My birthday is coming up soon, and with it comes an urge to ctb so much it feels overwhelming. I'm just reminded how I've muddled through another year without anything improving, and I start wondering if it'll be like this for the rest of my life. I feel pathetic for reaching another year when I could have ended everything now and just be at peace. Internally, I'm kind of joking how, at least, my family would only use one day to celebrate my life and death, lessening the times they have to remember me.
Does anyone else feel this way?
Yes, almost every birthday. It is really weird. It makes me realize what you said, that everything is the same and I'm the same unimproved person I was last year. However, I also remember what I have actually grown within myself and that somehow keeps me going.
You have reached another year. You have survived through what and who has tried to tear you down. And that is actually really amazing. But I understand that you don't want to continue having to go through all that adversity and sometimes just having peace is what we want. However, things change, I guarantee that. Maybe not the way you expected to, but they change. Maybe you can focus on little things that changed within yourself and your environment, either them being permanent changes or not.
Hope you can make it to your birthday and eat whatever you want and like. If you ever need anything, we are here:)
Lots of hugs, and if you don't like hugs a lot, Lots of head pats.:)
