Hopefully, This is Goodbye

[idonothing]

Hi everyone. Tonight I will be attempting full suspension hanging from a tree. I've been telling myself, "tonight is the night" every day for a week now but previously haven't found the courage nor the ability to get into the right mindset to go through with it. However I have really been gearing myself up for it today and am going to try my absolute hardest to make it happen. I have confidence in myself. I'd like to give the biggest thanks to everyone who's ever contributed to providing the information I needed in various old threads and to anyone who's spoken to and helped me out in newer ones. I wish the very best for you all, in life or in death.
This world is such a funny place, isn't it? I'm getting tired of laughing. I made a toast to strength with a glass of vodka this evening. Whether that is the strength necessary for others to find their way and continue living or for the strength to end things on your own terms. Remember to cherish the ones you love while you have them like it's their last day here, or yours. Try your best to practice love and kindness above all else even when this hell we all live in full of endless, repeating cycles of trauma and pain and selfishness makes it seem impossible to do so.

If I make a post within the next day then that will mean something went wrong with the hanging process and it didn't work, but otherwise, feel free to delete my account. Take care!!!

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you find the freedom you search for, best of luck in your plans.

 

[boddibo]

I wish you luck, I'm sorry it has to go that way for you.

Try your best to practice love and kindness above all else even when this hell we all live in full of endless, repeating cycles of trauma and pain and selfishness makes it seem impossible to do so.

Very well said.

 

[Princess_Kitty]

I wish you the best of luck and hope you find peace!

 

[Sleeper System]

I hope your efforts have a favorable outcome for you.
Lament is all you can feel when someone tries to ctb.
Everyone here only wants what's best for you.
Goodbye, if you never return. Welcome, if you find your way back. You're in control.

 

[Some place nice]

I hope you have a peaceful end.

 

[Tears in Rain]

Good luck, hope you find peace.

 

[Mr.Black]

The final stretch.

 

[Redacted24]

Your words about love and kindness are touching, and yes this place would be so much better if there were more. Thank you for sharing your kindness with us. We'll miss you, and wish you find the peace and relief you're seeking.
Bye until we meet somewhere else.

 

[Tokugawa_Yoshinobu]

Farewell!

 

[haibane]

Goodluck for ure method and i hope u will find the peace u are looking for

 

[rozeske]

Farewell! I wish you an easy smooth journey. Hope you find your peace and freedom

 

[idonothing]

Hello again. I fully went through with it, and passed out pretty quickly while hanging for what I assume was a couple minutes, but then the branch of the tree I hung myself from snapped and broke off and I fell to the ground. It took me a bit to fully regain consciousness and become aware of everything around me again. I am full of so much guilt and pain that this didn't work and that my anchor point was not strong enough and that I went through this experience only to end up here again. I am a light girl, weighing at 112 pounds, so I thought that through testing it would work, but I think the tree I chose was weak from dying and decaying. I made sure to tie my rope at a crotch of the tree instead of on the middle of a branch but it still broke. I feel even more of a cursed person than I did before this attempt. I'm going to try again tonight after spending today in the woods searching out a new anchor point and being extra thorough about the tree's strength. I feel very embarrassed that I wasn't successful and am now posting in this thread again….

 

[Imprisoned]

Hello again. I fully went through with it, and passed out pretty quickly while hanging for what I assume was a couple minutes, but then the branch of the tree I hung myself from snapped and broke off and I fell to the ground. It took me a bit to fully regain consciousness and become aware of everything around me again. I am full of so much guilt and pain that this didn't work and that my anchor point was not strong enough and that I went through this experience only to end up here again. I am a light girl, weighing at 112 pounds, so I thought that through testing it would work, but I think the tree I chose was weak from dying and decaying. I made sure to tie my rope at a crotch of the tree instead of on the middle of a branch but it still broke. I feel even more of a cursed person than I did before this attempt. I'm going to try again tonight after spending today in the woods searching out a new anchor point and being extra thorough about the tree's strength. I feel very embarrassed that I wasn't successful and am now posting in this thread again….

Please don't ever feel embarassed or guilty posting here. We're here to support each other through this hell life.

I'm glad you didn't end up in a vegetative state (idk if thats the right word but hopefully ppl will know what I mean). That's just gonna make the pain a trillion times worse and I dont wish it on anybody. Please be very careful next time..

 

[Redacted24]

Agree, there's nothing to be ashamed about, and posting here helpfully contributes to our awareness of things to check.
I'm glad you're not injured. That's a relief.
Have a nice forest walk today.

 

[throneofdispair03]

i hope you find peace. godspeed, my friend

 

[boddibo]

I feel very embarrassed that I wasn't successful and am now posting in this thread again….

Hey hey, you're not the first to fail, you won't be the last, CTBing is hard and you shouldn't be ashamed of yourself. I hope you're okay, we're here for you don't worry

 

[Aim]

Ballsy! Good luck and bon voyage

 

[SaveOurLastGoodbye]

There's no shame in failing, many other people have. I hope you manage to find the peace you're looking for.

 

[Ninja_Master]

Good luck, hope you find peace!

 

[idonothing]

Thank you for the reassurances and understanding, it means a lot. It's hard not to feel utterly ashamed of myself, that is one of the running themes in my life, but it is so appreciated that even a small amount of people out there could understand the feeling of attempting and failing.

I will be back at this until I get it right. Will God keep denying my exit? Am I bound to this plane to do nothing but suffer for him in a mission of lostness towards new exotic manifestations of pain until I pass by chance? Illness or old age? I can't accept that. I cannot live on this plane of existence any longer than I possibly have to. I believe fully in the destruction of my body and mind, to save myself from this pointless excursion into the void that we desperately plead for meaning within. The river of violence that carries us through history will continue onward despite us being here or not, and all of the ones who hurt you for their own benefit and satisfaction will continue as such beyond your will. I see it as an act of self-mercy to opt out of this terrible façade. The human species is doomed to having ultimately selfish Godly delusions and aspirations towards repentance and redemption to relieve itself of wrong-doing, opposing its inherent disgusting animalistic desires, resulting in a terrible cognitive dissonance that inflicts the harshest punishment unto the most vulnerable of its existents. The only two things that unite us are Love and Punishment. Punishment that's inflicted by someone else or by yourself. Love that is accepted by a person all too rare who eventually leaves your life for something more immediately exciting and does not care for the remnants of what they've created for another. I HAVE to make this work. I need to stop experiencing these recurring patterns of brain electrcity that provide me nothing but pain every hour of every day, so that I can return my soul to God and end this parade of excuses.

 

[Dliena]

Wishing you infinite peace in your end.