Hi, I’m new here, here’s my st0ry

[l0sing]

So I'm 27 and for the last 10 years or so I've always battled with depression and anxiety. At first it was mainly social anxiety and always having to go to places with someone or if I was going somewhere new I would check it out on google maps to find out exactly where the entrance was etc. Little things like that I never thought as peculiar until I fully learnt what anxiety was and one day it was like a light was switched on. My depression has always sprung from how I've been treated by certain people and always being made to feel not good enough and that there's always someone just a little bit better out there instead of me.





2 years ago I found who I can only describe as my perfect half. We were the same in every way and he had issues too, but we helped each other, and balanced each other out. I was finally feeling like me again with this person. I felt amazing. I already had a child with my ex (we split due to his behaviour) and I had never wanted anymore children until I got with my new love, he took my son on amazingly and we both really wanted another that was ours even though he looked at my first as his own anyway. We got pregnant!!! It was the best news ever, I finally had my perfect family, everything was perfect in every way. Until... 5 weeks after he was born he got a broken leg... and social services took both my children off me. Fast forward to FIVE MONTHS LATER we finally found out he actually had TWELVE fractures and his dad admitted to having a 'loss of control' while he was being fussy and changing him and that's how the injuries occurred.



Not something any of you were expecting? Neither was I!!!! I trusted this man with everything. And because of him I have lost my children and am at the lowest I've ever been. We are currently in the middle of a court case to see if I can have the children back on my own but I've already told everyone if I don't get them back I will kill my self, and that is honestly how I feel. I've had more mental breakdowns than I ever have before to the point of holding a knife to myself. I've had the police called out because I disappeared and that's how my family then found out about how I truly feel.



I am medicated and see a therapist but honestly the only thing that will ever help me is having my children back. My eldest is at his dads and cries to me so much because he hates it there and just wants to be with me and his little brother, my baby turned 6 months today and I've now missed half of his first year.

 

[ClonesAnnoyMe]

I'm so sorry to hear that, I can't say I understand your pain as I do not have kids but I cannot imagine the pain you feel. Just know this is a safe place and the people here are lovely.

I think you will get your children back as you have been responsible, it is understandable you feel this way.
Please keep your head up
You got this

Please don't CTB, we are all hear to support you regardless but just know that we care about your safety

 

[l0sing]

I'm so sorry to hear that, I can't say I understand your pain as I do not have kids but I cannot imagine the pain you feel. Just know this is a safe place and the people here are lovely.

I think you will get your children back as you have been responsible, it is understandable you feel this way.
Please keep your head up
You got this

Please don't CTB, we are all hear to support you regardless but just know that we care about your safety

thank you! I'm glad I've found a place I can vent and speak to people like me as my family don't understand and I just feel like a burden on them.

 

[ClonesAnnoyMe]

You will never be a burden here! I'm sure you're not a burden as nobody can expect you to feel any differently, please keep us updated!

 

[l0sing]

You will never be a burden here! I'm sure you're not a burden as nobody can expect you to feel any differently, please keep us updated!

thank you for the positivity!

 

[Suicide_vampire]

Hey there, I read your story and wanted to say welcome. I'm new here also just joined yesterday, I posted my story too but it's probably been bumped of the first page by now.
I just wanted to say we are here for you and in a very non-judgmental way. Feel free to share as much or as little as you feel comfortable doing.
I think it's good that you have your children to work towards. I don't know if it's possible but would your ex not be willing to make a statement stating you had no involvement in the injuries, just a thought.
Well I wish you luck and remember we are here for each other.

 

[l0sing]

Hey there, I read your story and wanted to say welcome. I'm new here also just joined yesterday, I posted my story too but it's probably been bumped of the first page by now.
I just wanted to say we are here for you and in a very non-judgmental way. Feel free to share as much or as little as you feel comfortable doing.
I think it's good that you have your children to work towards. I don't know if it's possible but would your ex not be willing to make a statement stating you had no involvement in the injuries, just a thought.
Well I wish you luck and remember we are here for each other.

hey! Thank you so much for the kind words, it really means a lot. I had a little scroll and found your post, I'm so sorry to hear about your late diagnosis, I hope you'll soon come to grips and find the help you should of had a long time ago. Regarding what you've asked about him making a statement, he made it abundantly clear I had no involvement nor any knowledge of what happened but it's out of my hands in up to the ss (as my dad puts it) and the judge to decide if that's true or not. Thank you

 

[Suicide_vampire]

Sorry to hear that, I don't have kids myself, so can't fully understand. I know how terrible the UK system is because of mistakes social work departments have made in the past they tend to be over aggressive in actions now. But hopefully all will work out well for you, just keep talking so you don't go down the rabbit hole of negative thinking as I call it. Use this site as a distraction, it might help you through these difficult times.
Oh and thanks for taking the time to hunt down my story and thanks for your kind words, they mean a lot.

