Hi, new here...

[SadieStar]

Hi, I'm new here. Have been lurking for a couple weeks but only joined today.

2018 I was diagnosed as Bipolar 1 and also have anxiety, OCD, ADHD and insomnia. I didn't know anything about the condition before then but have done a lot of research on it since and now so much of my past behavior make sense now.

I don't know anyone who has this condition and everything I've read on it has been very discouraging. My depression has become crippling again to where I've been constantly thinking of just giving up which is how I ended up here.

I'm also a sex worker and absolutely hate it but am unable to leave the industry for various reasons. I feel so alone and isolated. I left a very toxic and abusive relationship and had to cut out everyone from my life to have a clean start in a another state (I'm in the US).

I'm sorry if my post is all over. I haven't been sleeping well due to insomnia and my anxiety is at it's worst.

I would love to hear from anyone who is in a similar situation or suffer from the same condition.

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

welcome to ss. i hope you're able to find some comfort here, or someone who shares your experiences.

and don't apologize for your post being all over. this forum is just the place for venting and the like.

 

[Ghost2211]

Hello, welcome. I'm sorry to hear life has dealt you such a difficult hand. I can't relate to your specific situation, but I do sympathize. I hope you find what you're looking for here.

 

[SadieStar]

welcome to ss. i hope you're able to find some comfort here, or someone who shares your experiences.

and don't apologize for your post being all over. this forum is just the place for venting and the like.

Thank you! I'm so glad to find a place where I can talk freely about personal things without fear of judgement.

Hello, welcome. I'm sorry to hear life has dealt you such a difficult hand. I can't relate to your specific situation, but I do sympathize. I hope you find what you're looking for here.

Thank you! I hope to get to know some of you. I love how supportive this forun is.

 

[RealHumanBean]

Hi, I'm new here. Have been lurking for a couple weeks but only joined today.

2018 I was diagnosed as Bipolar 1 and also have anxiety, OCD, ADHD and insomnia. I didn't know anything about the condition before then but have done a lot of research on it since and now so much of my past behavior make sense now.

I don't know anyone who has this condition and everything I've read on it has been very discouraging. My depression has become crippling again to where I've been constantly thinking of just giving up which is how I ended up here.

I'm also a sex worker and absolutely hate it but am unable to leave the industry for various reasons. I feel so alone and isolated. I left a very toxic and abusive relationship and had to cut out everyone from my life to have a clean start in a another state (I'm in the US).

I'm sorry if my post is all over. I haven't been sleeping well due to insomnia and my anxiety is at it's worst.

I would love to hear from anyone who is in a similar situation or suffer from the same condition.

Hello and welcome . I'm pretty new here too. From what I've experienced here it is a safe, judgment-free space. People are kind and gentle, and they have exceptional empathy because everyone here has a shared experience with mental illness. Hope you can find some relief

 

[illbehave]

Hi Honey, glad you made it here. :) :) :) I have an open mind shoot me a msg if you would like to talk.

 

[whywere]

WELCOME!!!! It is so nice to have you as a sanctioned suicide gloabl family member! NO your post was not all over the place at all, heck I have done the same thing to many times to remember. I am so happy that you joined! I hope that you will find that, and I hope the rest of the members think the same, that we all look out for one another, love one another, help out one another and cherish and support each and everyone here! Whatever journey one has in mind love and peace to each and everyone of sanctioned suicide global family members. Again WELCOME and so happy that you joined us here!!!!

 

[nitroautnz]

Welcome, sorry to hear what had been to go through, I'm not in the same situation but I can sympathize :) Im sure you will find the support you looking for here!

 

[AMG44]

Welcome, I'm new here too

Sorry to hear about your situation, and I hope on this forum you can find the help you're after

 

[SadieStar]

Thank you all for the warm welcome. I've been on this forum all day and most of the night. Even though I feel better knowing I'm not the only one with crippling depression I can't help but be sadened by some of the stories.

I don't know what my plans are for myself. I feel like I'm just existing at this point and have been considering suicide for months now but something is holding me back.

 

[XYZ]

Welcome to the forum! I hope you will find the support you need here. I have anxiety and insomnia too among other things. I am sorry to hear you are trapped being a sex worker.

 

[woxihuanni]

Sadly welcome, I am sorry for all you are going through. Do hang around and share with us before you make any irreversible decisions. SS is like no other place.

