Hi i just want to share my story here .Would you say its worth it for me giving recovery a chance or would u ctb in my circumstances and life?

[HermitLonerGuy]

Problem 1 : Ok first of all my Sister passed away years ago , she commited suicide after her fiancé left her for another woman.
She OD on some hardcore drugs and i found her and called the ambulance.
I feel so guilty i couldnt save her and wish i did more , i was 17 and a dumb kid.
I just froze , it was like time paused and it was a lucid dream .
I still miss her to this day, she was my big sis and adored me and always looked after me and bought me video games and clothes and stuff.
She was always there for me and didnt let me cry or be hurt.

I wish she didnt do it over a man but i guess the drugs she was addicted to and her depression didnt make her think straight.

Problem 2: I have a legit medical micropenis , i know you thinking its a stupid thing to care about but believe me it affects my life in so many ways.
constant rejection , i was bullied and teased about it in high school.
i was bullied about it in the mental outpatient ward , yes my fellow depressed and suicidal people called me eunuch , teased me saying i have a vagina and that it must suck being a man with a micropenis.

its very easy to tell , the pants has no bulge and it only sticks straight out like a poking button the head sticks out so you can tell.

I dont even like going out because of this its made me body anxiety and when i go out i only wear long shirts but it isnt always idle as some situations call for formal wear or tucking in shirt.

majority of people would not be okay with this, i not only cant penetrate , its disgusting to look at. A tiny penis on a full grown big burly man is a joke , plus tiny balls.

I feel emasculated.

The one solution is a phalloplasty operation but it costs alot and isnt covered by insurance or public hospitals where i am.

and it takes a long time in stages.

FML.

3.My parents and i lost our home, my parents had a big house but my aunt ( moms sister) made my parents sell the house . She said she would build a nice house for us on her new property, well she lied to us and now my parents are staying in an old persons home and im living in bad conditions of wooden outhouses and bad flats. my aunt and uncle made them sign over the house with cons and empty promises. we could sue but cant afford a lawayer and my mom cant deal with the stress as she already had pressure and stroke issues .

4.Im basically useles as a human, im 30 with no qualifications , no practical skills, useless with my hands, cant even tie a proper knot or drive. Im somehow just incapable of doing even basic things as a normal person can, i just freeze up. Theres some disconnect in my brain where i cant figure certain things out.
So i even have less of a chance of finding jobs and one day achieving the dream of buying my parents a house again.

so what is your opinion? thanks for reading.

 

[TydalWave]

All that matters is how you feel. Pain and suffering are subjective.

Some people can withstand a lot of misfortune and still lead fulfilling lives. Others suffer deeply and don't even know why. Personally, I don't think you need any validation aside from your own; but if you haven't given recovery a strong try yet and you have the strength in you, it's worth giving yourself one last try.

 

[HermitLonerGuy]

All that matters is how you feel. Pain and suffering are subjective.

Some people can withstand a lot of misfortune and still lead fulfilling lives. Others suffer deeply and don't even know why. Personally, I don't think you need any validation aside from your own; but if you haven't given recovery a strong try yet and you have the strength in you, it's worth giving yourself one last try.

Yeah thank you, youre 100 percent right and i dont think i can deal with this misfortune . Id probably have been dead long ago if i had an easy method.

 

[Andry387]

A friend listened to your story.Almost everyone at the age of 30 has such a situation that there is no job and profession.I studied to be a programmer, but I worked as a doctor, because then it was difficult to find a job in Russia in my specialty. And everyone does stupid things .
When I came from the village to Moscow, I spent about an hour trying to invest money in a bank machine.Imagine my surprise when they told me: "You just have crumpled money."
At first, I was even afraid of the voice assistant at airports.Because when you buy a ticket, you are abruptly told: "The ticket to Vladivostok has been purchased.Wait for the flight." I was depressed about it too. Then I started looking at others and realized that they all sometimes do stupid things, just like me. The one who says: "You're stupid because you can't do something" is probably even stupider than others.
Do, of course, an operation to lengthen the penis.
I also wanted to say that love is sometimes possible without sex. You can just talk to your loved one.Sometimes just a kiss is enough.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

Your concerns are real and are legitimate so please don't feel like you are being judged, I would like to think that most if not all people here are generally very supportive of others' issues no matter their origin. I think there is certainly opportunities for you to recover but it depends on what you want to do. What do you want out of life? What would be the most fulfilling life for you?
You have described in your post circumstances that seem like they cannot be changed and have been very big pains to you. Do you think you can live a good life in spite of those? I am completely sympathetic to your plights, they seem truly awful and you did not deserve any of it.
I think it is worth it, to give recovery a shot. But, it is entirely up to you.

 

[whywere]

This is a multiple situation.

1st) My heart brakes for you about your big sister. I have also had hellish aspects in my life, and I have worked to learn to not let them go BUT to cherish the finest times with someone. I had a best buddy who drown in front of me in a very deep lake and I cannot wade much less swim and he died. That was in 1982 and I still remember it like it weas yesterday. BUT I now have fond memories of him and all the crazy stuff we did, makes me smile.

2nd) I have very, very small arms for a male. I mean micro small, smaller than a lot of women and I still get crap about it. I say, so what? I always keep in mind that if someone is that mean I bet anything that they have a lot of insecurities and have to make themselves "feel" good, but on the long run they always lose. I have been on this planet for over 66 years and with life experience, I have seen it time and time again. I always hold my head high, and never let the jerks bother me ever.

3rd) I hope and pray that you can obtain a pro bono lawyer and get what you should have. No one should ever get "screwed" out of anything period.

You are a fantastic spirit, briming with love, kindness and so much empathy and I send you lots of hugs, understanding and love.

