Discussion [help] would you take 'you time' if you were in my situation?

[Life_and_Death]

if youve read any of my other threads please wipe them from your mind before responding. im just looking at this current situation/problem.
ummm where to start this story.....


in high school i never really had a "serious" relationship. the closest thing youd call to a serious relationship would be the one that lasted 6mths and he was a jackass, the worse of the bunch (second worse but the other person doesnt exactly count.) i was also living with abusive parents. i then got kicked out of home and school at 16 and moved in with a guy and ended up marrying him. he was/is my first and my first serious relationship.

i just dont feel like i was given the time or chance to really find out whats right for me, or really anything about me for that matter.

 

[MYStERY_Man]

I'd take it. But when I was 16, I couldn't see myself getting married before my 40s. Now that I'm 24, I'm pushing that to my 50s. I'd rather be single and not date anyone at all (as I've been doing) than commit to a relationship.

On the other hand, my uncle and his wife have been together since high school. Not much previous experience for either, and they've doing fine for 20+ years.

I'm me, they're them, you're you.

You don't feel like you were given the time or the chance to find out anything about you. Yet, you have the experience of marriage. Does it live up to your expectations? Are these expectations realistic?

Is there anything you want to try that doesn't take such a great sacrifice? You could start with that, slowly get to know yourself and, as a result, make it easier to answer the harder questions.

 

[Bat 17]

This might irritate you but I think you were young to get married (having said that my mum married at 18 and if she hadn't I wouldn't be here lol)

You talk a lot about relationships in the OP, is that one of the main things you want to explore? Usually one of the arguments for putting off marriage for some years is to have the chance to explore relationships and learn more about yourself and what you want (not that I did really before I married at 32)

PS. I like the fact that the first bf was a jackass and "second worst of the bunch" but worst jackass "doesn't exactly count" - somehow that seems like the ultimate putdown!

 

[Life_and_Death]

PS. I like the fact that the first bf was a jackass and "second worst of the bunch" but worst jackass "doesn't exactly count" - somehow that seems like the ultimate putdown!

The only reason he doesn't count is because he wasn't my bf lol

You talk a lot about relationships in the OP,

in high school i never really had a "serious" relationship. the closest thing youd call to a serious relationship would be the one that lasted 6mths and he was a jackass, the worse of the bunch (second worse but the other person doesnt exactly count.) i was also living with abusive parents. i then got kicked out of home and school at 16 and moved in with a guy and ended up marrying him. he was/is my first and my first serious relationship.

Back story to where I am currently.

but I think you were young to get married

Yeah that's another thing. Nothing happened because I was ready, because I wanted to. It was all fucking disorder related. Don't get me wrong I love my husband I just really wish things worked out differently...

 

[Mentalmick]

Don't get me wrong I love my husband I just really wish things worked out differently...

I'm not being an arsehole here (honestly)but you say you love your husband, but are you in love with him?

 

[avoid_slow_death]

You really should. Reason being, when you enter a relationship, you enter it with baggage and all. Its best to take time to work on yourself so you can learn to work the problems around the relationship or better yet,have them be almost solved.