Hi

[feeling_the_pull]

Hello. I'm not sure how I should introduce myself so I am posting a thread here. I used to be in and out of depression multiple times a year, but these last several months have been consistently worse and I think about ctb more than I ever have. I am a college student, and my life is definitely not the worst, but I have really bad anxiety, especially when it comes to talking to people. Even when I do make friends, I get lost if I have to navigate a difficult situation and I lose them. I just moved out of my mother's house because I thought that being in a college apartment for my last year would somehow help me find where I belong, but I'm starting to realize that it doesn't matter where I go, because it's more about me. I have a big family, including more than a few siblings, and some of them care about me. But we're getting older and it just doesn't feel like it matters if I'm around them anymore. My sister has always been my closest friend, but she has her own family now. I'm also gay and in the American South, and I know there are worse times and places to be gay, but it's still not popular. I had a few queer spaces to go to that I can't go to anymore because I have an ex that goes to all of them and I don't want things to be weird.

Anyways, that's enough venting. Basically I joined because I have been lurking for months and used the small bits of information scattered on the forum to find DMC, and my order of SN is currently on its way here. I'm not completely sold on using it yet, but ctb is suddenly way more real to me and I figured I would be more than just a lurker.

 

[AwakeTooLong]

Same here mate, my order is on the way and I'm just biding my time now.