Always around.

Walter

 

[HermitLonerGuy]

A friend listened to your story.Almost everyone at the age of 30 has such a situation that there is no job and profession.I studied to be a programmer, but I worked as a doctor, because then it was difficult to find a job in Russia in my specialty. And everyone does stupid things .
When I came from the village to Moscow, I spent about an hour trying to invest money in a bank machine.Imagine my surprise when they told me: "You just have crumpled money."
At first, I was even afraid of the voice assistant at airports.Because when you buy a ticket, you are abruptly told: "The ticket to Vladivostok has been purchased.Wait for the flight." I was depressed about it too. Then I started looking at others and realized that they all sometimes do stupid things, just like me. The one who says: "You're stupid because you can't do something" is probably even stupider than others.
Do, of course, an operation to lengthen the penis.
I also wanted to say that love is sometimes possible without sex. You can just talk to your loved one.Sometimes just a kiss is enough.

thanks for sharing your story . i was thinking of learning programming too but im bad with math.
where did you study it? wow you a doctor im very impressed.
im sure you can find work , i wish you the best and thank you for your kind words friend.

This is a multiple situation.

1st) My heart brakes for you about your big sister. I have also had hellish aspects in my life, and I have worked to learn to not let them go BUT to cherish the finest times with someone. I had a best buddy who drown in front of me in a very deep lake and I cannot wade much less swim and he died. That was in 1982 and I still remember it like it weas yesterday. BUT I now have fond memories of him and all the crazy stuff we did, makes me smile.

2nd) I have very, very small arms for a male. I mean micro small, smaller than a lot of women and I still get crap about it. I say, so what? I always keep in mind that if someone is that mean I bet anything that they have a lot of insecurities and have to make themselves "feel" good, but on the long run they always lose. I have been on this planet for over 66 years and with life experience, I have seen it time and time again. I always hold my head high, and never let the jerks bother me ever.

3rd) I hope and pray that you can obtain a pro bono lawyer and get what you should have. No one should ever get "screwed" out of anything period.

You are a fantastic spirit, briming with love, kindness and so much empathy and I send you lots of hugs, understanding and love.

Always around.

Walter

thank you for the kind words Walter.
Im sorry about your friend , i dont know what else to say except i know what its like.
im glad you can hold your head up high and dont let jerks get you down.
my parents refuse to let me fight my aunt in court so they feel too embarrassed and stressed,
if i choose to live id want to make money and just buy us 3 a new house.
No you are kind yourself and thanks for the hugs.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

BTW, if you want to learn programming there are lots of resources for it online that can teach you for free. I am in university right now trying to learn it but I am also very poor with math so I have no idea if I'll be good with it or not. It's always worth a try!

 

[HermitLonerGuy]

BTW, if you want to learn programming there are lots of resources for it online that can teach you for free. I am in university right now trying to learn it but I am also very poor with math so I have no idea if I'll be good with it or not. It's always worth a try!

are u doing bachelor of computer science?
what site would u recommend and what language?
i always wanted to try making a text based horror game, which would be the easiest for that?

 

[WhatPowerIs]

are u doing bachelor of computer science?
what site would u recommend and what language?
i always wanted to try making a text based horror game, which would be the easiest for that?

Wish I could help you out more here. There are some programming majors here on the forum who can probably help with that more than I can. A website like code.org can have you do programming with blocks so you can learn the fundamentals but it's not really how actual programming works I think. As for which language would be best for making a text based horror game, I think you can work with pretty much any language, I would imagine. Maybe something like Java or C++?

 

[TydalWave]

are u doing bachelor of computer science?
what site would u recommend and what language?
i always wanted to try making a text based horror game, which would be the easiest for that?

CS Major here. I would recommend checking out codeacademy and doing the introductory courses for Python or Java first. Feel free to reach out if you have any questions.

 

[SarRy]

So, you seem to be well aware of what you cannot do. You have problems. You might fix some. You might not be able to fix all your problems. The real question is, "What can you do?" Life is to be lived with both the good and the bad. So, you have a small penis. Are there ways you might enjoy a relationship on an emotional level instead of purely physical? Can you figure out a way to work with what you do have? Lesbian relationships work with neither partner having a penis. Can you do something to improve your housing situation?

Maybe, you could adjust your expectations for your life? You do not need to be what others are or to do what others do. Be you. Decide what you want and think of what you can practically and reasonably do. Death is a finality. It comes to us all in the end. It might be said that you owe it to yourself to try every other solution to your problems before giving in to death. Focus on what you can do and not what you can't. Count your blessings, not your curses. This is the only way to live. Regrets are for the past. Worries are for the future. Find your place in the present and realize that everything else is an illusion of the mind.

With all that being said, I hope you find peace.

 

[HermitLonerGuy]

So, you seem to be well aware of what you cannot do. You have problems. You might fix some. You might not be able to fix all your problems. The real question is, "What can you do?" Life is to be lived with both the good and the bad. So, you have a small penis. Are there ways you might enjoy a relationship on an emotional level instead of purely physical? Can you figure out a way to work with what you do have? Lesbian relationships work with neither partner having a penis. Can you do something to improve your housing situation?

Maybe, you could adjust your expectations for your life? You do not need to be what others are or to do what others do. Be you. Decide what you want and think of what you can practically and reasonably do. Death is a finality. It comes to us all in the end. It might be said that you owe it to yourself to try every other solution to your problems before giving in to death. Focus on what you can do and not what you can't. Count your blessings, not your curses. This is the only way to live. Regrets are for the past. Worries are for the future. Find your place in the present and realize that everything else is an illusion of the mind.

With all that being said, I hope you find peace.

thank you so much, your reply helped me alot .