Hi, it s me again..

[Iseeblue_711]

Um...I don t really know how to say this but, I m so...hmm..confused, maybe?I started going to a psychologist who, apparently, doesn t think I have depression or she just isn t sure of it.For now, she thinks I have Borderline Disorder and high levels of Anxiety.I told her about the fact that I harmed myself several times, and she said that I might have been doing it for attention, even tho no one that could stop me knew.Now, I found it weird that she didn t ask me directly if I had thoughts about suicide.I don t think she made any reference indirectly either(even tho I still see it as a solution if things in my life go very wrong).Now, what I m confused about it s that, I feel like this might have been a mistake, like trying to get help, and I don t know why.I m also scared that I might waste a lot of money, and that the recovery would only be temporary and maybe it won t work at all.Also, I can t say that I have enough money to go to therapy sessions more than...10 times, I think.And I m concerned that, that isn t enough and I just wasted money that could ve banyn helpful in the future.I don t know what to do...I feel stuck again.And I know this might sound cheesy to you, in a way, like"I m recovering but I m still complaining because I m an attention seeker", but I can t say that I m a full adult even tho I m 18, and my thoughts and emotions are hard to process sometimes.And I m very bad at making decisions, that s why I always seek reassurance and acceptance from others, even tho that s not exactly healthy.Thank you for reading this, and if you have any advice, I would be glad to hear from you.

 

[LittleJem]

I really am not sure about saying self harm is attention seeking. I haven't looked into it - but I am pretty sure it is linked to brain chemistry and not some kind of sub-conscious strategy. Do you like this therapist and do you feel you have a good rapport and trust and that they could help you?

There are a lot of therapists out there that are quite ignorant about mental illness and might believe their own opinions without having done any research. Here is something I found on one website (https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/publications/truth-about-self-harm ):

This means it's likely that at least two young people in every secondary school classroom have self-harmed at some time. [2] If you are self-harming, you are not alone – lots of information and support is available.

Remember, self-harm isn't a suicide attempt or a cry for attention. However, it can be a way for some people to cope with overwhelming and distressing thoughts or feelings. Self-harm should be taken seriously, whatever the reason behind it.

It is possible to live without self-harm. It is important to know that you won't always feel the way you do now.

With the right help and support most people who self-harm can and do fully recover.
In my experience, therapists are very ignorant of mental illness or how to care for clients who are suicidal. It doesn't mean that they can't help you if you like them - but someone who does not listen to you would concern me.

 

[hoping to lose hope]

Thanks for sharing your experience and welcome to SS.
I first want to say that going based solely what you have said it seems odd for the psychologist to say what he had said.
To even be deemed borderline you have to meet a specific criteria and you can be depressed whilst borderline so perhaps you said enough for her to think you are such?
Sadly the reality is that it can take a while to find the right person for you but if you are borderline or even if you just have issues controlling your emotions you could benefit by asking to do DBT therapy (dialectic behavioural therapy) or even just downloading the materials and trying to learn some of the skills :3
If you do not have the financial standing to find the right therapist it really does seem as if there is no point but do not let that stop you trying to improve.
Improvement starts from within and therapists only really guide us on the right path or give us knowledge we may need.

If you are Borderline than I sympathise because it truly is a terrible disorder... for you and potentially those around you.
Did she think your self harm was for attention because it was very superficial cuts or something?

 

[LittleJem]

From 3 websites I just read (I am currently practising research methods for a friend's psychology project) not one of them said self-harm is attention seeking. They all say it is a coping mechanism. Here are two useful websites re self harm - they are UK based but could be worth looking at wherever you are:

Selfharm.co.uk: a project dedicated to supporting young people who are affected by self-harm. Email: [email protected].

Self Injury Support: provides a young women's text and email service, any age helpline for women who self-harm, UK-wide listings for self-harm support and self-help tools. Email: [email protected].

 

[Weather]

(1) You don't have to have depression to be suicidal or self-harm. Your psychologist could be correct if you do not have other symptoms of depression.

(2) You can not be depressed AND not self harm for attention. My understanding is that self harm can be a complex coping mechanism; meaning, you don't do it for others, but it also doesn't mean you are depressed.

(3) My understanding of borderline personality disorder (I don't have it, but one of my close friends does) is that suicidal thoughts and self harm are often a part of it. So, maybe? I don't know if you meet the other requirements, but your psychologist may not be out in left field here.

 

[hoping to lose hope]

I really am not sure about saying self harm is attention seeking. I haven't looked into it - but I am pretty sure it is linked to brain chemistry and not some kind of sub-conscious strategy.