 

[SadieStar]

Sadly welcome, I am sorry for all you are going through. Do hang around and share with us before you make any irreversible decisions. SS is like no other place.

Thank you. Tbh I have tried several times in the past and each one has left me with more damages to my body and mind. If and when I decide to try again I want to make sure I succeed. Like most people I am terrified of being put in a psych ward. I've been there several times and feel like it's only made me worse.

 

[esse_est_percipi]

something is holding me back.

that could be hope.
I wish for you that your life will get better and that you are able to overcome your current difficulties.
I hope that you will find compassion and support here, whatever you decide to do.

 

[woxihuanni]

Thank you. Tbh I have tried several times in the past and each one has left me with more damages to my body and mind. If and when I decide to try again I want to make sure I succeed. Like most people I am terrified of being put in a psych ward. I've been there several times and feel like it's only made me worse.

Definitely no unsafe attempts. Do first meet people and take a deep breath, you've been bruised enough out there in a cold world.

 

[xLosthopex]

Hi there, I also suffer with OCD & ADHD, as well as Anorexia, bulimia, BPD and autism. I am also a fellow sex worker(stripper & sugar baby), fortunately for me however I love my job, it's actually one of the main things that I will miss when I ctb
Welcome to SS, I've found this to be a wonderfully supportive community <3

 

[Jenn]

Hi, I'm new here. Have been lurking for a couple weeks but only joined today.

2018 I was diagnosed as Bipolar 1 and also have anxiety, OCD, ADHD and insomnia. I didn't know anything about the condition before then but have done a lot of research on it since and now so much of my past behavior make sense now.

I don't know anyone who has this condition and everything I've read on it has been very discouraging. My depression has become crippling again to where I've been constantly thinking of just giving up which is how I ended up here.

I'm also a sex worker and absolutely hate it but am unable to leave the industry for various reasons. I feel so alone and isolated. I left a very toxic and abusive relationship and had to cut out everyone from my life to have a clean start in a another state (I'm in the US).

I'm sorry if my post is all over. I haven't been sleeping well due to insomnia and my anxiety is at it's worst.

I would love to hear from anyone who is in a similar situation or suffer from the same condition.

Hi there, I also suffer with OCD & ADHD, as well as Anorexia, bulimia, BPD and autism. I am also a fellow sex worker(stripper & sugar baby), fortunately for me however I love my job, it's actually one of the main things that I will miss when I ctb
Welcome to SS, I've found this to be a wonderfully supportive community <3

I suffer from ocd as well and I hate it so much. I'm sorry you are going through a rough time. I am too and just joined a couple days ago.

 

[SadieStar]

Hi there, I also suffer with OCD & ADHD, as well as Anorexia, bulimia, BPD and autism. I am also a fellow sex worker(stripper & sugar baby), fortunately for me however I love my job, it's actually one of the main things that I will miss when I ctb
Welcome to SS, I've found this to be a wonderfully supportive community <3

I wish I could say the same. I do erotic massages with happy ending but have a few regulars that I offer full service to. When I started 4yrs ago my plan was to make enough money to start my own business.

I'm fortunate to be attractive and in a place where there really isn't much competition. I could easily make 10-15k a month if I weren't so disgusted with the work itself.

Unfortunately this line of work has only made my mental issues worse. Most of my clients are good people but it only takes one bad one to set me back for months. Too many get attached and I have to cut them off but some are so obsessed they become stalkers. I have clients I haven't seen in 3yrs that still try to contact me, send me threats and other things that only contributes to my paranoia, anxiety and depression.

I wish there was a way I could completely disassociate when taking appts. That would help me get thru each session and motivate me to make enough to get out of the industry and get the psychological help I desperately need.I just don't know how to do this and so I feel trapped.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

Welcome.

 

[Sinkinshyp]

Welcome. I'm sorry things haven't gone well for you.

 

[whywere]

Had to say it again..WELCOME..WELCOME to sanctioned suicide my great global family member!!! I hope you find all the love, happiness and peace that everyone of us here has to give to one another. We are all in this together and my wish and prayer for you is to have all of us help you. I can say from experience, that since I joined this has been my go to and life line and it has truly made a world of difference becasue of all the love and warmth and hope that is here! Again WELCOME and I feel blessed to have you as a global family member.

