I did get a prescription in early 2015 for sleeping pills with the intent to OD. I didn't try to OD on them because I read afterwords that sleeping pills are even harder to CTB on than regular pills. According to LostAllHope ODing has a 6% rate anyway. I did have an online friend who ODed on pills but I never knew what he took.

Anyways, not trying to knock your method and I wish you peace.

Yes, OTC pill overdose is unlikely and if you survive, you might end up in worse shape.

Why not try gun range? At least in my state, they don't do a NICS check.

 

[worldexploder]

Yes, OTC pill overdose is unlikely and if you survive, you might end up in worse shape.

Why not try gun range? At least in my state, they don't do a NICS check.

You know, a gun range may be a good idea. Before my aunt even spilled the beans at the gunshops I passed a NICS test out of requests. The guy over the phone at the gun shop gave it too me.

 

[Jodes]

FWIW, seemed to me like you were a perfect fit here among those who make this sanctuary what it is.

 

[Kyrok]

I'd suggest renting a high caliber revolver, shouldn't jam and better guarantee.
Shoot target a few times first to get feel. Please be aware of anyone else around you too.

 

[Finallyhere]

Yes, OTC pill overdose is unlikely and if you survive, you might end up in worse shape.

Why not try gun range? At least in my state, they don't do a NICS check.

I'm in CA I was told by the mental ward I can't possess a firearm for three years. I don't think it's doable for me.

 

[Retched]

I"m sorry to hear this all man. I also think about that method a lot, but it seems like you have to have all the stars lined up and the moon in a certain position for it to work out with that drug. I have 300 of them taunting me all the time though. I wish you peace.

 

[BurningLights]

A lot of people here will relate, I know I fucked up. Everyone here understands, even if they haven't been through it themselves. We understand my friend. I hope what ever you choose, it's as peaceful as possible. We are very educated on methods and the details, take the time to have a look. Best wishes my friend.

 

[Kyrok]

I'm in CA I was told by the mental ward I can't possess a firearm for three years. I don't think it's doable for me.

That may be so for purchasing. But most states don't do a NICS check for renting. You should try, even just as a dry run.

 

[Retched]

That may be so for purchasing. But most states don't do a NICS check for renting. You should try, even just as a dry run.

do you mean going to a gun range to ctb? renting from them and then just doing it there?

 

[Kyrok]

do you mean going to a gun range to ctb? renting from them and then just doing it there?

I suppose the question is whether you don't want to cause a problem for the gun range owner. My guess is that it will draw media attention, maybe hurt (or help) the gun range's business, etc.. Nevertheless, it seems the most foolproof way to ctb at your disposal.

 

[GeorgeEastman]

A bunch of Benadryl? Won't work, I don't think. Sounds too easy.

I'd rather drive out to the middle of the New River bridge and jump off some night. How about tonight? I would, but it's too far and I've got my fake yogurt here at 9:00. Yeah, I'm still a big chicken shit. That's part of the reason I want to do this to begin with.

 

[Finallyhere]

A lot of people here will relate, I know I fucked up. Everyone here understands, even if they haven't been through it themselves. We understand my friend. I hope what ever you choose, it's as peaceful as possible. We are very educated on methods and the details, take the time to have a look. Best wishes my friend.

Thank you for understanding.

FWIW, seemed to me like you were a perfect fit here among those who make this sanctuary what it is.

That means a lot.

I just took 80 pills with 6 muscle relaxers. Those were hard enough to get down. Don't think I could do stomach another 80. These liqui-gels taste like crap. Going to try and take another 16 to hit my goal of 96 (4800 mg). I don't have many options.

If I'm still around, you will hear from me within a few days. If not, I'm either locked up in a ward, in a coma/hospital or I've found my peace.

 

[Jodes]

This is tough, thank you for sharing only so much I can do, say, but I am here, we'll all be here for you. I'm glad I have the chance. I wish you the best possible

 

[Guutpus]

Thank you for understanding.



That means a lot.

I just took 80 pills with 6 muscle relaxers. Those were hard enough to get down. Don't think I could do stomach another 80. These liqui-gels taste like crap. Going to try and take another 16 to hit my goal of 96 (4800 mg). I don't have many options.

If I'm still around, you will hear from me within a few days. If not, I'm either locked up in a ward, in a coma/hospital or I've found my peace.

Did you survive?