There is no black and white! people self harm for different reasons.
Some people get a high from self harm and others feel nothing but hate themselves so enjoy punishing their body.
Some people do it for attention and I am not even going to say that is bad because I am not one to judge and have to leave my personal opinions out of it.

There are a lot of therapists out there that are quite ignorant about mental illness and might believe their own opinions without having done any research.

Agree and disagree.
Some are actually quite ignorant to the point where you wonder how they got a qualification and it is clear they do not understand the theories which they are operating with and only repeating the rhetoric found within their guides.
There are others who have their own opinion and if they are skilled and actually intelligent individuals they may be right to disband their conventional process to try something else.

Psychologists are philosophers with a sense of authority and psychiatrists are shamans who are unaware of the mechanics of how their potions work.

From 3 websites I just read (I am currently practising research methods for a friend's psychology project) not one of them said self-harm is attention seeking.

This literally means nothing.

 

[Niftypoint124]

I can t say that I m a full adult even tho I m XX, and my thoughts and emotions are hard to process sometimes.And I m very bad at making decisions, that s why I always seek reassurance and acceptance from others, even tho that s not exactly healthy.Thank you for reading this, and if you have any advice, I would be glad to hear from you.

Something to keep in mind: at your age, your brain is not done developing, and that plays a key role in all of the behaviors you listed. Your prefrontal cortex is only half-done, really, and that's responsible for impulse control, as well as the ability to plan and organize your behavior. These portions of your brain are still developing until age 25--especially the ones used for decision making.

Brain Maturity Extends Well Beyond Teen Years

Under most laws, young people are recognized as adults at age 18. But emerging science about brain development suggests that most people don't reach full maturity until the age 25. Guest host Tony Cox discusses the research and its implications with Sandra Aamodt, neuroscientist and co-author of...

www.npr.org

Brain Development During Adolescence | Lifespan Development

courses.lumenlearning.com

Needing feedback from your peers is common among young people. There's even research being done that shows teens wake and stay up later as part of a biological imperative to congregate with folks your own age to "compare notes" so to speak.

Why teen brains need a later school start time

Sleep deprivation in teenagers as a result of early morning school starts has been a topic of much debate. There’s more to this issue than just laziness.

theconversation.com

Examining the Impact of Later High School Start Times on the Health and Academic Performance of High School Students: A Multi-Site Study

conservancy.umn.edu

See also: Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker

 

[Iseeblue_711]

Thanks for sharing your experience and welcome to SS.
I first want to say that going based solely what you have said it seems odd for the psychologist to say what he had said.
To even be deemed borderline you have to meet a specific criteria and you can be depressed whilst borderline so perhaps you said enough for her to think you are such?
Sadly the reality is that it can take a while to find the right person for you but if you are borderline or even if you just have issues controlling your emotions you could benefit by asking to do DBT therapy (dialectic behavioural therapy) or even just downloading the materials and trying to learn some of the skills :3
If you do not have the financial standing to find the right therapist it really does seem as if there is no point but do not let that stop you trying to improve.
Improvement starts from within and therapists only really guide us on the right path or give us knowledge we may need.

If you are Borderline than I sympathise because it truly is a terrible disorder... for you and potentially those around you.
Did she think your self harm was for attention because it was very superficial cuts or something?

yeah, she said that I might have done it for attention, and then I told her no one knew, then she asked me if that made me feel better, and I said that it made me feel...happy, or even enthusiastic, maybe?in a way, and that was it.She didn t say anything else about it.I also thought that, perhaps she s not the best for me, so I searched for other therapists in my area, but first of all, I truly believe that if I would tell my grandmother that I want to go to someone else, she would tell me to better give up on it altogether.And I can t take that decision myself because I depend on her for the money still, because I m in highschool.Second of all, the others that I ve found don t have so many good reviews as she does, also I was sent to her by the school counselor, so I would be ashamed to not go anymore(we re at the third session already, and I don t think she s like, this big bad wolf that doesn t know what she s talking about, maybe it s my fault because I m very bad at attachments and forming relationships, and I tend to see people for the bad things they ve done/said)
Also also, I hate change with all my heart and it s very hard for me to adapt to changes once I ve started in one direction.I just wanted an advice on how to not feel guilty that I m getting help.Or on how to stop thinking that it would ve been better if I would ve shut up and not bother everyone with my shit.I ve seen myself as weak before, but now even more because I see other people struggling with their own struggles and they don t go to therapy, you know.I m all over the place, I don t even know what to do even if the therapy works, because I didn t think I would be alive this long in the first place(taking into consideration that at the beginning of October I was desperate to get something that I can kill myself with)

