Hi. I’m new here.

[GunsRfun]

Hello. I had a crippling motorcycle accident 6 months ago. I found this site about 2 months ago and have been reading a LOT of posts since then....
So, the short version of my story is: I had a great life before the accident. I really had it all, a loving wife, my own successful business, nice vehicles, boats and toys.... Now, I'm in a wheelchair and tons of pain. My left arm is completely paralyzed. I can move my legs, but I can't walk.... I will make another post with more details about the accident, including how coded multiple times in the ER.

Since I woke Up from the accident I have been wishing I was not saved. I was dead and saved by EMT and ER workers. I am in SO much pain that the morphine And oxycodone they gave me barely help. Unfortunately, I've been taking so much of those meds that they'd probably be ineffective to use for an end.... I've read through most of the threads in the resource section looking for means to my end. But, I'm really having trouble finding something I can pull off from my wheelchair with one arm

I live with my wife who very rarely leaves me home alone and has to help me with everything. She brings in all mail and watches me closely. I think that is going to make it much harder. But, I want to make sure my first attempt is successful because I might not get another chance if it doesn't.
Thanks for reading

 

[Esc9434]

It takes time to heal. You probably need a strong alternative medicine regime.

The body needs a lot of nutrients to heal itself from catastraphoric injuries like your's.

Where is your current location?

I'll get back to you soon.

 

[GunsRfun]

Hi, thanks the reply.

Yeah. I keep hearing that it takes time. I have been living like this for 6 months already though. I don't think I want to wait years to "hopefully walk with a walker" as I've been told. There is 0% chance of the left arm moving again. I've already had an unsuccessful nerve graft surgery Physically I will never be able to do the things I love again, even in the bedroom. I'm also not able to use the restroom normally from the spinal cord injury.... I am really angry that I was "saved" to be like this. Before the accident I told everyone thatI was not afraid to die, but being crippled was my biggest fear. I had it all before, and since I know how good life can be it really makes it worse being like this.

I really just want a way out of my suffering. My family is also keeping my guns away from me now and I have no way to get a new one. I think a gun or N would be my choice for a painless end, but I don't think I can get either.

 

[Yomyom]

You can try ask from your doctor fentanyl, but the problem is that there is a chance that it won't kill you, because you may develop a resistance to opioids.

 

[Esc9434]

Hi, thanks the reply.

Yeah. I keep hearing that it takes time. I have been living like this for 6 months already though. I don't think I want to wait years to "hopefully walk with a walker" as I've been told. There is 0% chance of the left arm moving again. I've already had an unsuccessful nerve graft surgery Physically I will never be able to do the things I love again, even in the bedroom. I'm also not able to use the restroom normally from the spinal cord injury.... I am really angry that I was "saved" to be like this. Before the accident I told everyone thatI was not afraid to die, but being crippled was my biggest fear. I had it all before, and since I know how good life can be it really makes it worse being like this.

I really just want a way out of my suffering. My family is also keeping my guns away from me now and I have no way to get a new one. I think a gun or N would be my choice for a painless end, but I don't think I can get either.

Understood. I respect your decision. I think you should kick over every stone though. Mainstream medicine doesn't have all the answers. If mainstream medicine does have the answer, then it is going to cost a lot of money which sucks.

Over the last six months, I cured diabetes. Could have saved two loved ones from heart failure and Alzheimer's if intervention would have taken place a lot sooner. All three of those are "supposedly" incurable in the mainstream.

 

[jimbob1000]

Hi , sorry your in this situation, life can be so cruel, one minute everything is great, then all of a sudden everything can change for the worst, it did for me too, once I got ill, I lost everything, it's so unfair

 

[GunsRfun]

Thank you for the suggestion. I do believe in alternative medicine, but also just don't want to go through anything else. I've reached the point of not wanting to try anything else. My wife wants me to have the IVC filter removed now that my blood clots are gone. I told her I've already been through so much that I don't even want to go through that.

I've tried to talk to my family about wanting to be dead.Most of them have said they knew that I would not want to live as soon as the doctor told them my condition. And they were correct! They also say since I survived I have to stay alive because they want me here and suicide is wrong. But I am suffering so much I think that's a little selfish of them. Especially when they know how much I'm suffering Physically and Mentally now.... I had a great life before the accident and now I think it should end. I've made peace with that. I'd like it to end before I forget all the good times.

Hi , sorry your in this situation, life can be so cruel, one minute everything is great, then all of a sudden everything can change for the worst, it did for me too, once I got ill, I lost everything, it's so unfair

Thank You!

You can try ask from your doctor fentanyl, but the problem is that there is a chance that it won't kill you, because you may develop a resistance to opioids.