 

[BPD Barbie]

Welcome love, I hope you find everything you're looking for here. I have bipolar as well and I know how hard it can be to manage. Sending love

 

[almost_dead]

mfort here, or someone who shares your experiences.

and don't apologize for your post being all over. this forum

Hi, I'm new here. Have been lurking for a couple weeks but only joined today.

2018 I was diagnosed as Bipolar 1 and also have anxiety, OCD, ADHD and insomnia. I didn't know anything about the condition before then but have done a lot of research on it since and now so much of my past behavior make sense now.

I don't know anyone who has this condition and everything I've read on it has been very discouraging. My depression has become crippling again to where I've been constantly thinking of just giving up which is how I ended up here.

I'm also a sex worker and absolutely hate it but am unable to leave the industry for various reasons. I feel so alone and isolated. I left a very toxic and abusive relationship and had to cut out everyone from my life to have a clean start in a another state (I'm in the US).

I'm sorry if my post is all over. I haven't been sleeping well due to insomnia and my anxiety is at it's worst.

I would love to hear from anyone who is in a similar situation or suffer from the same condition.

Fuck this Insomnia shit . I haven't had a good sleep in months .

 

[illbehave]

I wish I could say the same. I do erotic massages with happy ending but have a few regulars that I offer full service to. When I started 4yrs ago my plan was to make enough money to start my own business.

I'm fortunate to be attractive and in a place where there really isn't much competition. I could easily make 10-15k a month if I weren't so disgusted with the work itself.

Unfortunately this line of work has only made my mental issues worse. Most of my clients are good people but it only takes one bad one to set me back for months. Too many get attached and I have to cut them off but some are so obsessed they become stalkers. I have clients I haven't seen in 3yrs that still try to contact me, send me threats and other things that only contributes to my paranoia, anxiety and depression.

I wish there was a way I could completely disassociate when taking appts. That would help me get thru each session and motivate me to make enough to get out of the industry and get the psychological help I desperately need.I just don't know how to do this and so I feel trapped.

I really believe some people can disassociate easier than others in this type of work. It is not for everyone. I have known a few people than just could not do it. ut they tried and it ended up eroding their self esteem and took away a bit of their soul. Is their counseling near you for sex workers? I know others its *easy* money, so to speak. Sounds like it is soul-draining for you? I had a job like that. (not in sex work) It was absolutely awful toxic environment.

 

[SadieStar]

I really believe some people can disassociate easier than others in this type of work. It is not for everyone. I have known a few people than just could not do it. ut they tried and it ended up eroding their self esteem and took away a bit of their soul. Is their counseling near you for sex workers? I know others its *easy* money, so to speak. Sounds like it is soul-draining for you? I had a job like that. (not in sex work) It was absolutely awful toxic environment.

I've been to therapy. She was a genuinely amazing person. She didn't specialize in sex work but she was very understanding, compassionate and genuinely wanted to help me. She gave her services free of charge even tho I insisted on paying. She didn't want money to be an issue for me. That really touched me to my core. She wouldn't take pmt from me no matter how I insisted.

I saw her once a week for 2yrs b4 I stopped going. I didn't feel like I was getting better and she was wasting her time when she could be helping someone else. I guess I felt guilty I was taking advantage of her generosity.

If not for my mental health issues I would go back to working doing what I did previously. But my anxiety and depression has gotten to the point where I'm afraid to leave my apartment even for trivial things. When it's really bad like it is now I get anxiety attacks just thinking of doing trivial things such as checking the mail, walking my dogs, grocery shopping, etc..

I see maybe 4 or 5 clients a month and some months none at all bc I feel so bad I can't bear to see anyone. It takes me hours to mentally prepare myself to see a client. I thought maybe if they were younger and attractive I wouldn't be disgusted but I've found it doesn't matter. I've seen many young, attractive, military guys but it doesn't make any difference.

Sorry for the long rant. I'm going on 4 days of no sleep and my thoughts are all over the place. Thank you for taking the time to respond.

Welcome.

Thank you

Fuck this Insomnia shit . I haven't had a good sleep in months .

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with insomnia as well. I wish I could offer a solution but nothing I've tried has worked for me except Ambien. But that comes with side effects that I couldn't deal with.

Welcome love, I hope you find everything you're looking for here. I have bipolar as well and I know how hard it can be to manage. Sending love

Thank you for the warm weather. I am sorry to hear you are also struggling with Bipolar. Are you currently on meds? Therapy? I would be interested in hearing if they've helped or made things worse.