 

[l0sing]

Sorry to hear that, I don't have kids myself, so can't fully understand. I know how terrible the UK system is because of mistakes social work departments have made in the past they tend to be over aggressive in actions now. But hopefully all will work out well for you, just keep talking so you don't go down the rabbit hole of negative thinking as I call it. Use this site as a distraction, it might help you through these difficult times.
Oh and thanks for taking the time to hunt down my story and thanks for your kind words, they mean a lot.

That's the muddle I'm stuck in because I can understand on one hand why they're so forceful after baby P and unfortunately for me the week before all this happened a poor baby was thrown into the local river by his dad so they were on high alert. But obviously the innocence in myself is screaming out and falling on deaf ears. Thank you, I'm glad I've found this site and can find people like me for us all to support each other

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

I'm sorry to hear this. I cannot imagine what it must be like to have your child taken from you, especially under those circumstances.

I hope the best for you, in whatever you decide, whatever that may be. I am also new here. My anxiety started similar to what you're describing. It didn't even occur to me at first that I had it, until it got worse around the age of 23 (I'm 33). But then I remembered how I'd sometimes sit in a bathroom stall a whole period as far back as middle school because I was nervous about a class. I had to know exactly where things were too, and would also be anxious about not knowing where the exact entrances were.. still am.. having to have someone go places or do things with me.. all of it. So I can definitely relate. In my case, it got much.. much worse. I hope it's not the same for you.

My heart breaks for your situation. I hope it all works out eventually. Much love.

 

[Suicide_vampire]

I think one of the worst things with mental health is that people always tell you to be patient.
You know there's long waiting lists, you'll just have to wait.
Or helps on its way but you'll need to wait a little longer.
Or things will get better just wait and see.

What they don't understand is that with mental health, patience is not possible and the devil makes work for idle hands.

 

[l0sing]

I'm sorry to hear this. I cannot imagine what it must be like to have your child taken from you, especially under those circumstances.

I hope the best for you, in whatever you decide, whatever that may be. I am also new here. My anxiety started similar to what you're describing. It didn't even occur to me at first that I had it, until it got worse around the age of 23 (I'm 33). But then I remembered how I'd sometimes sit in a bathroom stall a whole period as far back as middle school because I was nervous about a class. I had to know exactly where things were too, and would also be anxious about not knowing where the exact entrances were.. still am.. having to have someone go places or do things with me.. all of it. So I can definitely relate. In my case, it got much.. much worse. I hope it's not the same for you.

My heart breaks for your situation. I hope it all works out eventually. Much love.

thank you for your love and support! It's so nice to hear how people experience the same as me. I've known for a while there's people out there suffering the same as me but I've never took that step to communicate with anyone. I hope you find some peace but until then we're all here.

I think one of the worst things with mental health is that people always tell you to be patient.
You know there's long waiting lists, you'll just have to wait.
Or helps on its way but you'll need to wait a little longer.
Or things will get better just wait and see.

What they don't understand is that with mental health, patience is not possible and the devil makes work for idle hands.

it's so good to hear of people who think exactly how I do! For so long I've been left feeling like I am over exaggerating my emotions but it's a weight off my shoulders to know I'm not the only one. Patience is not possible, that feeling is just gnawing away inside like something scratching to get out, how can that be ignored? I know, throw tablets at them and 'hope' they don't do anything 'silly'

 

[Lostandfound7]

I'm so sorry to hear that n can't even imagine what that must feel like. I don't have any children yet but would b absolutely devastated if someone took my dog! much more my children!!
I believe that as long as the baby's father won't b living with u, they will give ur precious baby back..
Keep fighting my Love..we r with u n support u in this fight!! We got ya back!!

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

I think that's the thing about anxiety and mental health in general, it usually feels like you're exaggerating your emotions, especially since most people don't understand it and the way they respond to and talk about it, makes you feel like you are. It's embarrassing for me to talk about it with most people, usually. I always feel so silly and just.. worse. That's why places like this are helpful. I'm glad to have found it, and that you did too.

 

[l0sing]

I'm so sorry to hear that n can't even imagine what that must feel like. I don't have any children yet but would b absolutely devastated if someone took my dog! much more my children!!
I believe that as long as the baby's father won't b living with u, they will give ur precious baby back..
Keep fighting my Love..we r with u n support u in this fight!! We got ya back!!

thank you lovely for your kind words and support! I will keep you all updated as this goes on and hopefully things get better x

 

[Lostandfound7]

thank you lovely for your kind words and support! I will keep you all updated as this goes on and hopefully things get better x

Yes plz keep us updated my Love!!n stay strong

 

[l0sing]

I think that's the thing about anxiety and mental health in general, it usually feels like you're exaggerating your emotions, especially since most people don't understand it and the way they respond to and talk about it, makes you feel like you are. It's embarrassing for me to talk about it with most people, usually. I always feel so silly and just.. worse. That's why places like this are helpful. I'm glad to have found it, and that you did too.

it's amazing to know there are people out there who think just like me, I always feel so silly after having a breakdown and like I've gone overboard but it's nice to know im not alone in this feeling