Discussion Hesitation of jumping

[HereWeGo!]

Please feel free to write about your try if you would like to.

 

[been__ready]

Failed attempt experience - flew to New Mexico to CTB off rio grande gorge bridge.

Dear SS friends, I want to start by saying how thankful I am for this forum and community. When I feel I have lost everyone and everything - it is the only thing that has kept me going for months. Even though I only recently “officially” joined I have been silently participating by observing...

sanctioned-suicide.net

My story… I have since decided to try SN but I will jump if for some reason SN doesn't work out..

 

[Namelesa]

I am not sure which one to choose (as my plan wasn't going to work cus it was probably impossible to find a way to get high in the building and jump from it) but when i was younger I have tried twice to do a runner and get to the top of an apartment building to jump from. Problem was I was only able to do this when I was outside with family members so they knew what I was doing and chased after me. I was caught both times as I couldn't find a way inside and my sibling was stronger than me so I couldn't have gotten freed. I hate my family members so much for trapping me here.

 

[HereWeGo!]

@Namelesa
I think you got the right answer. We can never know the outcome if they wouldn't stopped you. But you were about to go all the way but got interrupted.

 

[mercybell]

I don't think I've ever really considered it a valid method for me. I find going up in high structures and seeing the ground and people below me rather therapeutic. I can comfortably sit on the ledge knowing I'm literally one strong breath of wind from toppling over. But I won't do anything myself. If someone with ill intentions comes behind me and pushes me? Great. But that won't actually happen.

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

Jumping is really, really hard and in the end I decided I couldn't do it. But I seriously intended to, this was my experience:

There aren't many jumping spots in my area (thanks to suicide barriers), so first I spent hours upon hours searching news reports, Reddit, wikipedia, and satellite photos to find a suitable spot.

Finally I found the West Seattle bridge, which is just tall enough to ctb and lacks any sort of barrier. I was pretty desparate at the time, so I drove 2 hours there to do it. When I first got there I scoped out landing spots, and I decided to buy a laser distance meter to check the height because it varies a lot. As soon as I got to the hardware store SI reallly started to kick in, it felt surreal and I was physically struggling against myself to walk through the store and interact with the clerk. That was my first inkling of how strong SI could be.

I went back with the meter and checked the fall height at a few spots, but none of them felt "right". It's not a very high bridge, so I wanted to land on something hard enough. That means the middle of a paved street, sidewalk, parking lot, or maybe railroad tracks. I wandered around under the bridge envisioning hurling my body onto various surfaces, thinking carefully in gruesome detail how I would impact and hopefully destroy my brain and body.

It got dark before I could finish preparing to jump, so I went to my parents house to spend the night. I still planned to jump that weekend, but I ended up spilling the beans that I was suicidal so they offered for me to stay as long as I wanted.

In order to hit the landing zones I found underneath the bridge, I needed to line them up with the bridge deck 145 ft (45 m) above. That turned out to be tricky, because the bridge is only for cars with no space for pedestrians, not even a median. If you stop a vehicle anywhere on that bridge police will show up sooner rather than later. So to jump you'd have to drive straight to the spot, get out, and leap over the side with zero time to prepare.

To find a takeoff spot I used satellite maps to line up my landing zones with markings on the bridge like expansion joints and signs. Then I'd drive across the bridge and try to locate the markings. I did that maybe a dozen times trying to find a spot where I felt confident I could execute. I finally found a spot where there was just enough space to park without blocking traffic, then I could get out and walk a short distance to jump into a street below.

I went back to the bridge numerous times and spent hours there trying to prepare myself mentally for the jump. Whenever I approached the tall grey structure a strong sense of dark melancholy would come over me. Jumping is an exceptionally scary and violent method of ctb. Not being able to spend time at the top to prepare myself mentally for the leap itself was particularly daunting. There were so many variables and things that could go wrong. After a month of trying to prepare, I finally concluded that I would never be comfortable enough with it to overcome SI, and there was too much risk of failure. So I gave up and started looking into other methods.

 

[been__ready]

Jumping is really, really hard and in the end I decided I couldn't do it. But I seriously intended to, this was my experience:

There aren't many jumping spots in my area (thanks to suicide barriers), so first I spent hours upon hours searching news reports, Reddit, wikipedia, and satellite photos to find a suitable spot.

Finally I found the West Seattle bridge, which is just tall enough to ctb and lacks any sort of barrier. I was pretty desparate at the time, so I drove 2 hours there to do it. When I first got there I scoped out landing spots, and I decided to buy a laser distance meter to check the height because it varies a lot. As soon as I got to the hardware store SI reallly started to kick in, it felt surreal and I was physically struggling against myself to walk through the store and interact with the clerk. That was my first inkling of how strong SI could be.

I went back with the meter and checked the fall height at a few spots, but none of them felt "right". It's not a very high bridge, so I wanted to land on something hard enough. That means the middle of a paved street, sidewalk, parking lot, or maybe railroad tracks. I wandered around under the bridge envisioning hurling my body onto various surfaces, thinking carefully in gruesome detail how I would impact and hopefully destroy my brain and body.

It got dark before I could finish preparing to jump, so I went to my parents house to spend the night. I still planned to jump that weekend, but I ended up spilling the beans that I was suicidal so they offered for me to stay as long as I wanted.

