Hit my lowest point today

[I want to end it]

I've been on this forum a long time, about 2 and a half years. I've not ctb'd so far mainly because of my mother and being worried for her reaction. I have tried to go on, struggling through life. But today I hit my lowest point and now I am more clear than ever that I will ctb at some point in the near future (when I get sufficient time alone).

I'm not sure what the point of this post is. Has anyone else had a similar moment?

 

[Iwantoknow]

I am sorry to hear you been struggling. I can relate to you about family members and impact on them being big part of why I have not ctb yet.

Do you want to share more why today was lowest point for you?

 

[Ghost2211]

Sorry to hear it's a hard day. You can always reach of if you need a friend. It's hard living for others, and there bad days sometimes. Did something happen to trigger extra sadness today?

 

[Brackenshire]

Sending you a big hug

 

[I want to end it]

I am sorry to hear you been struggling. I can relate to you about family members and impact on them being big part of why I have not ctb yet.

Do you want to share more why today was lowest point for you?

Sorry to hear it's a hard day. You can always reach of if you need a friend. It's hard living for others, and there bad days sometimes. Did something happen to trigger extra sadness today?

Nothing in particular. Sorry I'm being cryptic and not very helpful. Everyone I spoke to on this forum in 2018 has either done it or left. I am still around :/

 

[Brackenshire]

I am glad your still here

 

[Ghost2211]

Nothing in particular. Sorry I'm being cryptic and not very helpful. Everyone I spoke to on this forum in 2018 has either done it or left. I am still around :/

A lot of the people I knew when I first joined are gone too

 

[RealHumanBean]

There have been plenty of moments where I could ctb, but I let them pass by under the guise of doing something good for myself. Every time a new low is reached or additional suffering is experienced, I look back at those moments and regret procrastinating. The spiral only goes downwards. Sometimes faster, sometimes slower. I guess I'll reach the bottom eventually. There's a bottom, right?

 

[I want to end it]

I am glad your still here

Thank you. I'm not :/

A lot of the people I knew when I first joined are gone too ❤

Yes the people with 2018 join dates are all ctb'd or left. Probably only a small handful are left.

There have been plenty of moments where I could ctb, but I let them pass by under the guise of doing something good for myself. Every time a new low is reached or additional suffering is experienced, I look back at those moments and regret procrastinating. The spiral only goes downwards. Sometimes faster, sometimes slower. I guess I'll reach the bottom eventually. There's a bottom, right?

It's been like that for me. The bottom is wherever you personally feel it is.

 

[TheQ22]

A lot of the people I knew when I first joined are gone too ❤

Did they generally leave or ctb?

 

[Ghost2211]

Did they generally leave or ctb?

Yeah, most made goodbyes, but some just stopped posting.

 

[TheQ22]

Yeah, most made goodbyes, but some just stopped posting.

I always wonder how many of the posters here do actually ctb, and how many are here for support until they feel better.

Either way I hope we can all make a difference for them / us.