Im crying and shaking right now from the mental anguish coursing through me for no reason, like always.
Nothing i do calms it down. Ive been in bed most of today to avoid it but I couldn't sleep more than 15 hours.
Earlier I also experienced an autistic shutdown where I couldn't even move or speak or do anything, which is a new symptom, and usually that symptom is just verbal but it has been getting worse.
Nothing anybody says helps. I have been denied treatment by my government and private for reasons I talked about on my last thread.
Just desperately waiting for my SN to arrive. Its taking ages. My whole mental condition is somehow getting worse rapidly which horrifies me because it was already bad enough for years I wanted to ctb.
Please please please can this pain stop. Fuck. I'm in hell. I didn't sign up for this. I dont want to live like this. I'm scared beyond belief of waking up tomorrow, let alone for weeks and months and years.
Nothing i do calms it down. Ive been in bed most of today to avoid it but I couldn't sleep more than 15 hours.
Earlier I also experienced an autistic shutdown where I couldn't even move or speak or do anything, which is a new symptom, and usually that symptom is just verbal but it has been getting worse.
Nothing anybody says helps. I have been denied treatment by my government and private for reasons I talked about on my last thread.
Just desperately waiting for my SN to arrive. Its taking ages. My whole mental condition is somehow getting worse rapidly which horrifies me because it was already bad enough for years I wanted to ctb.
Please please please can this pain stop. Fuck. I'm in hell. I didn't sign up for this. I dont want to live like this. I'm scared beyond belief of waking up tomorrow, let alone for weeks and months and years.