 

[hoping to lose hope]

You sound uderageB& but I will ignore and do not care as you want some help to be better.
Well you need to at least ask your grandmother and explain to her the reasons why you want to see a different person to help you.
It would be best to come up with all the reasons before you talk to her so you can express yourself for the best effect.
Are reviews largely relevant? the best psychiatrist I had was one that was hated by his patients usually because his attitude.
for example he would make jokes about people killing themselves in silly ways. :D
You have to come to terms with change if you want to improve. Ask yourself if you are truly happy to feel as you do now.
A big part of getting better is realizing you need to change something.
Who cares if you are weak? or if therapy did not help some other people? They are not you.

 

[Iseeblue_711]

You sound uderageB& but I will ignore and do not care as you want some help to be better.
Well you need to at least ask your grandmother and explain to her the reasons why you want to see a different person to help you.
It would be best to come up with all the reasons before you talk to her so you can express yourself for the best effect.
Are reviews largely relevant? the best psychiatrist I had was one that was hated by his patients usually because his attitude.
for example he would make jokes about people killing themselves in silly ways. :D
You have to come to terms with change if you want to improve. Ask yourself if you are truly happy to feel as you do now.
A big part of getting better is realizing you need to change something.
Who cares if you are weak? or if therapy did not help some other people? They are not you.

I think I seem underage to you because I said that I m still in highschool, well I m 18 and in the final year, so that means that I don t live alone yet, until I finish it and I can t really find a job or anything(due to corona and all that).Also, thank you for taking your time to give me an advice.

 

[Niftypoint124]

I just wanted an advice on how to not feel guilty that I m getting help.Or on how to stop thinking that it would ve been better if I would ve shut up and not bother everyone with my shit.I ve seen myself as weak before, but now even more because I see other people struggling with their own struggles and they don t go to therapy, you know.I m all over the place, I don t even know what to do even if the therapy works, because I didn t think I would be alive this long in the first place(taking into consideration that at the beginning of October I was desperate to get something that I can kill myself with)

Please don't feel guilty for getting help! If anything, I'd say it would make more sense if you felt that way about not seeking assistance when you know you need it. "Bothering" people with your shit is part of being human -- we are ultra-social creatures who need communication and contact with other members of our species to function. People that care about you want you to be okay, or better, or whatever, but more importantly: you want that for yourself! This is huge, given where you say you were at mentally at the beginning of October.

Therapy is not a quick fix, but you should know within 6-8 weeks if you feel you trust the person you're working with to start tackling those dang changes to improve your quality of life. If one therapist doesn't work out, don't think it means none of them will. It's hard to find providers you click with, but doing so is integral to bettering your mental health. I'm glad you stuck around. Talking about it, even if it's just venting to us other SS dweebs, helps! <3

 

[Gnip]

Something to keep in mind: at your age, your brain is not done developing, and that plays a key role in all of the behaviors you listed. Your prefrontal cortex is only half-done, really, and that's responsible for impulse control, as well as the ability to plan and organize your behavior. These portions of your brain are still developing until age 25--especially the ones used for decision making.

Brain Maturity Extends Well Beyond Teen Years

Under most laws, young people are recognized as adults at age 18. But emerging science about brain development suggests that most people don't reach full maturity until the age 25. Guest host Tony Cox discusses the research and its implications with Sandra Aamodt, neuroscientist and co-author of...

www.npr.org

Brain Development During Adolescence | Lifespan Development

courses.lumenlearning.com

Needing feedback from your peers is common among young people. There's even research being done that shows teens wake and stay up later as part of a biological imperative to congregate with folks your own age to "compare notes" so to speak.

Why teen brains need a later school start time

Sleep deprivation in teenagers as a result of early morning school starts has been a topic of much debate. There’s more to this issue than just laziness.

theconversation.com

Examining the Impact of Later High School Start Times on the Health and Academic Performance of High School Students: A Multi-Site Study

conservancy.umn.edu

See also: Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker

Nobody should read Walker's mass marketed book on Sleep without also reading this:

https://guzey.com/books/why-we-sleep/

 

[Niftypoint124]

Nobody should read Walker's mass marketed book on Sleep without also reading this:

https://guzey.com/books/why-we-sleep/

Absolutely, there's very limited fact-checking done by man of these publishers!

 

[mr.smileysad]

It is not about what your therapist says but what you think you have. she doesn't see things the way you do or know the things about yourself you do don't waste your money on a crop therapist find someone that will work for you. However your therapist could be right as well if she doesn't ask you about something you think she needs to know then tell her about it