Thank you. I have been asking for stronger pain meds every time I see the doctor. It took me a long time to get up to what I'm on now.

 

[Esc9434]

Thank you for the suggestion. I do believe in alternative medicine, but also just don't want to go through anything else. I've reached the point of not wanting to try anything else. My wife wants me to have the IVC filter removed now that my blood clots are gone. I told her I've already been through so much that I don't even want to go through that.

I've tried to talk to my family about wanting to be dead.Most of them have said they knew that I would not want to live as soon as the doctor told them my condition. And they were correct! They also say since I survived I have to stay alive because they want me here and suicide is wrong. But I am suffering so much I think that's a little selfish of them. Especially when they know how much I'm suffering Physically and Mentally now.... I had a great life before the accident and now I think it should end. I've made peace with that. I'd like it to end before I forget all the good times.


Thank You!

Understood. It is your choice. I just wanted you to be aware that there were other choices. Good luck.

I think my loved one who passed away just got to the point where he also just wanted to give up.

 

[Yomyom]

Thank you for the suggestion. I do believe in alternative medicine, but also just don't want to go through anything else. I've reached the point of not wanting to try anything else. My wife wants me to have the IVC filter removed now that my blood clots are gone. I told her I've already been through so much that I don't even want to go through that.

I've tried to talk to my family about wanting to be dead.Most of them have said they knew that I would not want to live as soon as the doctor told them my condition. And they were correct! They also say since I survived I have to stay alive because they want me here and suicide is wrong. But I am suffering so much I think that's a little selfish of them. Especially when they know how much I'm suffering Physically and Mentally now.... I had a great life before the accident and now I think it should end. I've made peace with that. I'd like it to end before I forget all the good times.


Thank You!


Thank you. I have been asking for stronger pain meds every time I see the doctor. It took me a long time to get up to what I'm on now.

Than try to replace a doctor, if you say that the morphine doesn't help you, and he ignore it, he shouldn't take care in people

 

[LMFAO FOCKERS]

@GunsRfun

I think your best bet is to convince your wife of your intentions. But it must be done softly over time...

I'd imagine your wife's love for you is strong enough that she would want you to stay with her. But I'd also imagine that her love for you would be so strong that she would NOT want to see you in pain, agony, or a prolonged depressed state.

The way to get there however would be to focus all of your energy on positivity and healing the body.

I too used to ride motorcycles and I have seen many deaths but I have also seen some great recoveries including some with extensive back injuries. Six months is just too short of a time to give the human body to recover which is capable of miraculous things given the appropriate amount of time and energy. The way to potentially get there however is to focus the mind and body's full intentions on positivity, power and healing.

If in 1-2 years after giving it your all, if you only see minimal to no improvement, then I could see your wife being understanding of your decision and perhaps even helping you get the materials to CTB. I doubt she would be so selfish to be ok seeing the man she loves suffering every day. It would be like watching a piece of her soul dying slowly. Most wives would not maintain a position to keep her husband here against his will.

Remember she is also dealing with the accident. It's an adjustment for BOTH of you. And while you may be already there (ctb), your partner needs time to come around to acceptance. This could be a time to express and practice unconditional love, kindness and gentleness toward each other and most importantly toward yourself. It will be difficult at first but it could be a great time of learning, healing and growth until you (and your partner) make your final decision. You never know what could happen in the meantime...

Wishing you strength, power and dynamic healing in mind, body and spirit. ❤❤❤

 

[Hopeindeath!]

My heart goes out to you. Words cannot express how deeply sorry I am for you. I just want to give you a hug.

 

[Esc9434]

@LMFAO FOCKERS Great post!

 

[Dubs]

It can take a while for people to recover physically and emotionally from major life trauma so make sure such a recovery is impossible.

The easiest in my opinion for you is sn. You can scrap the vast majority of the protocol. If you take 30g on an empty stomach you'll die. You can buy it online for $10 and get it delivered discreetly to your house or a friend if you have someone that understanding and willing to help. Also you can't be found for a few hours.

 

[GunsRfun]

@ LMAO FUCKERS Wow, that was a great post! Really made me think.... I think all of your points are valid here.

I do agree with you that it would be a lot better if my wife was onboard with me. I think then I would be more at peace when the time comes... This is something we are starting to discuss. Last night she asked that I at least get my affairs in order before ctb. Including settling my medical bills and making a will (Which I plan to). So, I think we are headed in that direction. However, that request was followed with statements about how sad/disappointed she will be. As well as a statement that she should just die to at the same time.... Believe me, the last thing I want is for her to harm herself because of me!... She suggested we should go to couples therapy, and I agreed. I hope maybe we can both resolve issues related to this, or find some closure. I do love my wife and don't want to hurt her. But, it's so hard to keep going right now.

