Venting Help

[elfgyoza]

I guess I'm looking for advice, I don't know what to do, it's like my mind is arguing with itself.
I can't live like this anymore, I have the means to ctb and was planning to do it in a couple of weeks but everyday I push it forwards, I can't take it. My parents are visiting me today/tomorrow, they know about my past attempt but not that I'm planning again. It feels awful seeing them sad but then again, it's my life, not theirs.

I had a GP appointment today and admitted I was planning to ctb but I just said 'in a few weeks'. He said he'd contact the local mental health team but it's now the weekend so I guess they won't bother me for a few days. I'm supposed to be seeing them but I've been ignoring their calls for weeks because I don't see the point anymore.

My mind is torn. I can't take the pain for much longer but part of my brain just keeps saying 'mum and dad would be sad'. I want to die but also want to just half arse an attempt as a cry for help. Thanks for reading if you got this far, just needed to vent somewhere

 

[Suicide_vampire]

I guess I'm looking for advice, I don't know what to do, it's like my mind is arguing with itself.
I can't live like this anymore, I have the means to ctb and was planning to do it in a couple of weeks but everyday I push it forwards, I can't take it. My parents are visiting me today/tomorrow, they know about my past attempt but not that I'm planning again. It feels awful seeing them sad but then again, it's my life, not theirs.

I had a GP appointment today and admitted I was planning to ctb but I just said 'in a few weeks'. He said he'd contact the local mental health team but it's now the weekend so I guess they won't bother me for a few days. I'm supposed to be seeing them but I've been ignoring their calls for weeks because I don't see the point anymore.

My mind is torn. I can't take the pain for much longer but part of my brain just keeps saying 'mum and dad would be sad'. I want to die but also want to just half arse an attempt as a cry for help. Thanks for reading if you got this far, just needed to vent somewhere

Hey it sounds like you really want help, why not wait to see what the mental health team say, who knows things might change.
You say you have the means to ctb, so why not put that to the side exhaust all options with the support you are being offered, then if nothing changes you can say you tried and leave with no regrets, because a half arsed attempt as a cry for help could go terribly wrong and I don't think that's what you want. There's always someone here to chat to if you need.

 

[elfgyoza]

Hey it sounds like you really want help, why not wait to see what the mental health team say, who knows things might change.
You say you have the means to ctb, so why not put that to the side exhaust all options with the support you are being offered, then if nothing changes you can say you tried and leave with no regrets, because a half arsed attempt as a cry for help could go terribly wrong and I don't think that's what you want. There's always someone here to chat to if you need.

Hey, I've seen you post in other threads. I can't say I've tried as long as you have but I've done my best :/
The last time I saw someone from the mental health team, I was very distressed and crying in front of someone, she just wanted to get rid of me. I then cried all the way home (on the bus lol) and then almost attempted. Called my dad and stayed with the parents for a while instead. I knew I was acting out of anger and impulse so I didn't do it. I've been ignoring them ever since. I'm not sure if I want to speak with them again...

 

[Suicide_vampire]

I hear ya, mental health services aren't always the best it's sometimes like rolling dice to see what help you get. All I would say is ctb is final, you know there's no redos or rewinds. And just what I could read in your message is that you are still in two minds. While your mind is in that place its best not to act.
Never ctb on impulse or without thinking it through.
Someone will always help in here, be sure you have given everything a chance before you go.