Helping others is still important, and always will be

[BabyYoda]

I just keep seeing posts on social media that make me feel worse about myself. One of them was about how desiring someone to "save" you in a relationship is considered toxic behavior and it immediately made me feel extremely anxious that I was somehow manipulative according to those people who agree. The thought of being called such for something that is beyond control shakes me to the core. The person who shared it wrote "I like helping people but don't depend on me at your worst" which is terrifying because it means that a person like her will abandon me when I need help the most. Why can't we accept that self love has limitations as well?

This is all a huge reason why if I turn out to be toxic I'll just get rid of myself so no one would have to bother with me. I no longer feel safe anymore because I can't just talk about my personal problems to anyone without being backstabbed. Worse is how it is being justified nowadays. I thought being toxic only meant direct physical or emotional attacks towards a person, but it's now defined as not fitting in into someone's convenience.

Ok, I accept that I have limitations, everyone does. But I find myself hurt knowing that people are tolerating unkindness towards others. If I could solve my problems on my own, then why would I still be asking for help? It's very insensitive to tell someone that "they need to handle themselves at their worst" but go through the easy tasks for them. Of course, not everyone is capable of solving certain problems, but it doesn't mean that a person should have to carry a burden alone. For example, I cannot treat a coronavirus patient because I am not a doctor, but I can help that person with (some) finances (I am still in school lmao, so it would be a very very small amount) AND if I can, their psychological health due to the anxiety and panic going around. Me not being able to treat them does not imply that the person will treat themselves ON THEIR OWN. There are doctors and other medical professionals who work non stop just to fight this big boss. Yes, they are in a way sacrificing themselves for society. Yes, they are in a way helping a person "at their worst". If you only care about treating the very treatable headache and running away when a crisis comes, then you shouldn't become a medical practitioner.

Another problem: will that person have enough finances for all of this? Sure, for the upper class people, yes. Not so much for the lower class. There are several factors contributing to why they're poor, which I will not elaborate here. I would smash a door if I hear a pro lifer preaching about how precious life is and expecting the more marginalized people to "get over it". You talk about how beautiful life is, but why can't you help them with their healthcare? Pro lifers glorify selfishness by treating people like disposable masks but apparently to them the only time selfishness is bad is in the context of suicide. "tHiNk AbOuT oThErS" they say, when obviously you are suffering an unbearable amount of pain.

 

[lostangel]

''Pro lifers glorify selfishness by treating people like disposable masks but apparently to them the only time selfishness is bad is in the context of suicide. "tHiNk AbOuT oThErS" they say, when obviously you are suffering an unbearable amount of pain.''

Hi, I really like how this was worded. This is so true suicide prevention is selfish. People are so selfish nowadays. People would rather see you suffer than die.

I hate using social media nowadays. Being toxic and an asshole to people is being justified and becoming normal. I often ask myself if I was born in an older generation would people be nicer?

I try my best to minimize my use of social media but it is hard with everything being on it.

Good post.

 

[Dear Flabby]

Always remember that when you are branded "toxic", especially by people on Social Media, the word has ceased to have much meaning.

People call me "retarded" all the time. When I was a child, it had an actual clinical meaning.
Language evolves.
"Retard/ed" became an insult.
The denotative meaning is lost, and multiple connotative meanings exist.

"Toxic" is the latest "throw away shaming word."
It's designed to "take you down real good, suckah!"

"Toxic" is used when people have unpopular opinions, when they disagree with their bullies, and when they are unconventional in some way.

Next year, it will be something else, equally shaming, equally disempowering.

And so it goes.

Social media presence is passé. 20 years ago, it signaled that you were "connected".
Now, it signals that you like being part of an angry mob.

Peace and hugs from a supposed "Toxic Retard" to others with mob defined labels.

 

[Skelebirb]

I thought being toxic only meant direct physical or emotional attacks towards a person, but it's now defined as not fitting in into someone's convenience.

You hit the nail on the head.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Are you a millennial? It sounds like you are, and that you're an outlier in your own generation. This is a good thing. You have your shit more together than your peers, but you don't yet see it or feel it. While they all are blithering inanities and parroting psychology out of context, agreeing with each other and thinking they're all so damn right, you're actually thinking.

I didn't fit in with my generation either. We were Generation X. While everyone in our 20s was supposedly lazy, stupid, and selfish, I'd already been working for years, and the last two years of college, worked full-time and took full-time classes. While most of my friends and peers were partying and lucky enough to have the time to do internships, I was already doing life.

I've often said that for most, the twenties are the adolescence of adulthood. A few folks get all the breaks and seem to really have it all, but they are not the norm, and they tend to peak early and become really shitty 40 and 50 year olds. Sounds like you're around your early 20s? If you're older, I'll feel like a dumbass, I'm just going by what you wrote, I could have overlooked something. Please forgive me if I misinterpreted. But if I'm correct, well, you may feel awkward now, but those idiots who seem to be fitting in and doing so well don't have a fucking clue. You may hurt more, but you see more. I hope that your self-confidence catches up with your intellect and emotional intelligence, because imo, you have it so much more together than you know.

 

[BabyYoda]

Are you a millennial? It sounds like you are, and that you're an outlier in your own generation. This is a good thing. You have your shit more together than your peers, but you don't yet see it or feel it. While they all are blithering inanities and parroting psychology out of context, agreeing with each other and thinking they're all so damn right, you're actually thinking.

I didn't fit in with my generation either. We were Generation X. While everyone in our 20s was supposedly lazy, stupid, and selfish, I'd already been working for years, and the last two years of college, worked full-time and took full-time classes. While most of my friends and peers were partying and lucky enough to have the time to do internships, I was already doing life.

I've often said that for most, the twenties are the adolescence of adulthood. A few folks get all the breaks and seem to really have it all, but they are not the norm, and they tend to peak early and become really shitty 40 and 50 year olds. Sounds like you're around your early 20s? If you're older, I'll feel like a dumbass, I'm just going by what you wrote, I could have overlooked something. Please forgive me if I misinterpreted. But if I'm correct, well, you may feel awkward now, but those idiots who seem to be fitting in and doing so well don't have a fucking clue. You may hurt more, but you see more. I hope that your self-confidence catches up with your intellect and emotional intelligence, because imo, you have it so much more together than you know.

I'm 18 Honestly I'm not surprised cause people online and offline usually mistake me for being 1-2 years older than my actual age. Well yeah I guess it's also a generation thing because I don't notice the older ones telling you to "love yourself" and it seems they prioritize love for others more. I never thought of myself having a high IQ or EQ cause it's impossible to get an A in college (unless the professor is more lenient and the subject is actually very easy) and that I see that my peers who have gone through similar situations are able to get back up very quickly. Like how do they do it so easily? I have so many justifications as to WHY I am unable to be as strong as they are, and those beliefs seem rational to me. People my age are able to accept their flaws, which I cannot easily do, because what if my flaws were so detrimental to my life that I cannot help but hate them? They were just lucky, geez. It's like a wealthy business manager telling a beggar on a street that life is great. It makes no sense.