I hear you about waiting longer to see if I recover more. But, to me just living is the hardest thing I've ever done lately. My odds for recovering more do not look good to me. It's already 100% sure that my left arm will be paralyzed forever. And it doesn't look good for me walking again. Nobody seems to know what my chances of ever using the restroom normally are.

Again. I agree with what you wrote completely. I'm also in so much pain physically and mentally now that waiting that much longer sounds horrible.

@Dubs. I have thought about SN, but I'm still not sure how I feel about it. I have read conflicting reports of how peaceful it is on here. And, it would be very hard to have 4 hours uninterrupted. My wife is always with me. I also can't drive or even get in a taxi/Uber with my wheelchair.

 

[Ghost2211]

That is a terribly unfortunate situation to be in. It is honestly worse to of had a lot and lost it rather than never have the things at all. I can understand why you don't see a lot of hope in life considering the disabilities that were brought on to you by the accident. How does your wife feel about you and your relationship? Does she still love you and treat you the same? Does she still want a future and have hope for a future with you? The reason I ask these questions is because it really does take time to adjust to horrible disability, and with love and support you may find that life becomes a little bit more bearable over time.

I completely understand and respect your decision to CTB. Welcome to the family I look forward to getting to know you.

 

[noko]

Over the last six months, I cured diabetes. Could have saved two loved ones from heart failure and Alzheimer's if intervention would have taken place a lot sooner. All three of those are "supposedly" incurable in the mainstream.

Could you please post how you cured diabetes? I'm very interested in this.

 

[LMFAO FOCKERS]

Could you please post how you cured diabetes? I'm very interested in this.

@noko @Esc9434


Please do not derail OP's post with this story.

FYI - diabetes can be cured with lifestyle changes. It can be found on the internet. Maybe start a new post or PM each other.

 

[noko]

@noko @Esc9434

Please do not derail OP's post with this story.

I'm sorry I didn't think of that. PM is the best option, you are right.

 

[Quarky00]

I have read conflicting reports of how peaceful it is on here. And, it would be very hard to have 4 hours uninterrupted.

Rather peaceful

You only need 1

May ask for stronger opioids with benzo . I understand Oxy not viable OD option due to vomiting .

 

[Lost in a Dream]

Damn, what you are experiencing is the worst thing I could ever imagine going through and I am very sorry that you have to deal with it now. I hope that you can last long enough to see if LMFAO FOCKERS is right about you possibly being able to recover from this, maybe even exceeding the expectations of the doctors. That would be amazing if it turns out to be the case.

They also say since I survived I have to stay alive because they want me here and suicide is wrong.

In your situation, I would NOT be able to tolerate my family members preaching at me like that. I would have said every horrible thing that my mind could possibly think of to them for doing it. They wouldn't ever want to visit me again because the moment they stepped through the door, they would immediately be hit with a barrage of insults and hate. How dare they be so selfish as to demand that you stay alive, merely because they can't accept the idea of you not being around, regardless of how much suffering you have to endure for it?

I'm sorry if I derailed this thread with that rant, but it seems like your wife is the only person who is willing to support your decision to ctb or not, while the rest of your family has a "holier than thou" attitude about this, when they don't even know what it's like to experience your pain. At least having her around will make things easier as time goes on. No matter how this situation ends, I wish the best for you. Good luck.

 

[Esc9434]

Could you please post how you cured diabetes? I'm very interested in this.

I will PM you later.

 

[GunsRfun]

That is a terribly unfortunate situation to be in. It is honestly worse to of had a lot and lost it rather than never have the things at all. I can understand why you don't see a lot of hope in life considering the disabilities that were brought on to you by the accident. How does your wife feel about you and your relationship? Does she still love you and treat you the same? Does she still want a future and have hope for a future with you? The reason I ask these questions is because it really does take time to adjust to horrible disability, and with love and support you may find that life becomes a little bit more bearable over time.

I completely understand and respect your decision to CTB. Welcome to the family I look forward to getting to know you.

Thank you. My wife does still have hope for a good recovery and normal life.... that is despite the doctors originally telling her I had a 1% chance of walking.... I do have movement in my legs down to the knee, so I guess I'm doing better than expected already... Things have been a little different obviously. I have not been able to perform in the bedroom for 6 months, since the accident. So that's also hard on both of us.... But, she helps me get dressed and out of bed every morning and helps me use the restroom and shower and get into bed every night.

Rather peaceful

You only need 1

May ask for stronger opioids with benzo . I understand Oxy not viable OD option due to vomiting .

I love the idea of opiate OD, but with my tolerance I doubt it would work.... I did IV oxy's for a short time in my early 20's. I could probably still do that. But, again I am worried about finding time/somewhere to do it and tolerance.