Long time listener first time caller
I think I've been depressed since middle school. I had a rly effed up bf who would threaten self harm any time I made him mad or sad and then he would follow through. Fked with my head and I started SH too. In highschool I had enough and we had a dramatic breakup in the hallways.
I studied hard but not hard enough. I was in honors but didn't really belong there. I went to the first uni I got accepted into and just cruised in classes. Thinking back, I feel like I had brain fog the entire time. Got a gf who forced me to come out to my mom even tho I didn't think it was that important. Had a horrible fallout with my roommate who was racist and homophobic and called the cops on me.
I transferred to a bigger state school after my first year of uni and I was happy for once. I loved a big state school and made a lot of friends. But these friends were just for partying and going out. I never had real inspiration to work hard. I was still with the gf and we moved in together. 3 years go by of just cruising in classes and having fun, I become more distant with the gf and she cheats on me multiple times. I didn't have a huge reaction to the situation, I think I was just processing because I found out via the person she cheated with.
I eventually ended things with her but I wish I was more decisive. I didn't know how to be alone so I dragged things on while she made all sorts of promises. Meanwhile, a new character enters the season and kind of sweeps me off my feet. I date this new guy for 3 years and he recently broke up with me about a month ago. I didn't realize how perfect he was. I think he just liked me back then because I was pretty and available and I took that attention.
At the beginning, he was the super insecure one and I would do what I could to make him feel secure. His friends would report back to him about what I was wearing and I would delete most of my socials because he was insecure about other guy friends I was talking to. I hated this but it also made me feel like he would never leave me.
I never had the same drive and determination in life as him. I was a giver, and he was a taker. I gave and gave, I moved for him and cleaned and bought him nice things. I should've been more affectionate in other ways but that's all hindsight now. I lost the most perfect person because I was too depressed, too lonely (after moving for him I had no community) and had no passion for my job.
I hate how he can confidently say that i was "the crazy ex gf". I can't blame him at all. My anger would boil up, I would say mean things, I stopped going outside. I lost who i was.
I definitely wasn't meant for him. Like I said, back then I was just pretty and available.
Breakups seem so simple, but this one is really messing with me. It's making me rethink my life path, my career choices, my relationship choices (like friends, people I surround myself with). I put so much value in a person and none in myself and now I'm all out of love. I'm 27 and it seems like I can't do anything else. I know he's out there bopping younger girls and flaunting his newfound confidence. Meanwhile, I'm back at my mid-income rundown suburban childhood home looking up how to get on some stupid onion sites to find F.
Nice to meet yall
I think I've been depressed since middle school. I had a rly effed up bf who would threaten self harm any time I made him mad or sad and then he would follow through. Fked with my head and I started SH too. In highschool I had enough and we had a dramatic breakup in the hallways.
I studied hard but not hard enough. I was in honors but didn't really belong there. I went to the first uni I got accepted into and just cruised in classes. Thinking back, I feel like I had brain fog the entire time. Got a gf who forced me to come out to my mom even tho I didn't think it was that important. Had a horrible fallout with my roommate who was racist and homophobic and called the cops on me.
I transferred to a bigger state school after my first year of uni and I was happy for once. I loved a big state school and made a lot of friends. But these friends were just for partying and going out. I never had real inspiration to work hard. I was still with the gf and we moved in together. 3 years go by of just cruising in classes and having fun, I become more distant with the gf and she cheats on me multiple times. I didn't have a huge reaction to the situation, I think I was just processing because I found out via the person she cheated with.
I eventually ended things with her but I wish I was more decisive. I didn't know how to be alone so I dragged things on while she made all sorts of promises. Meanwhile, a new character enters the season and kind of sweeps me off my feet. I date this new guy for 3 years and he recently broke up with me about a month ago. I didn't realize how perfect he was. I think he just liked me back then because I was pretty and available and I took that attention.
At the beginning, he was the super insecure one and I would do what I could to make him feel secure. His friends would report back to him about what I was wearing and I would delete most of my socials because he was insecure about other guy friends I was talking to. I hated this but it also made me feel like he would never leave me.
I never had the same drive and determination in life as him. I was a giver, and he was a taker. I gave and gave, I moved for him and cleaned and bought him nice things. I should've been more affectionate in other ways but that's all hindsight now. I lost the most perfect person because I was too depressed, too lonely (after moving for him I had no community) and had no passion for my job.
I hate how he can confidently say that i was "the crazy ex gf". I can't blame him at all. My anger would boil up, I would say mean things, I stopped going outside. I lost who i was.
I definitely wasn't meant for him. Like I said, back then I was just pretty and available.
Breakups seem so simple, but this one is really messing with me. It's making me rethink my life path, my career choices, my relationship choices (like friends, people I surround myself with). I put so much value in a person and none in myself and now I'm all out of love. I'm 27 and it seems like I can't do anything else. I know he's out there bopping younger girls and flaunting his newfound confidence. Meanwhile, I'm back at my mid-income rundown suburban childhood home looking up how to get on some stupid onion sites to find F.
Nice to meet yall
