hope I get killed before I go back to school

[star_0]

highschool was very unbearable for me because most people disliked me and I didn't really have friends. I didn't think life could get any worse. but the one thing I had going for me was good grades. it came naturally to me and I didn't have to study to get 95+ in most classes or do well on exams. now im in my first year of uni and my second semester starts soon. I can say confidently that college is several times worse. I'd give anything to go back to my senior year of hs and I suffered nearly every day back then. not only do I have an arguably worse social life here, but im not intelligent enough to do well like I did before. my hs grades weren't a real accomplishment, I just got lucky. now I actually need to be smart and study, and the most basic courses are killing me. I don't belong here at all and everyone is better than me. praying someone puts a bullet in my head before I pack my bags but I know it won't happen. I already paid tuition anyway so there's no point in wishing. I never wanted this in the first place, I don't care about my major or higher education. I just want to figure out my life and take a break from constant deadlines and endless work. ive put myself in a bad situation

 

[SeonSeia]

Honestly, I relate to so much of this that if someone told me you were future me I might believe them.

I don't know if you want advice, but I'll share some that helped me. I'm sure you know yourself better so take it as you want.

For school: don't put so much pressure on yourself. It's okay if your grades are lower in college than in HS, that's super common actually. It's okay if you fail some classes or get Cs. I can assure you some of the people around you are in much worse places than you assume.

Also, the whole school system is fucked and useless in preparing students for the real world. You don't need to do good. You'll be fine.

For friends: A lot of people are actually very nice, if you talk to them. Don't be afraid to approach people first. Also, your friends don't need to be your age or even people. Some people are content with older company or animals. You might get along better with people in more different situations than you.

It sounds like you could use a break. If you are in a situation where you have support, maybe you could take a gap year or semester to rediscover yourself outside of grades and the social scene.

 

[star_0]

Honestly, I relate to so much of this that if someone told me you were future me I might believe them.

I don't know if you want advice, but I'll share some that helped me. I'm sure you know yourself better so take it as you want.

For school: don't put so much pressure on yourself. It's okay if your grades are lower in college than in HS, that's super common actually. It's okay if you fail some classes or get Cs. I can assure you some of the people around you are in much worse places than you assume.

Also, the whole school system is fucked and useless in preparing students for the real world. You don't need to do good. You'll be fine.

For friends: A lot of people are actually very nice, if you talk to them. Don't be afraid to approach people first. Also, your friends don't need to be your age or even people. Some people are content with older company or animals. You might get along better with people in more different situations than you.

It sounds like you could use a break. If you are in a situation where you have support, maybe you could take a gap year or semester to rediscover yourself outside of grades and the social scene.

unfortunately I can't take a gap year and everyone I talk to I approach first