In order to hit the landing zones I found underneath the bridge, I needed to line them up with the bridge deck 145 ft (45 m) above. That turned out to be tricky, because the bridge is only for cars with no space for pedestrians, not even a median. If you stop your vehicle anywhere on the bridge the police are likely to show up. So to jump you'd have to drive straight to the spot, get out, and leap over the side with zero time to prepare.

To find a takeoff spot I used satellite maps to line up my landing zones with markings on the bridge like expansion joints and signs. Then I'd drive across the bridge and try to locate the markings. I did that maybe a dozen times trying to find a spot where I felt confident I could execute. I finally found a spot where there was just enough space to park without blocking traffic, then I could get out and walk a short distance to jump into a street below.

I went back to the bridge numerous times and spent hours there trying to prepare myself mentally for the jump. Whenever I approached the tall grey structure a strong sense of dark melancholy would come over me. Jumping is an exceptionally scary and violent method of ctb. Not being able to spend time at the top to prepare myself mentally for the leap itself was particularly daunting. There were so many variables and things that could go wrong. After a month of trying to prepare, I finally concluded that I would never be comfortable enough with it to overcome SI, and there was too much risk of failure. So I gave up and started looking into other methods.

This sounds so familiar.. i feel like I could've written this.

basically my story.. except I flew half way across the country ..

I planned this for monthssss doing all of the research possible. And was so sure I could go through with it.

Except, every day for 7 days I would go back to the spot and find fault with the plan somehow.. and when the perfect opportunity presented itself I still didn't take it.

It came down to what you said - it's a particularly violent way to go out.. but probably bc at certain heights it is very effective.

The bridge I was looking at was 600 feet.. and it is a pedestrian and motor bridge so I was able to go to the exact spot repeatedly and will return if I have to.

I have since looked into another method but it is a back up for sure. 🕊 What other methods are you looking into?

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

What other methods are you looking into?

I switched to nitrogen exit bag. It's like the polar opposite in terms of violence, which is good because it allows my family to have a viewing if they want. I also felt more comfortabe about inert gas because there are multiple detailed guides with solid evidence that it's effective. SI is still real, though, so I hope I don't chicken out on that one too.

Of all the methods jumping has more of the Wild West mentality, it's for risk junkies. People jump all the time with little or no planning and a lot of them succeed, but who knows how many fail or die in excruciating pain. I could see doing it impulsively on drugs or in a serious mental health episode. It's a bad method for someone who wants to plan carefully and have high confidence in the outcome, since the more you think about it the harder it gets.

 

[jasmineck]

Don't do jumping it is risky, damage to legs and permanently disability

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

I've seen the aftermath of a jump, and from then on I changed my mind. Never thought of it again.

I'd rather be this way than this way AND permanently disabled from a jump.

The doctors were shocked that this person survived because they'd never seen it

 

[cuyso]

I've sat on the rail of a bridge for quite some time, but couldn't bring myself to jump.

At first, I googled the highest bridges in my country. One was in my state and a railway bridge, over 100m (350ft) high and while it was partially above a river, the river was very narrow so there was enough space at the highest point to land on concrete.
It was still ~3 hours away from me by train, so I did quite some research beforehand, googled the bridge + suicide, checked the police's facebook page, etc. That way I found out there have been a couple successful suicides and no measures against it. The best thing I came across was on some obscure forum were actual instructions on how to get one the bridge, that there weren't any trains between 2am and 5am and how the police can't check it, because it belongs to the railway system.
Which means, high enough and not very risky to get caught.

I took 3 trains to go there, my last one arrived at ~11pm, but i decided to ride one station more because i didnt want to cause any suspicion and had a couple hours left anyways. From that station, it was a 40 minute walk trough the woods to the bottom of the bridge and it was really impressive. I layed down on a bench, ate something and watched some trains pass by. Then, at 2am I slowly got ready, walked another 10 minutes through the woods and was practically right next to the rails. I could see some houses and the train station, all i needed to do was climb over a fence that was at hip height and i was on the tracks. From there, it was just a 50m walk to the start of the bridge and another 200m walk to the middle.

The entire time i was scared shitless of someone seeing me from far away and calling the police. When i sat there, everything was calm again and i felt like nothing mattered anymore. I have absolutely no fear of heights, but even after closing my eyes i couldnt get myself to jump. I dont know how long i actually sat there, i just remember getting up after a while, thinking "wtf am i doing" and running back.
There was no train home at that time (4am?), so i wandered through the woods and part of a city for some time and took one home from another station a couple hours later.

Looking back, everything just feels really surreal. I can still recall the details and everything, but it genuinely feels like it was another person doing that and not me. The note i wrote and left in my room is still were they were supposed to find it, the bag i took with me there isnt unpacked yet and it has been months.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I think that I would jump if I could access a high enough structure that I can actually jump out of as jumping from a very tall height seems to be guaranteed to succeed assuming that nothing breaks their fall aside from the ground. Jumping does sound so horrifying due to SI prior to the jump but I would try this if I could access a place where I can jump from. For me, the key advantage that I like about this method is that I'm guaranteed to die if I jump high enough and nobody can resuscitate me after I've done the jump