burninghill
Student
- Dec 2, 2025
- 132
TL;DR at bottom
The area, a railway, I'm choosing to kill myself is perfect. Dark, round a blind corner, no cameras, very isolated.
It's on the edge of a creek, there's supposed to be a fence that cuts off the path and goes down into the water so that the unfenced areas of the railway can't be accessed (it was a fence in a right angle), but the part that goes into the water fell down years ago, so now you can just walk on through if you go down the beach and the railway is totally exposed.
The problem with this spot is that when the water gets too high, it floods the path to the beach, and I mean FLOODS. One time I told myself I'd wade through the water to get to the tracks if I had to, but it's not possible. I tried. It isn't fair that the tide gets to be in control, I'm doing this because I want control.
Low tide comes around at the right time once every 2 weeks or so. I've got a sweet spot around April 25th and May 11th.
I've got a lot of options, really. 'Catch the train' at a different time, go somewhere else, but this spot is really special. Every time I've attempted it's been the same spot, the same train, same direction at 8pm. There's also only one rail rather than 2, so you can't fuck up too bad.
I was looking at a few spots in Bristol (which is where I'll be going Mid April) where the fences aren't too hard to jump over, or paths going over the tracks don't seem too high to climb down from. The problem is that I'd have to commit. If I fail and get caught, I'm done. I do sort of like the idea of killing myself on a trip, it feels very dramatic.
I don't know, it's difficult. My birthday is a few days after my trip and I told myself last year that there was no way I'd make it to 20, but it feels terrible to kill myself less than a week before. I want to die RIGHT NOW. The anxiety is unbearable.
TL;DR: stuck on dates, the date I choose is also location dependent. Before or after my birthday?
I don't know, this is just a ramble
The area, a railway, I'm choosing to kill myself is perfect. Dark, round a blind corner, no cameras, very isolated.
It's on the edge of a creek, there's supposed to be a fence that cuts off the path and goes down into the water so that the unfenced areas of the railway can't be accessed (it was a fence in a right angle), but the part that goes into the water fell down years ago, so now you can just walk on through if you go down the beach and the railway is totally exposed.
The problem with this spot is that when the water gets too high, it floods the path to the beach, and I mean FLOODS. One time I told myself I'd wade through the water to get to the tracks if I had to, but it's not possible. I tried. It isn't fair that the tide gets to be in control, I'm doing this because I want control.
Low tide comes around at the right time once every 2 weeks or so. I've got a sweet spot around April 25th and May 11th.
I've got a lot of options, really. 'Catch the train' at a different time, go somewhere else, but this spot is really special. Every time I've attempted it's been the same spot, the same train, same direction at 8pm. There's also only one rail rather than 2, so you can't fuck up too bad.
I was looking at a few spots in Bristol (which is where I'll be going Mid April) where the fences aren't too hard to jump over, or paths going over the tracks don't seem too high to climb down from. The problem is that I'd have to commit. If I fail and get caught, I'm done. I do sort of like the idea of killing myself on a trip, it feels very dramatic.
I don't know, it's difficult. My birthday is a few days after my trip and I told myself last year that there was no way I'd make it to 20, but it feels terrible to kill myself less than a week before. I want to die RIGHT NOW. The anxiety is unbearable.
TL;DR: stuck on dates, the date I choose is also location dependent. Before or after my birthday?
I don't know, this is just a ramble
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