NormallyNeurotic
(H)C-DID sys | might use "we" instead of "I"
- Nov 21, 2024
- 13
I want to know if anyone here has HC-DID/programming. From what I understand, my system wasn't fully inorganically formed, but we have major programming. We've had alters help deprogramming, but not professional therapist-provided yet. It's fucking Hell.
We have so many programmed alters who are either sexually programmed or have programming relating to sex (ranging from as obvious as an alter who now presents themselves as a fictional sex worker character, to something less obvious at FIRST like how one who is child alter programmed to not understand that abuse is bad presents as PREGNANT in the headspace). I hate that they made us puppets for their desires. It wasn't enough to take my innocence and pureness away, they had to remind me that this is what they did. And if it came down to it, I can't imagine telling the guy I love this. I can't be loved sexually or romantically because I'm the equivalent of a "slut" in body count terms but the equivalent of a "virgin" in learned experience, so I know nothing about "how to do" the sex they put us through. On top of that, the DID itself is probably confusing to him so I believe if I told him everything he just wouldn't even try if I did have a chance. Surely other programmed systems have this right? Craving a relationship and knowing it won't happen?
