Holidays suck because of my boyfriend

[trying ungracefully]

He's always late. Not normal lateness, disrespectful lateness. It's been a problem for the whole 5 years I've been dating him and it's bad on normal day but terrible on holidays.

I woke up crying with anxiety because he was supposed to be here this morning to so he gets here before everything so he doesn't have a chance of being late for dinner. Well he's probably going to be late to dinner now and I'm either going to have to wait to eat or have it be all awkward with only him eating. It's just going to be me, my mom, my dad, my brother and maybe my sister.

It has me considering breaking up because I can't handle this and he acts like I'm a bitch or something for wanting reassurance that he is even going to get here at the time he say he is because he says I need to trust him. But he shows always that I can't with time.

I just want good holidays. It feels so lonely.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

Dump him

 

[Dejected 55]

If you're on-time most of the time, you get the luxury of being late sometimes... if you're always late, you never get benefit of the doubt.

I don't subscribe to the over-militant theory that if you aren't 5-minutes early you are already late... but... I do believe early is better than late. Too many people just don't have enough consideration for others.

This annoys me in doctor's offices too, for instance where they tell you that you have to cancel 24 hours in advance BUT I've never had an appointment begin when scheduled. It's always an hour after I get there for my on-time appointment. And I get that sometimes things happen and appointments can run long, but when it happens every time I start to think it is lack of care for my time.

I saw a therapist once... a psychiatrist... I was there for an evaluation that my work wanted years ago... so I was 30 minutes early to make sure I wasn't dinged for being late. I was fine waiting the half hour for my decision to be there early. But I waited another hour after my scheduled time before seeing the doctor. Why? It wasn't because of a previous patient running long. Nope. I saw that patient leave... and a drug salesman showed up to peddle his samples... and the doctor I was supposed to see spent more than an hour with him instead of being on-time to my appointment. BUT I knew if I dared complain about that inconvenience it would have reflected poorly on me in her evaluation so I had to bite my tongue.

I'm usually not in a hurry, and often things don't have to be done 100% on schedule... but if I notice someone habitually not caring enough to be even close to on-time... like, years ago my sister would want me to watch her kids and she would be like "I'll just be gone a couple of hours." but then it would end up being all afternoon and most of the evening... and she'd never call me to tell me why she was late but I was stuck there watching the kids... and often she'd take the car seat with her so IF an emergency had happened and I needed to take the kids somewhere, I couldn't because I didn't have the car seat! And it happened literally every time I ever babysat for her... always 3-4X the time I was expecting to be there... and she never apologized or cared.

I'm not saying you have to break up with someone over it... but from my experience, people who are habitually late, especially if you talk about it and have special plans to be early for a reason... and they still keep being late... it shows they really don't value you or your time very much, and that is going to 100% show up in other aspects of that relationship.

 

[Lady_V]

Start lying about the time shit starts. Or dump his disrespectful ass.

 

[Forveleth]

... dump his disrespectful ass.

This. If him being late is a chronic issue that he is not willing to improve and you are waking up crying with anxiety over his behavior, he needs to go.